Is is me who I grieve for.
My heart and soul wait
anticipating it all to be as I want, but
I chose you, unwisely.
Why cant you be more, be what I want?
All of you, the collective you too.
But it is only me,
smothering in want and need.
Occasionally the sun breaks through but only to be swallowed by the sea, again.
Will it rise tomorrow?
Maybe not.
It is all slipping away,
It is almost over.
Until next time,
love,
next life.
There is a thickness to humanity.
A dense and heavy layer.
A disguise, a cover, an excuse.
A veil of mystery waiting to be
Lifted, awakened, removed.
There is so much, so much in each one,
So deep, so vast, so hidden.
But there are those moments,
Moments of clarity, moments of knowing,
Moments of awareness for even the
Most unaware.
The richness that hides beneath
Comes to the surface, unbidden but persistent.
Always there in each of us, waiting behind the scenes, waiting to be noticed,
Waiting to be
To be
To just be
And be done.
It will come to me,
It always does.
Not when I expect it to
But in its own time and
By its own rules.
So I wait, and wait
Until the time is right,
The rules are followed and
We turn to each other and say,
“Hello again, I have missed you”.
The heavenly scent from the milkweed blossoms feeds my senses,
And the dew-soaked field sings to me in words unspoken.
The sweet summer night wind is alive with twinkling lights and
Fireflies sparkle in the humid mist, rivaling the stars.
He and I are are brought here together by light and love and once again
Drink in the sweetness of a night kissed promise.
We have no need for words in this place of wind and Chi,
And exist together in silence among the night flowers glowing with starshine.
I feel his words,
I see his emotions…
I dissolve in the star-shine with him and once again,
He and I are one with the night sky and the field of flowers.
Nothing brings him closer to me;
Nothing brings me closer to his heart.
In love we once more share the beauty of darkness
And walk together in this field of light at night,
But our time is short as the morning always comes and with it
The sun’s light to melt our magic.
So together we face the heartbreak at sunrise and say goodbye again as
The sun evaporates the dew,
Smothers my tears,
And leaves me in this place, alone.
That epic love, the one we can only know in our deepest heartspace, the one that remains in secret just below the surface, always. The one we don’t speak of, ever…
It is a love other women of deep emotion and passion will understand as they have felt it too.
That one where all the signs and signals said beware, stay away,
But you didn’t, you couldn’t.
It was the Cinderella fantasy come to life.
A love too good to be true,
And was.
But it remains a time and a love that will stay in your heart and at the edge of your mind forever.
One that brings tears in the present but fond, soft and gentle memories in the future.
A love that was never meant to last, there was too much passion. It was too intense and raw to be maintained for long.
It came into your heart like an avalanche of emotion, a storm of lust, a tide of love to overtake your Being and then just as violently as it came, it was gone, leaving you lost and heartbroken.
But in spite of all the pain, it changed you for the better into a woman who felt a love she will never forget, never imagined was possible and will never repeat.
But then, if you are honest with yourself, you knew from the beginning that it was never really yours to keep,
Didn’t you…
The doors and windows are open wide and welcome
The wind as it blows through my house and my soul.
It brings a beingness of light and truth, peace and love, disguised as wind.
Trees sway in its beauty,
Souls sing in harmony with its truth and
The unconscious void is filled with its one love.
I know that the empty void from my past existed only in my mind.
My mind was deluded and swayed by the ways of the world but now,
I am neither of the world nor in the world as
The world is in me and you and you and you…
There is no separateness in our beings but great diversity in our humanness,
As it should be, as it was meant to be. The contrast is beautiful.
“Between the silence of the mountains and the crashing of the sea, there lives a land I once lived in and he’s waiting there for me” Moody Blues
So… will you meet me there, in the silence of the mountains, in the void of fullness, in a world of our own making
Where the wind blows its truth into our souls
And surrounds our hearts with love?
If I get there first, I’ll save your place.
Will you do the same for me?
“The Great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for” Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
Such wisdom in so few words.
But what is the Great if not a compilation of the small.
Nothing is too small to be part of the One.
The Great unmainfested, is manifest in everything, including the small, especially the small.
It is through the ordinary manifestation of the One that it’s true
Heart and meaning is able to shine through.
Honor all “things” as part of the Creator
Made touchable, reachable, and real.
Ceremonies and traditions, ways of honoring the small things, act
As symbols and representations of caring for the One all-pervasive energy, the Creator.
Everywhere I look I see evidence of this truth.
When I open my eyes each morning, I acknowledge and honor the new day’s creation.
A new beginning with each sunrise, with each chime of the cuckoo clock,
As the new born light angles across my bed and bedroom walls.
My breakfast food of sweet potatoes and spinach
Lies in splendor on the golden yellow dish.
The lightly colored beautiful orange sweet potatoes shine
In stark contrast to the dark green warmth of the spinach.
They are contrasts in wholeness, beautiful small things to be honored and appreciated.
As is the tea steaming in my tea mug which shares the mug’s space and honors its useful emptiness, tea honoring mug honoring tea.
The shower water’s warmth and the soap’s scent of softness and peace
Honor my body and I honor their usefulness and dedication to service without selfishness.
And with each step and in each and every place I go throughout the day,
I try to take the time, maybe only a second or two, to notice and honor the small things.
After all, I am a small thing too.
It is a hard, windy January night.
The dark is deepest this time of year with
The forest asleep, the sky swift, the stars icy and
The snow hard and crunchy under vacant feet.
For now, I am safe on this side of the frosted glass.
But later, when my eyes close, the cold will sneak in and hold me captive in its icy grip.
It will seep into my dreams and turn my tears to ice.
It will remind me of the coldness on the other side and of that empty space in my heart.
The one that used to be filled by you.
The sky is happy to hold you,
While the earth and I still mourn your leaving.
They say that time heals but all these years have not healed my heart and
The emptiness of your absence remains strong within me and here in this place,
Although this field where I stand remains the eternal now
As it was when you and I walked here together.
The scent of its grass brings my heart and memory back to you every time and
Makes me wonder if the flowers blooming here remember our footsteps and loving among them?
I visit here often and breathe in the scent of this place and remember what it held for us, just you and me, and then I hide behind that memory’s peace where my heart is soothed, but only for just a while.
And at sunset, sadness returns again to dampen the grass and hold still my heartbeat in that remembrance.
Yet despite the passage of time and depth of my sorrow, this place appears to be unchanged
From when we walked its paths together, hand in hand as if we had all the time in the world.
But when I look deeper, I know it is unchanged on the surface only and, like me,
Still holds its breath and waits, and sighs and wonders why…
Why does the sky get to hold you so close while it and my heart long for your footsteps,
The sound of your voice, the scent of your skin, and the light of your smile?
The answer never comes and as
The sun sets and the horizon grows dark
And takes you away from me, again,
I wonder…
Do you remember the first time?
The one that became the last?
Star shine drips from the night sky and runs along the naked winter tree branches like syrup
Leaving iridescent trails of silver to wrap around the rough barked trunks.
The sliver shine lights my way
As it spills star souls on the forest floor and
While I follow the star trails, eons pass in an instant and eternity sleeps
In the soft warm glow of acceptance and starlight.
The cold surrounds my soul and heart in these winter depths but the
Dense air adds clarity to my vision as I walk the trails of stars.
They take me to a different place, a place at once new and ancient,
A place to observe all in silence while cloaked in the winter wood.
I see mosses hold their breath in the glow of the star-flow and hear them whispering their secrets to a silent waiting cosmos while holding tightly to the trunks of the trees.
Late geese fly across the moon, their cries urgent in the night sky
Confused by the uncommon shimmering silver ground below.
I am not alone in this realm of silver winter as
The forest is full of the souls and spirits of summer’s love.
I feel them all around me, darting in and out of tree shadows,
Stopping to watch me from behind drifts of truth and light.
The discarded autumn leaves warm the soil beneath the drifts
And life waits in patient stillness.
My mind becomes as still as the waiting life as I travel the empty space between the stars reflected in the snow’s white depth.
There is no urgency in me or in this place
Only the beauty and silence of peace and star light.
The winter forest is a secret,
A complete world in and of itself hiding in plain sight.
Its silence a decoy to protect its love lying safe and secure underground.
Go to the forest; breathe in the silent dripping starshine,
Follow the starlight as it traces the outline your soul.
Blend with the magic of the forest as
It is only there under the canopy of eternity that you can become as silent and still
As the dense crisp air surrounding you and once again, as in the beginning,
Go home to that place within that holds you in the soft silver glow of now and
Within that silent place returns you to wholeness.
The soul of the winter forest knows and understands you.
She is waiting for your return.
