My Child Self (still there, inside, waiting)


Sad little girl,

Come, sit with me.

Let me hold you, dry your tears,

Kiss your sweet little face.

I know you are hurt, I understand, I see her,

I see how she is, how she treats you.

Come and sit close, you can trust me,

I will protect you; there is no hurting here.

I know you are too little to understand, and

Too innocent to see the shame and fear she holds inside.

All you know is the pain of her betrayal.

I know and see how hard you try to please her, yet still she is hateful and mean.

I hear her tell you daily that you are not good enough, are funny looking and how she wishes she had never given birth to you.

I see and feel your pain and frustration, and

It breaks my heart to watch this happen to us.

I have learned and grown while you have waited and now the time has come

For me to come back in time to you, to a time when we were one.

Look for me and don’t be afraid, come close and I will read you a story,

I know she never did.

I will hold you like my baby and sing your sorrows to sleep,

She didn’t know how.

I will show you that you are better than good enough, and

I will prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you, in spite of what she said.

You will never be alone again,

The wait is over.

Trust me my child-self,

I have enough love for both of us, I pinky-promise.



After re-reading this post it has finally dawned on me why my anger and hurt at being neglected is still so strong… that was my punishment as a child for not being what my mother wanted me to be…. first she would yell at me and then she would ignore me, not speak to me for days at a time, and when she finally did, it was only to affirm how worthless I was… my husband treated me the same way, and so did other men in my life… unbelievable… so wrong and so sad for that little girl who still lives in my heart.

Wisdom at Midnight


Last night, at midnight, an Owl spoke in the forest,

And I understood.

Listening I realized how a perpetual misunderstanding was coloring my thoughts,

But not the owl’s as her knowledge is deep and colored by nothing but the truth.

As I lay alone in my bed, I felt the darkness soothe the forest’s heart and hoped, but

It could not touch my disturbed soul.

I couldn’t see, I didn’t know what was next,

I felt suffocated by the inky blackness while

The forest mother was at peace and

Sighed in contentment.

My only peace now will come from learning from her.

To accept her invitation to  surrender my will and lay down in her gentle softness,

To use a layer of her leaves as my bed while

Her twinkly night sky becomes my pillow.

I will trust her to protect me, to hold me close and

Put me to sleep with her lullaby of star-shine.

I know its the only way as Her wisdom is deeper than mine, dependable,

Greater than me, and more than just a beacon in this perpetual darkness.

Tell me, did you hear the owl’s wisdom at midnight too?

From The Inside Out


When I take the time to look inside, instead of outside,

I find miraculous things.  Things I never have seen before,

Feelings I never have noticed and rules I never have followed.

Oftentimes they are the feelings and rules I have imposed on others but never followed myself.

Others whom I say I know well and in my arrogance convince myself that I know how they think,

And feel but in reality, my assumptions are baseless and I realize

That it is only me who I can ever know…

But only from the inside out.

Moments In Waiting

Moments spent waiting with stillness, inactivity, and

Ticking time are the smoothness in the silence and perfection of waiting.

Is it an interruption of love,

A collective ending or …

Maybe just a pause in time,

A stopping of existence which becomes an eternity in thought.

Is time spent waiting, wasted?

  Only the end will tell.

A longing to hold, a missed kiss, an emptying of soul

Fill the moments spent


The Single Second of Midnight

The Deep primal sounds at midnight are

A gathering of voices in the dark.

The language is unknown

But the meaning is understood.

Darkness hides the players

But not the play

As it is a script followed

Since the beginning of time.

The cast of characters remains the same with only

The players changing.

The truth of the story portrayed is undeniable, and

Is perfected in the casting of souls when the sounds of their voices gather and

Eternity resides in the single second of Midnight.


My Mind


My mind has become my enemy,

One that shares this space inside of me but cares not for my well-being.

It turns night into day, lust into love, wants into envy,

Truth – my truth – into lies.

It whispers in my left ear, words

My right side, it knows, will reject.

In the beginning, my human beginning, my mind

Was my friend, my ally, my confidant, but no more.


So I spend my time sitting and focusing on my

Return to that initial, eternal being,


And when that process is complete,

My mind will return to its natural state as my life navigator and soul companion.

Its taunting will stop, its search for drama will cease,

Its creation of a hundred hurtful scenarios a day will end,

And once again, as it was in the beginning,

It will become my friend.


It Waits

It waits with patience hands

Outside our knowing, waiting to be let in.

Its story is always the same,

Its truth dependable but not always what we want to hear.

There is no hypocrisy, no deceit in its soul.

It is the soul that fills the void, that encompasses the eternal.

It exists in rhythms of time, tides of dependability,

Cycles of freedom and seasons of hope.

It can be ignored, but never escaped and so it waits,

In beauty and joy, in bliss and acceptance, in love and peace,

For us to wake up and realize it is but a mirror of ourselves,

The face of our existence, the light in our souls,

The essence of our being

Before we were born.

All the Light of a Million Suns


His hands are weightless

His smile, eternal.


His eyes hold all the stars in the universe,

All the light of a million suns.


His energy charges every cell in my body and

His love powers and drives my nightly dreams.


When he speaks to me, his words feel like a warm soft blanket

Draped  with love over my shoulders.


His voice comes to me in the silence of meditation telling me to stop,

To let it all go.


He tells me that good will only come to me

After I throw out and reject the darkness.


He watches in silence and sadness as

I try but fail over and over…


He knows he can’t do it for me.

I know I can’t do it for myself.



Truth and Freedom

It is within the stillness between my heart beats and

The silence between my breaths that I have found my truth and freedom.

It is subtle, unimposing, but

All-encompassing and the only truth there is.

It is the only truth that need be, and the only reality that is eternal.

The truth is evident in the radiance that shines from the sleeping faces of babies,

And the soft sunshine on a clear blue autumn day.

My heart and soul accept the divine gift that has been given to me and I know now,

Beyond a doubt, that my freedom is of me and from me and

Mine alone to believe.

Still Believing

She feels like an endangered species,

While she waits, still believing in love,

She hides beneath the ordinary

Remaining the one who is always overlooked.

The well of love she holds is full,

Free for giving, free to be taken, to be emptied with limitless refills.

Yet still she waits, wanting to hope, yet not daring to,

Trying hard not to expect, knowing it may never be.

Loving yet never loved,

Loving alone,

Yet still believing.