Stars swirl in a midnight winter sky,
and the forest tiptoes through the darkness,
aware only of itself.
My owl friends have returned.
Their voices give life to this night’s deep darkness,
while in the distance a fox barks back to them in welcome,
his winter loneliness forgiven.
Is is me who I grieve for.
My heart and soul wait
anticipating it all to be as I want, but
I chose you, unwisely.
Why cant you be more, be what I want?
All of you, the collective you too.
But it is only me,
smothering in want and need.
Occasionally the sun breaks through but only to be swallowed by the sea, again.
Will it rise tomorrow?
Maybe not.
It is all slipping away,
It is almost over.
Until next time,
love,
next life.
The woods are still and quiet tonight.
Exhausted from growing all day,
They rest in the softness of the dark.
No demands, no impatience to grow, produce, or succeed remains.
Nothing moves tonight.
The air is heavy with dew,
Leaves hang limp on relaxed branches,
And grasses lean on each other and sleep.
Dawn will come soon and
Growth will begin again.
The fast and noisy world will awaken and
Life will continue its mission to grow but for now,
For this silent night,
All is peaceful and still,
At rest in the arms of darkness.
The heavenly scent from the milkweed blossoms feeds my senses,
And the dew-soaked field sings to me in words unspoken.
The sweet summer night wind is alive with twinkling lights and
Fireflies sparkle in the humid mist, rivaling the stars.
He and I are are brought here together by light and love and once again
Drink in the sweetness of a night kissed promise.
We have no need for words in this place of wind and Chi,
And exist together in silence among the night flowers glowing with starshine.
I feel his words,
I see his emotions…
I dissolve in the star-shine with him and once again,
He and I are one with the night sky and the field of flowers.
Nothing brings him closer to me;
Nothing brings me closer to his heart.
In love we once more share the beauty of darkness
And walk together in this field of light at night,
But our time is short as the morning always comes and with it
The sun’s light to melt our magic.
So together we face the heartbreak at sunrise and say goodbye again as
The sun evaporates the dew,
Smothers my tears,
And leaves me in this place, alone.
Sometimes, in the deep of the night,
The bark of a dog in the distance sounds like the hoot of an owl.
Odd how sounds so different can mimic one another in my mind’s foggy, deep night perception.
Makes me wonder what other deceptions
My foggy mind has fed me.
In bits and pieces,
Dribs and drabs,
Bit by bit, he fades away.
Less and less and less… until
There is no more, and
All that is left is brittle pieces on the floor
To be swept under the rug where no one will see,
No one will care, no one will know, not even him.
No one.
Except me.
Only me…
I have to shut the door,
Keep it out.
I can’t let it in.
It will only start again.
It doesn’t care about the tears but
Loves the dark.
When I’m not paying attention, it steps on my heart and
Climbs into my soul.
I don’t know its name
But it knows mine,
And yours.
There is inner stillness in the predawn darkness as
The forest begins to stir around me.
They seem to notice my presence
“Someone is among us”, they mummer.
As I sit in silence and wait,
The Eastern sky begins to lighten and
The earth responds with movement,
Air movement, a stirring, ever so slight and gentle,
More sensed than felt.
I continue to sit in silence and wait.
At last I can feel them coming closer, one by one.
Not in outer distance but in inner peace.
As they circle me I can feel them saying “Welcome”.
They bring such wisdom in their silence.
Such kindness without motion or audible voice
But a voice nonetheless, a voice that is felt with the soul
Not heard with the ears.
A voice that is eons old, no, older than that:
A voice that has existed since the beginning of time.
Since the time before manifestation.
Their voices speak to me in the sweet darkness of the woods
Telling me a tale of love, acceptance and kindness.
A story of life, of the essences of loss and the pain of suffering,
Of the agony of misunderstanding and mind induced perceptions, and
Selfish longings and needs: all of my own making.
But there is sympathy and empathy in these voices too, they know the pain,
They have felt the suffering, tasted the tears and watched their own hearts melt with disappointment.
The agony of loss is no stranger to their collective heart, so they truly understand my
State of mind today and give me comfort and love in a way only they can.
They know how I miss he who passed through the veil, they know him and he them. They are one together and it is his presence they allow me to feel here in this mourning morning softness.
The trees are my saviors; they surround me with their gentle strength and hold me in their arms
In the hardest of times, they understand without judgment, they feel my heart beat with theirs
As they stand together – silent sentinels of everlasting light and hope in
Noble silence and truth.
I am renewed by their strength, honored by their kindness and
Forever grateful for their love.
It is a hard, windy January night.
The dark is deepest this time of year with
The forest asleep, the sky swift, the stars icy and
The snow hard and crunchy under vacant feet.
For now, I am safe on this side of the frosted glass.
But later, when my eyes close, the cold will sneak in and hold me captive in its icy grip.
It will seep into my dreams and turn my tears to ice.
It will remind me of the coldness on the other side and of that empty space in my heart.
The one that used to be filled by you.
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