Is is me who I grieve for.
My heart and soul wait
anticipating it all to be as I want, but
I chose you, unwisely.
Why cant you be more, be what I want?
All of you, the collective you too.
But it is only me,
smothering in want and need.
Occasionally the sun breaks through but only to be swallowed by the sea, again.
Will it rise tomorrow?
Maybe not.
It is all slipping away,
It is almost over.
Until next time,
love,
next life.
They have escaped me,
All of them.
No new profound truths,
No more high-minded thoughts.
I’m glad they escaped.
It was time for them to go.
Just unnecessary clutter as
Emptiness and silence need no help.
Its duality is open and alive.
Broken but still alive.
It feels tight around my heart, but runs loose in my soul.
It appears useful at times,
A burden at others.
It has been too long and
I have grown tired of its games,
Its stubbornness,
Its selfishness.
I will send it packing.
I’ll sit on the suitcase top and stuff it all in and
Then I’ll watch it drag itself down the dusty dirt road alone
With bits of colored clothing sticking out through the hinges
Until it is only a cloud of dust fading in the distance.
But when I turn to leave, to finally put it in the past where it belongs, I will see it again,
Coming back at me from the opposite direction.
And just when I thought I was done…
Seashells and wave echoes
Swirl and laugh in the emptiness behind my eyes.
I have let it go, sent it away,
Opened the lock and set it free.
This open space is vast, quiet and soft.
Wave echoes roll around the edges of my inner space
And blend with the stillness that never stands still.
There is a flow and a wash to this interior space.
A space that holds it all and more.
More me, more us,
All together in the vastness of love and peace, so come,
Kick off your shoes and dance with me.
Listen to the song of the seashells and watch,
Watch the empty space fill with us and more.
Catch the wave echoes when they come around again but
This time, this one last time,
Never let go.
That epic love, the one we can only know in our deepest heartspace, the one that remains in secret just below the surface, always. The one we don’t speak of, ever…
It is a love other women of deep emotion and passion will understand as they have felt it too.
That one where all the signs and signals said beware, stay away,
But you didn’t, you couldn’t.
It was the Cinderella fantasy come to life.
A love too good to be true,
And was.
But it remains a time and a love that will stay in your heart and at the edge of your mind forever.
One that brings tears in the present but fond, soft and gentle memories in the future.
A love that was never meant to last, there was too much passion. It was too intense and raw to be maintained for long.
It came into your heart like an avalanche of emotion, a storm of lust, a tide of love to overtake your Being and then just as violently as it came, it was gone, leaving you lost and heartbroken.
But in spite of all the pain, it changed you for the better into a woman who felt a love she will never forget, never imagined was possible and will never repeat.
But then, if you are honest with yourself, you knew from the beginning that it was never really yours to keep,
Didn’t you…
The doors and windows are open wide and welcome
The wind as it blows through my house and my soul.
It brings a beingness of light and truth, peace and love, disguised as wind.
Trees sway in its beauty,
Souls sing in harmony with its truth and
The unconscious void is filled with its one love.
I know that the empty void from my past existed only in my mind.
My mind was deluded and swayed by the ways of the world but now,
I am neither of the world nor in the world as
The world is in me and you and you and you…
There is no separateness in our beings but great diversity in our humanness,
As it should be, as it was meant to be. The contrast is beautiful.
“Between the silence of the mountains and the crashing of the sea, there lives a land I once lived in and he’s waiting there for me” Moody Blues
So… will you meet me there, in the silence of the mountains, in the void of fullness, in a world of our own making
Where the wind blows its truth into our souls
And surrounds our hearts with love?
If I get there first, I’ll save your place.
Will you do the same for me?
I have to shut the door,
Keep it out.
I can’t let it in.
It will only start again.
It doesn’t care about the tears but
Loves the dark.
When I’m not paying attention, it steps on my heart and
Climbs into my soul.
I don’t know its name
But it knows mine,
And yours.
“The Great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for” Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
Such wisdom in so few words.
But what is the Great if not a compilation of the small.
Nothing is too small to be part of the One.
The Great unmainfested, is manifest in everything, including the small, especially the small.
It is through the ordinary manifestation of the One that it’s true
Heart and meaning is able to shine through.
Honor all “things” as part of the Creator
Made touchable, reachable, and real.
Ceremonies and traditions, ways of honoring the small things, act
As symbols and representations of caring for the One all-pervasive energy, the Creator.
Everywhere I look I see evidence of this truth.
When I open my eyes each morning, I acknowledge and honor the new day’s creation.
A new beginning with each sunrise, with each chime of the cuckoo clock,
As the new born light angles across my bed and bedroom walls.
My breakfast food of sweet potatoes and spinach
Lies in splendor on the golden yellow dish.
The lightly colored beautiful orange sweet potatoes shine
In stark contrast to the dark green warmth of the spinach.
They are contrasts in wholeness, beautiful small things to be honored and appreciated.
As is the tea steaming in my tea mug which shares the mug’s space and honors its useful emptiness, tea honoring mug honoring tea.
The shower water’s warmth and the soap’s scent of softness and peace
Honor my body and I honor their usefulness and dedication to service without selfishness.
And with each step and in each and every place I go throughout the day,
I try to take the time, maybe only a second or two, to notice and honor the small things.
After all, I am a small thing too.
There is inner stillness in the predawn darkness as
The forest begins to stir around me.
They seem to notice my presence
“Someone is among us”, they mummer.
As I sit in silence and wait,
The Eastern sky begins to lighten and
The earth responds with movement,
Air movement, a stirring, ever so slight and gentle,
More sensed than felt.
I continue to sit in silence and wait.
At last I can feel them coming closer, one by one.
Not in outer distance but in inner peace.
As they circle me I can feel them saying “Welcome”.
They bring such wisdom in their silence.
Such kindness without motion or audible voice
But a voice nonetheless, a voice that is felt with the soul
Not heard with the ears.
A voice that is eons old, no, older than that:
A voice that has existed since the beginning of time.
Since the time before manifestation.
Their voices speak to me in the sweet darkness of the woods
Telling me a tale of love, acceptance and kindness.
A story of life, of the essences of loss and the pain of suffering,
Of the agony of misunderstanding and mind induced perceptions, and
Selfish longings and needs: all of my own making.
But there is sympathy and empathy in these voices too, they know the pain,
They have felt the suffering, tasted the tears and watched their own hearts melt with disappointment.
The agony of loss is no stranger to their collective heart, so they truly understand my
State of mind today and give me comfort and love in a way only they can.
They know how I miss he who passed through the veil, they know him and he them. They are one together and it is his presence they allow me to feel here in this mourning morning softness.
The trees are my saviors; they surround me with their gentle strength and hold me in their arms
In the hardest of times, they understand without judgment, they feel my heart beat with theirs
As they stand together – silent sentinels of everlasting light and hope in
Noble silence and truth.
I am renewed by their strength, honored by their kindness and
Forever grateful for their love.
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