At Last

In the Joy of this peaceful Wednesday morning,

a kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts,

floods my soul like sunlight through the clouds.

It gives me just a glimpse of the crystal blue sky that lies beyond the gray.

A blue that waits patiently for me to notice it is there.

But when I do, my desire to hold onto that blue sky, that glimpse of joy,

becomes my downfall.

The sky-blue joy is not meant to be held or captured.

Holding it too close would be to smother it, diminish its power.

Instead, I learned to move with it, become part of it,

no longer wishing to become its conqueror or controller.

So now, over time, I have come to realize and understand that only by letting go

can I feel the crystal blue joy deep inside my heart,

welcoming me back home…

At last.  

My Turn

At 68 it is now my turn.

You have taken care of me since I was formed in my mother’s womb in darkness.

But the darkness didn’t last, and you became my friend and love.

You loved me though the baby stages, the reckless teen years,

the trials of using you to produce more of me,

the times of struggling with weight, too much or too little.

You only thought of me and I, in my arrogance and misunderstandings of your propose,

treated you as a second-class citizen.

As someone with no rights, and no thoughts for yourself and

For my arrogance, I am sorry.

I am sorry for all the times I didn’t pay attention to what you needed,

what you cried out for,

what you wanted,

what you cried in the night for,

what I didn’t give you.

But now, here we are.

We are still here together but

the tables have turned and it is I who

must take care of you.

I who must finally listen to you,

give you what your need,

respect your sacrifices,

your hurts and sorrows.

You have carried me all these years so now

it is only right that I should carry you.

I watch you struggle daily with things that used to be so easy for you.

So easy that I never gave them a thought.

I do now.

I see how unbalanced you are and wonder when that happened.

I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

Your shape has changed.

That too is my fault.

You have done nothing wrong but are failing anyway.

Time is now your enemy,

The way of nature dictates your future regardless of what I want.

So now it is my turn.

My turn to give you all that you need to keep going

until your time has expired, and I leave you.

When the time comes, I will leave but not without sorrow for you because you, my friend,

have been the best body and friend a human

could ever have had.

I have been blessed to call you mine

and will take the memory of how well you have served me

on my next journey, wherever that may take me.

I will never forget you,

And when the end comes,

I will thank you and send you back to the earth in peace.

Rest well there my friend, rest well.

Haiku (1-5)

-1-

My arms can’t hold him

My heart cannot let him go

My soul feels empty

-2-

My love has not left

In hides deep within my soul

It can’t find his heart

-3-

The rain stops – silence

Earth smiles in gratitude

Clouds fill with promise

-4-

Soft warm summer night

Stars are blurred by humid air

Frost will return soon

-5-

Blue skies lie to me

Nothing is ever the same

After the rain stops

Helpless

In my dream I held her.

She was tiny, crazed with rage.

She beat her little fists against my words,

as if brute force could keep the nothingness away.

I was sad but I told her it was ok, that all would be well.

I said I would take care of it and of her…

But I lied.

I couldn’t.

I was just her friend with no power to stop her disease.

I felt guilty.

But there soon came a time when it really didn’t matter anymore.

She didn’t remember me.

I don’t remember her being so small…

It must have happened when I wasn’t looking.

Solitary Seclusion

In self-imposed solitary seclusion

the so-called facts are in doubt.

It appears the spells have been lifted and forgotten,

And life has become merely withstood,

Not lived.

But why?

Why just withstood?

Why just survived?

Let’s bring back the spells.

Believe not in other’s so-called facts

But in the universal truth.

Surrender to the beauty of solitary seclusion

And rejoice in the freedom it brings

to enjoy what is,

and not what only appears to be.

Next Life

Is is me who I grieve for.

My heart and soul wait

anticipating it all to be as I want, but

I chose you, unwisely.

Why cant you be more, be what I want?

All of you, the collective you too.

But it is only me,

smothering in want and need.

Occasionally the sun breaks through but only to be swallowed by the sea, again.

Will it rise tomorrow?

Maybe not.

It is all slipping away,

It is almost over.

Until next time,

love,

next life.

Misplaced

Waterfalls of silence

flood my senses and heart.

It is too hard and too soft at the same time.

Smokey shadows of what could have been linger.

“If only” echos across my senses

alone to exist in the perpetual in-between.

Only a thought, a glimpse of there and then.

Not here and now.

Passion, mine,

misplaced and misunderstood remains

quiet and sleepy now,

All consuming,

Silently alone.

Too Late

It’s too late now.

No point in trying to start over.

It is back.

Same but different.

I feel like I’m waiting.

Waiting for life to pass as children do when they play games

killing time to grow up.

Except,

I’m killing time to die.

But it’s not a sad state.

It feels normal.

A part of the progression of life.

Moving toward the end,

is smooth and well… it’s okay.

I feel sometimes like time has stopped.

My quest for life’s riches has ceased to be important and, in its place,

is a quiet resignation, a comfort.

Gratitude fills me with the knowing that all is as it should be.

There truly is a time for every purpose under heaven…