At Last

In the Joy of this peaceful Wednesday morning,

a kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts,

floods my soul like sunlight through the clouds.

It gives me just a glimpse of the crystal blue sky that lies beyond the gray.

A blue that waits patiently for me to notice it is there.

But when I do, my desire to hold onto that blue sky, that glimpse of joy,

becomes my downfall.

The sky-blue joy is not meant to be held or captured.

Holding it too close would be to smother it, diminish its power.

Instead, I learned to move with it, become part of it,

no longer wishing to become its conqueror or controller.

So now, over time, I have come to realize and understand that only by letting go

can I feel the crystal blue joy deep inside my heart,

welcoming me back home…

At last.  

My Turn

At 68 it is now my turn.

You have taken care of me since I was formed in my mother’s womb in darkness.

But the darkness didn’t last, and you became my friend and love.

You loved me though the baby stages, the reckless teen years,

the trials of using you to produce more of me,

the times of struggling with weight, too much or too little.

You only thought of me and I, in my arrogance and misunderstandings of your propose,

treated you as a second-class citizen.

As someone with no rights, and no thoughts for yourself and

For my arrogance, I am sorry.

I am sorry for all the times I didn’t pay attention to what you needed,

what you cried out for,

what you wanted,

what you cried in the night for,

what I didn’t give you.

But now, here we are.

We are still here together but

the tables have turned and it is I who

must take care of you.

I who must finally listen to you,

give you what your need,

respect your sacrifices,

your hurts and sorrows.

You have carried me all these years so now

it is only right that I should carry you.

I watch you struggle daily with things that used to be so easy for you.

So easy that I never gave them a thought.

I do now.

I see how unbalanced you are and wonder when that happened.

I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

Your shape has changed.

That too is my fault.

You have done nothing wrong but are failing anyway.

Time is now your enemy,

The way of nature dictates your future regardless of what I want.

So now it is my turn.

My turn to give you all that you need to keep going

until your time has expired, and I leave you.

When the time comes, I will leave but not without sorrow for you because you, my friend,

have been the best body and friend a human

could ever have had.

I have been blessed to call you mine

and will take the memory of how well you have served me

on my next journey, wherever that may take me.

I will never forget you,

And when the end comes,

I will thank you and send you back to the earth in peace.

Rest well there my friend, rest well.

Helpless

In my dream I held her.

She was tiny, crazed with rage.

She beat her little fists against my words,

as if brute force could keep the nothingness away.

I was sad but I told her it was ok, that all would be well.

I said I would take care of it and of her…

But I lied.

I couldn’t.

I was just her friend with no power to stop her disease.

I felt guilty.

But there soon came a time when it really didn’t matter anymore.

She didn’t remember me.

I don’t remember her being so small…

It must have happened when I wasn’t looking.

Next Life

Is is me who I grieve for.

My heart and soul wait

anticipating it all to be as I want, but

I chose you, unwisely.

Why cant you be more, be what I want?

All of you, the collective you too.

But it is only me,

smothering in want and need.

Occasionally the sun breaks through but only to be swallowed by the sea, again.

Will it rise tomorrow?

Maybe not.

It is all slipping away,

It is almost over.

Until next time,

love,

next life.

To Be

There is a thickness to humanity.

A dense and heavy layer.

A disguise, a cover, an excuse.

A veil of mystery waiting to be

Lifted, awakened, removed.

There is so much, so much in each one,

So deep, so vast, so hidden.

But there are those moments,

Moments of clarity, moments of knowing,

Moments of awareness for even the

Most unaware.

The richness that hides beneath

Comes to the surface, unbidden but persistent.

Always there in each of us, waiting behind the scenes, waiting to be noticed,

Waiting to be

To be

To just be

And be done.

Milkweed and Fireflies

The heavenly scent from the milkweed blossoms feeds my senses,

And the dew-soaked field sings to me in words unspoken.

 

The sweet summer night wind is alive with twinkling lights and

Fireflies sparkle in the humid mist, rivaling the stars.

 

He and I are are brought here together by light and love and once again

Drink in the sweetness of a night kissed promise.

 

We have no need for words in this place of wind and Chi,

And exist together in silence among the night flowers glowing with starshine.

 

I feel his words,

I see  his emotions…

 

I dissolve in the star-shine with him and once again,

He and I are one with the night sky and the field of flowers.

 

Nothing brings him closer to me;

Nothing brings me closer to his heart.

 

In love we once more share the beauty of darkness

And walk together in this field of light at night,

 

But our time is short as the morning always comes and with it

The sun’s light to melt our magic.

 

So together we face the heartbreak at sunrise and say goodbye again as

The sun evaporates the dew,

 

Smothers my tears,

And leaves me in this place, alone.

 

 

Epic Love

That epic love, the one we can only know in our deepest heartspace, the one that remains in secret just below the surface, always.  The one we don’t speak of, ever…

It is a love other women of deep emotion and passion will understand as they have felt it too.

That one where all the signs and signals said beware, stay away,

But you didn’t, you couldn’t.

It was the Cinderella fantasy come to life.

A love too good to be true,

And was.

But it remains a time and a love that will stay in your heart and at the edge of your mind forever.

One that brings tears in the present but fond, soft and gentle memories in the future.

A love that was never meant to last, there was too much passion.  It was too intense and raw to be maintained for long.

It came into your heart like an avalanche of emotion, a storm of lust, a tide of love to overtake your Being and then just as violently as it came, it was gone, leaving you lost and heartbroken. 

But in spite of all the pain, it changed you for the better into a woman who felt a love she will never forget, never imagined was possible and will never repeat.

But then, if you are honest with yourself, you knew from the beginning that it was never really yours to keep,

Didn’t you…

I’ll Save Your Place

The doors and windows are open wide and welcome

The wind as it blows through my house and my soul.

It brings a beingness of light and truth, peace and love, disguised as wind.

Trees sway in its beauty,

Souls sing in harmony with its truth and

The unconscious void is filled with its one love.

I know that the empty void from my past existed only in my mind.

My mind was deluded and swayed by the ways of the world but now,

I am neither of the world nor in the world as

The world is in me and you and you and you…

There is no separateness in our beings but great diversity in our humanness,

As it should be, as it was meant to be. The contrast is beautiful.

“Between the silence of the mountains and the crashing of the sea, there lives a land I once lived in and he’s waiting there for me” Moody Blues

So… will you meet me there, in the silence of the mountains, in the void of fullness, in a world of our own making

Where the wind blows its truth into our souls

And surrounds our hearts with love?

If I get there first, I’ll save your place.

Will you do the same for me?

Small Things

“The Great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for” Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

 

Such wisdom in so few words.

But what is the Great if not a compilation of the small.

 

Nothing is too small to be part of the One.

The Great unmainfested, is manifest in everything, including the small, especially the small.

 

It is through the ordinary manifestation of the One that it’s true

Heart and meaning is able to shine through.

 

Honor all “things” as part of the Creator

Made touchable, reachable, and real.

 

Ceremonies and traditions, ways of honoring the small things, act

As symbols and representations of caring for the One all-pervasive energy, the Creator.

 

Everywhere I look I see evidence of this truth.

When I open my eyes each morning, I acknowledge and honor the new day’s creation.

 

A new beginning with each sunrise, with each chime of the cuckoo clock,

As the new born light angles across my bed and bedroom walls.

 

My breakfast food of sweet potatoes and spinach

Lies in splendor on the golden yellow dish.

 

The lightly colored beautiful orange sweet potatoes shine

In stark contrast to the dark green warmth of the spinach.

 

They are contrasts in wholeness, beautiful small things to be honored and appreciated.

As is the tea steaming in my tea mug which shares the mug’s space and honors its useful emptiness, tea honoring mug honoring tea.

 

The shower water’s warmth and the soap’s scent of softness and peace

Honor my body and I honor their usefulness and dedication to service without selfishness.

 

And with each step and in each and every place I go throughout the day,

I try to take the time, maybe only a second or two, to notice and honor the small things.

 

After all, I am a small thing too.