The street lights blink out at dawn, and
On at dusk, as do my thoughts of him.
The night gives them permission to rise and be, but at dawn
The sun diminishes their power and they hide and sleep.
If they would just stay asleep, and
Leave me alone it would be so much easier, but they don’t listen to what I want.
They are crafty and sneak around the edge and into my heart
When I’m not looking.
They creep into the conversations in my head
Unnoticed until it is too late.
They lie in wait for me just inside
The front door when I get home from work,
Ready to snuggle in
For the night as soon as I walk through the door.
I don’t understand their persistence.
Do they think anything will change? Do they know something I don’t?
Are they worried there will come a time when
I will forget about them, or him? If that is the case, then they don’t understand that
for me forgetting is not an option.
I don’t choose who I love or who I want.
Therefore, I also cannot choose who I will
My love is based on honesty, the truth of my feelings,
And passion, lots and lots of passion, and I cannot pretend it is any other way.
So in spite of my objections, these thoughts have stayed
Sad but comfortable, friends in their familiarity, taking up space in my being.
And if they ever leave, what will replace them?
What will fill the hole they leave behind in my heart, my soul, my mind?
I don’t know.
If that time comes and they leave, how long it will take me to notice,
That they have gone?
I don’t know.
And will the me that remains behind be the same me as before?
Before the dawn turned out the lights and he consumed my soul?
I may never know.