Haiku (1-5)

-1-

My arms can’t hold him

My heart cannot let him go

My soul feels empty

-2-

My love has not left

In hides deep within my soul

It can’t find his heart

-3-

The rain stops – silence

Earth smiles in gratitude

Clouds fill with promise

-4-

Soft warm summer night

Stars are blurred by humid air

Frost will return soon

-5-

Blue skies lie to me

Nothing is ever the same

After the rain stops

I Wonder Where He Is

I feel him,

taste his mouth,

smell his skin and feel his touch.

He is strong and kind,

passionate and silly,

lighthearted and honest.

He holds me in the night and kisses

my eyes awake each morning,

as our souls mingle in the soft warm darkness of early morning sleep.

Early morning is a special time where yesterday and tomorrow meet and

blend together into the now.

I know I have known him since before time existed.

There is no separation between he and I

as we are two halves of a whole.

He is my Anam Cara, and I his,

my soul mate, my life.

I wonder if he exists…


From the Inside Out

When I take the time to look inside,

instead of outside,

I find miraculous things.

Things I never have seen before,

feelings I never have noticed and

rules left unfollowed.

Oftentimes they are rules I have imposed on others

but never have followed myself.

Those others, whom I say I know well and in my arrogance convince myself that I know

how they think and feel, always turn out to be not who I thought they were.

A disappointment, but the fault is mine.

Through wisdom that only comes with age,

I have finally realized that it is only me who I can ever really know…

but only from the inside out.

Wind and Chi

This field, our place of wind and chi.
Big sky – distant mountains and
wind, always the wind
pushing the chi into our souls,
filling every cell of our bodies
with its energy.

We were together.

But now… he is gone….
and I am left here alone.
The silent soft sadness surrounds me and
when my body can hold no more
seeps from my fingertips and
the corners of my eyes.

In despair I sit, just sit with
my hands and feet in the grass,
my head in the clouds and
my heart in his hands.

This place, this field, is a crack in the veil
between the worlds
where the bodhicitta flows.

The Earth’s life force that exists here swirls like smoke around my feet
and echoes in the bird song
that fills the spaces between the trees.

Sun light is filtered in ever changing
dappled patters as the wind ripples
the grasses in waves that travel through this wind-chi place.

His essence lingers in this thin place and
even after so many years have passed,
it is here, but only here,
that I still feel him beside me.

I hear his voice on the wind,
see his smile in the bird song, and feel
his love in the sweet softness of the grass and
whispers of the evening mist.

When I am here, time moves slowly and
each moment osculates freely in this place
of wind and chi
where forever is cradled in the
blooms of the milkweed.

In memory J

I Had Forgotten

His words float like jewels in the darkness and quiet of my heart.

We live in the warm and soft darkness together,

A darkness that is not sad or lonely, but strong and free.

I hear my heartbeats echo in the soft darkness that holds us together.

A place of emptiness but bursting with truth and love.

I would tell you more, but it is not my truth to share, it is his.

His is the only one that works.

His pointings have taken me back to a place I never left,

But a place I had forgotten existed.

Thank God it had not forgotten me.

Helpless

In my dream I held her.

She was tiny, crazed with rage.

She beat her little fists against my words,

as if brute force could keep the nothingness away.

I was sad but I told her it was ok, that all would be well.

I said I would take care of it and of her…

But I lied.

I couldn’t.

I was just her friend with no power to stop her disease.

I felt guilty.

But there soon came a time when it really didn’t matter anymore.

She didn’t remember me.

I don’t remember her being so small…

It must have happened when I wasn’t looking.

Solitary Seclusion

In self-imposed solitary seclusion

the so-called facts are in doubt.

It appears the spells have been lifted and forgotten,

And life has become merely withstood,

Not lived.

But why?

Why just withstood?

Why just survived?

Let’s bring back the spells.

Believe not in other’s so-called facts

But in the universal truth.

Surrender to the beauty of solitary seclusion

And rejoice in the freedom it brings

to enjoy what is,

and not what only appears to be.

Witness

The trees outside my bedroom window are naked but
evergreens remain green to remind me of life’s continuance,
always existing just below the surface.
The trees are stark silhouettes in gray,
each branch and twig evident but asleep.
There is a silence in the wood.
A soft, comforting, sleeping silence,
a hush of reverence, a soothing of soul.
Awareness hangs like smoke among the naked branches.
An awareness of belonging, of no doubts,
of confidence in the being and faith in the belonging.
So they stand, the trees of winter, cold and silent,
in perfect harmony with their place and mine.
Each a witness to the other and
both a witness to the One.  

One Last Time

Seashells and wave echoes

swirled and laughed in the emptiness behind my eyes.

But now I have let them go, sent them away,

unlocked the door and set them free.

The remaining empty space is vast, but quiet, and soft.

Yet never truly empty despite my best efforts

for when I’m not looking, the wave echoes return to roll around the edges of my inner space

once again.

They blend with a stillness that never stands still,

and become a part of the flow and wash in the space behind my eyes.

It is an expanding space that can hold everything and more.

More me, more us,

together in the completeness of warm love and peace.

So come my love, kick off your shoes and dance with me again.

Listen to the song of the seashells and watch…

watch the empty space fill with us and only us.

Catch the wave echoes when they come around again and

this time,

this one last time,

never

let

go.