As I sit in darkness, a glimmer of light shines around the dark edges of my closed eyes,
growing until my field of vision is full of blinding white light.
It is here that hope and love float freely on waves of peace and
Krishna’s voice sings along with the song of my heart.
He flushes away the darkness and frees me from the pain it carries.
I feel sorry for the darkness. It lacks the power to forget itself.
Do I have that power?
I continue to sit and wait for an answer.
As I wait, silence pervades the shrine room and my heart.
The others in the room disappear when I close my eyes,
their energy lost in the space between the cushions.
I feel neither their presence nor their absence,
until my eyes open and their collective energy floods over me intruding on my silence and peace.
The bell rings, three times and the session ends.
I must put away thoughts, cut off fear or bliss, end the waiting and
Reluctantly resume a presence in this material world.
A world of light, dark, hope, despair
love, loss, hate, and peace.
Silent sitting can isolate or open my heart.
The choice is mine to make.
A choice that can be good or evil,
warm or cold,
lasting or fleeting but really,
is there a difference?
Here and now or there and then?
The break is over and the sitting resumes.
Odd thoughts and feelings float out of the deep recesses of my mind
in the silence of the shrine room.
There are thoughts that come and go.
Some are gentle and kind,
others judgmental and cruel.
Shadows from the past sneak in disturbing my peace,
rekindling painful times.
I let them stay,
feel their pain and then let them pass.
They are not forgotten or forgiven but allowed to slip by, dismissed from my life.
Do the others I sit with feel my pain or know my thoughts?
Is my pain theirs too?
Are we really all the same?
But what if we believe in different things?
I, in my Lord Krishna,
they in themselves.
Their breath guides their thoughts.
His breath guides mine.
This retreat is a place of silence and peace.
A place to reflect on everything or nothing.
Their nothing is my everything.
My everything is none of their concern because to them, it’s not real.
So, what is real?
My thoughts, their nothingness, my love, their indifference,
My self their no self?
I don’t know…
I’m tired now.
I’ll start over later,
when the bell rings again.