I like to think that it is settling down now, fading away, but maybe not.
It is done and yet…
Some things die hard, and
Other things die harder.
The light has gone out so
There is nothing more to see,
Nothing to look forward to, nothing and no one to hold and
Although the disconnect is intentional,
The physical reality has not changed, it has
Not gone away because, after all, I still remain.
My perception of the circumstances has shifted, slightly.
It is based more on the truth now but the intentional disconnect remains the reality.
Is it the same for the other? I think not.
He has no reason and no meaning to his thinking as it is all based on deception.
He deceived me
And himself and
A life based on lies can hold
No meaning.
Some things die hard, and
Other things die harder.
heartwordsforpoetry 
So so so true. It’s over, yet so many questions remain. What was really real and what wasn’t? Was anything? It’s not an obsession, I don’t think, but I keep reeling things around in my memory, wondering if the smallest thing that happened or was said was true. It’s over, the reality it’s over, but the connection and the lies remain, and somehow we just have to get to a place where it just doesn’t matter. Some days it does and some days it doesn’t. I think Florida will help me, where there are no memories to turn me inside out unaware. Love you M. Just keep going to the light.
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you are right, some days it doesn’t matter, but those days that it does, damn him…. oh well, it is as it is, just such a waste of my time and energy, wish it would just go away… drives me crazy trying to figure out if any of it was real, guess I shouldn’t matter now, but it does… love and light to you my friend, and Yay Florida!!! hugs, love you too….M.
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Oh yeah, M…I was pretty far out, then I had that relapse in January, and now he pops into my vision about once a month, to complain about my blog….That’s why I put up the blog, Betty and Scott, fuck off. I don’t even know if they’re together, my intuition says no. But for pete’s sake, stop fucking reading it. What does he care what I say? He’s broken and bruised me and ripped my heart apart so many times…..I am anxious to go. I close on the house there next Tuesday, and my house will be on the market in the next 2 weeks. Can’t happen fast enough for me. xoxo
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words hit like stone hard. this is painful to read. lol. i hope lights will come through 🙂
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This really hit home for me, thank you for sharing.
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