Category: heartbreak

Questions

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, love poetry, pain, poetry4 Comments

Matters of the heart can be hard, heavy and leave slowly.

Love lingers in disappointment and confusion.

Then softness pervades and dims the sorrow but 

embers remain hidden and kindle love’s flame in secret.

Pain seeps through tears and hearts creak, bend, and sometimes break

with the weight of longing for what might have been,

what could have been,

what should have been.

But now, spring mornings bring clarity, and

Evening tears dry and soften with the rising sun.

Time moves, and memories take their place in silence,

leaving sorrow behind to mingle with Autumn’s discarded leaves.

One ending outgrown has become another beginning.

First love that shifted to become a perfect friendship

now lies deep, protected, remembered,

 and treasured but left behind in winter’s eternal snow.

New choices have emerged from a season of hope and joy

but not without a lingering touch of sorrow and questions left unanswered.

So many questions, haunting questions, eternal questions, ones with no answers and

 those whose answers no longer matter.

I wish I could give you all the answers,

But I have faith in you my beautiful child,

to find your own answers,

 ones far better than mine,

in your time,

in your way,

in your heart.

Milkweed and Fireflies

On By MiCoIn changes, darkness, dreams, earth, faith, heartbreak, light, love, love lost, love poetry, nature, poetry, summer, sweetness2 Comments

The heavenly scent from the milkweed blossoms feeds my senses,

And the dew-soaked field sings to me in words unspoken.

 

The sweet summer night wind is alive with twinkling lights and

Fireflies sparkle in the humid mist, rivaling the stars.

 

He and I are are brought here together by light and love and once again

Drink in the sweetness of a night kissed promise.

 

We have no need for words in this place of wind and Chi,

And exist together in silence among the night flowers glowing with starshine.

 

I feel his words,

I see  his emotions…

 

I dissolve in the star-shine with him and once again,

He and I are one with the night sky and the field of flowers.

 

Nothing brings him closer to me;

Nothing brings me closer to his heart.

 

In love we once more share the beauty of darkness

And walk together in this field of light at night,

 

But our time is short as the morning always comes and with it

The sun’s light to melt our magic.

 

So together we face the heartbreak at sunrise and say goodbye again as

The sun evaporates the dew,

 

Smothers my tears,

And leaves me in this place, alone.

 

 

I Don’t Know

On By MiCoIn changes, heartbreak, love, love poetry, past times, poetry, sadnessLeave a comment

 Lonely hearts,

Collect cobwebs in the corner.

While words left unspoken,

Hang like dust motes in the sunshine.

But Life goes on with paths un-taken, names forgotten, hearts neglected.

A love was left behind,

Unwanted.

Where did it go?

Is there a place for misplaced love?

A place where it is held

And comforted or does it just dissipate slowly

Like dew in the sunshine…

I don’t know.

I just

Don’t

Know…

Epic Love

On By MiCoIn changes, courage, dreams, heartbreak, hope, Joy, light, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, peace, poetry, sadness, Self -discovery, sweetness3 Comments

That epic love, the one we can only know in our deepest heartspace, the one that remains in secret just below the surface, always.  The one we don’t speak of, ever…

It is a love other women of deep emotion and passion will understand as they have felt it too.

That one where all the signs and signals said beware, stay away,

But you didn’t, you couldn’t.

It was the Cinderella fantasy come to life.

A love too good to be true,

And was.

But it remains a time and a love that will stay in your heart and at the edge of your mind forever.

One that brings tears in the present but fond, soft and gentle memories in the future.

A love that was never meant to last, there was too much passion.  It was too intense and raw to be maintained for long.

It came into your heart like an avalanche of emotion, a storm of lust, a tide of love to overtake your Being and then just as violently as it came, it was gone, leaving you lost and heartbroken. 

But in spite of all the pain, it changed you for the better into a woman who felt a love she will never forget, never imagined was possible and will never repeat.

But then, if you are honest with yourself, you knew from the beginning that it was never really yours to keep,

Didn’t you…

She is Not a Quitter

On By MiCoIn courage, darkness, faith, heartbreak, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing1 Comment

 

My little heart keeps asking me “why?”

I hear her tiny voice in the quiet early morning hours,

but I have no answer for her.

She has stayed up all night again.

Thinking about the past, feeling the pain and sorrow of the now.

She has fallen into a deep dark pit,

Her little voice echos off the steep, cold sides.

I keep reaching out to her but her tiny hands

Have not the strength to hold on.

So she sinks back to the bottom and

Remains in sorrow and darkness.

It is so painful to witness this.

She used to be such a happy little thing,

Always positive, always trusting.

Albeit, sometimes a bit too naive for her own good,

But it was a naiveté not based on stupidity or ignorance but

One based on a choice to trust and believe in spite of the red flags not to.

I am afraid for her, she is tired and there are

Beasts down there with her in the darkness.

They are evil, heartless beasts who lie to her,

Who tell her she is not good enough, that she is unlovable and a fool.

They sneak in while she sleeps and

Whisper doubts in her ear.

I keep trying to tell her to be strong and not listen to their lies,

But I don’t think she can hear me yet.

So, I wait on the edge of the pit

With an open mind and open hand to catch her the next time she climbs to within my reach.

I don’t mind waiting.

I know she will try again soon in spite of her pain and sorrow.

I have faith in her – she is not a quitter.

Soft Sadness (April 2015/with edits)

On By MiCoIn changes, darkness, heartbreak, love, love lost, love poetry, Man, poetry, sadnessLeave a comment

The silence of midnight is

The silence of wanting.

It is dark and lonely. 

A time soft with sadness

Until the memories sneak back in

and bring with them a scent, or a look

And it is almost enough, almost

But not quite.

 I know I will long for that touch

That voice, that look,

Until once again he comes back and turns the silence of longing

Into loving.

A time when my sorrow will be erased by his touch,

His hand in mine and

His kiss will fill my sole like

A light in the darkness.

Yet again…

Still,

I know, as I have all along that 

The darkness will return and

He will never be mine to keep.

A Lesson in Love

On By MiCoIn darkness, dreams, fear, heartbreak, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing5 Comments

I wrote this particularly dark piece in November of 2015 after having just found out that the man I thought would be the love I had always wanted and had been waiting for was… well, not who he presented himself to be.  It hurts my heart to read this but it remains valuable as a reminder of the power I allowed someone else to have over me… a lesson I won’t soon forget. 

 

 You Are the Lucky One

 

“If I laugh just a little bit

Maybe I can recall the way that I used to be, before you

And sleep at night – and dream”

Cat Stevens

 

Will that time ever come to be or am I

Destined to spend forever wanting,

 

Dreaming and remembering

Your presence in my life.

 

Sometimes it seems like it was all just a dream, but it can’t be because

I still feel your hands on my body in the night,

 

I smell the scent of your skin in my bed and

See your light in my soul.

 

In my dreams I hold you, I feel your arms surround me and

Taste your mouth on mine.

 

You hold me close as I listen to your words,

Words you whisper in my ear

 

As you make love to me as only you can do.

Your passion is overwhelming, your hunger for me insatiable.

 

How does that end, how can passion like that just stop?

Where did it go?

 

Does she make you feel like I did?

Does she make you forget me?

 

If so, than I guess you are the lucky one.

Lucky to go from one love to the next without taking a breath.

 

No nights lost in the pain of what was

Or of what could have been and the why of it all.

 

No time spent in a wanting so intense that it drags you to the bottom of a dark pit,

A pit with steep, slippery sides, with no end, no way out,

 

No footholds, no dreams, just darkness, only darkness.

It is not the soft, comforting darkness of our times in each other’s arms,

 

Those times in the dark of night when we were the only two awake in the world,

Two alone sharing nights of love and trust, sweetness and heat, but

 

It is a cold and lifeless darkness, the kind that smothers you in ink, sucks the breath from

Your lungs and crushes your skull with its heaviness.

 

A paralyzing, frightening darkness that turns your thoughts back in on themselves to

Deceive and choke you,

A darkness that disguises all the goodness in the world and soaks it in pain and anger.

 

This is such a terrible place to be … I can’t find my way out…

But I am glad that you have not been sucked into the pit as well,

 

Because the only thing worse than being here alone would be

Knowing you were here too but hiding from me in the darkness.

 

 

 

 

My Child Self (still there, inside, waiting)

On By MiCoIn changes, childhood, courage, darkness, family, fear, growing, heartbreak, hope, love, love poetry, pain, past times, poetry, sadness, sweetnessLeave a comment

 

Sad little girl,

Come, sit with me.

Let me hold you, dry your tears,

Kiss your sweet little face.

I know you are hurt, I understand, I see her,

I see how she is, how she treats you.

Come and sit close, you can trust me,

I will protect you; there is no hurting here.

I know you are too little to understand, and

Too innocent to see the shame and fear she holds inside.

All you know is the pain of her betrayal.

I know and see how hard you try to please her, yet still she is hateful and mean.

I hear her tell you daily that you are not good enough, are funny looking and how she wishes she had never given birth to you.

I see and feel your pain and frustration, and

It breaks my heart to watch this happen to us.

I have learned and grown while you have waited and now the time has come

For me to come back in time to you, to a time when we were one.

Look for me and don’t be afraid, come close and I will read you a story,

I know she never did.

I will hold you like my baby and sing your sorrows to sleep,

She didn’t know how.

I will show you that you are better than good enough, and

I will prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you, in spite of what she said.

You will never be alone again,

The wait is over.

Trust me my child-self,

I have enough love for both of us, I pinky-promise.

 

 

After re-reading this post it has finally dawned on me why my anger and hurt at being neglected is still so strong… that was my punishment as a child for not being what my mother wanted me to be…. first she would yell at me and then she would ignore me, not speak to me for days at a time, and when she finally did, it was only to affirm how worthless I was… my husband treated me the same way, and so did other men in my life… unbelievable… so wrong and so sad for that little girl who still lives in my heart.

One Horrific Night

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, sadness2 Comments

I sit, as if in a dream, in my warm, softly-lit, safe, living room.  Wood-stove fire crackles contentedly while on the TV screen, volume off, a scene of unspeakable horror at an outdoor country music concert is replayed.  It runs like a nightmare in the corner of my living room, showing me that all is not right in this secular world.

The scene plays over and over as if we need to be convinced of the horror people are capable of but in the midst of the carnage, heroes stand out, people saving people, people finding courage they never knew they had, to help strangers in a time of unnatural horror.  People on the streets, news reporters, first responders all look for any shred of human decency in a scene brought on by the damaged and painfully twisted mind of one man, one human soul, one of us…

This shooting is a symptom of a long held disease of our society, one that has been neglected and hidden for too long.  Serious mental health issues affect so many people but go unnoticed or ignored. We have to stop treating the symptoms and start treating the cause.

I am sad to think that this horror will happen again.  It only takes one person with one gun… one disturbed mind, one horrific night.