Category: poetry

Why I Cry

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, hope, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing11 Comments

He doesn’t cry for me,

He cries for himself.

 

The magnitude of the pain he has caused

Makes him uncomfortable.

 

He can’t believe he is

Capable of such unkindness, it is not his way.

 

He is not a bad person,

Confused perhaps, but not bad.

 

He tries to love everyone and

In theory that is a great and noble way to live and so

 

His aura glows, his eyes speak kindness and

His soul shines through with good intentions.

 

I think he is capable of all the those good things, they are in his heart,

But he is also a man, just a man.

 

A man who has had to suffer the injustices of this society,

Who has had to endure heartache, broken dreams and all the other issues life has thrown at him.

 

He is not immune to pain or mistakes, and

It is unfair to expect him to be.

 

But being merely “human” does not give anyone license to

Hurt another human being, intentionally or not.

 

I don’t write these lines to hurt him,

To point out his faults – I have as many.

 

I write these lines for myself, to try and make sense of this heartbreak

This soul devouring sadness, but as hard as I try …

 

I cannot hate him; it would be easier if I could.

My love for him is too strong and fills my heart; there is no room there for hate.

But he already knows all of this, he knows what I think, what I feel, who I am

And somehow that makes this hurting worse, precisely because he did know all along…

 

So, did I expect too much of him? Expect him to be something he’s not, to live up to my standards? I don’t think so.

 

He is capable of being all that I envision him to be,

All that he wants to be and more,

 

And that is why I cry for us both.

 

Candlelight, Soft Love and Raindrops

On By MiCoIn autumn, candles, darkness, dreams, earth, garden, heartbreak, hope, light, love, love lost, love poetry, nature, pain, poetry, sadness, sweetness5 Comments

I hear the rain in the early morning darkness,

It’s sound muffled by the closed windows and leaf blanketed forest floor.

 

But its soft sound is enough to keep me awake,

Awake and day dreaming of happier times.

 

Of times when the sound of the rain brought sweet contentment and thankfulness

For its life giving qualities to my mind.

 

A time when it was summer’s refreshment,

And the garden sang in gratitude for its warm sweetness.

 

But now, as I sit here on my bed at 2:00 am, alone in this November darkness,

The droning on the roof only serves to remind me of our separateness,

 

Our aloneness and isolation, one from the other,

With the sound of the rain our only connection.

 

This simple connecting sound brings me to thoughts of him and

I picture him in his room,

 

Lying beneath his white down comforter,

While the rain drops roll in rivers down his bedroom windows.

 

The rain’s sound is amplified by the sloping eves of his bedroom ceiling where the soft flicker of candle light dances.

 

The memory of the warmth of his body lying next to mine takes my breath away.

I can feel his long lean limbs, light but strong, wrapped around me in complete trust

 

As together we sleep as one, our separateness abandoned and replaced by a union of warmth, safety and love.

 

But slowly my day dream fades and reality comes seeping back to me in my empty bed and

The sound of the rain outside my window becomes the sound of my tears.

 

Although the scene in my mind fades away into the darkness of this November night,

My thoughts stay with him.

 

And as I try once again to lose myself in the healing peace of sleep

I become aware of the missing sound of my heart beating in my chest.

 

It seems my heart has left me and has chosen instead to stay behind in my day dream with him.

But I don’t feel betrayed or upset with its abandonment for

 

I cannot blame it for wising to remain in the sweet memory of candlelight, soft love and raindrops, I understand – it is my wish as well.

You Are The Lucky One

On By MiCoIn darkness, dreams, fear, heartbreak, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing3 Comments

“If I laugh just a little bit

Maybe I can recall the way that I used to be, before you

And sleep at night – and dream”

Cat Stevens

 

Will that time ever come to be or am I

Destined to spend forever wanting,

 

Dreaming and remembering

Your presence in my life.

 

Sometimes it seems like it was all just a dream but it can’t be because

I still feel your hands on my body in the night, I smell the scent of your skin in my bed and see your light in my soul.

 

In my dreams I hold you, I feel your arms surround me and

Taste your mouth on mine.

 

You hold me close and I listen to your words,

Words you whispered in my ear

 

As you made love to me as only you can do.

Your passion overwhelming, your hunger for me insatiable.

 

How does that end, how can a passion like that just stop?

Where did it go?

 

Does she make you feel like I did?

Does she make you forget me?

 

If so, than I guess you are the lucky one.

Lucky to go from one love to the next without taking a breath.

 

No nights lost in the pain of what was

Or of what could have been and the why of it all.

 

No time spent in a wanting so intense that it drags you to the bottom of a dark pit,

A pit with steep, slippery sides, with no end, no way out,

 

No footholds, no dreams, just darkness, only darkness.

It is not the soft, comforting darkness of our times in each other’s arms,

 

Those times in the dark of night when we were the only two awake in the world, two alone sharing nights of love and trust, sweetness and heat, but

 

It is a cold and lifeless darkness, the kind that smothers you in ink, sucks the breath from your lungs and crushes your skull with its heaviness.

A paralyzing, frightening darkness that turns your thoughts back in on themselves to deceive and choke you,

A darkness that disguises all the goodness in the world and soaks it in pain and anger.

This is such a terrible place to be … I can’t find my way out…

But I am glad that you have not been sucked into the pit as well,

Because the only thing worse then being here alone would be

Knowing you were here too but hiding from me in the darkness.

 

 

Moon

On By MiCoIn faith, light, love, poetry1 Comment

When no one is watching

the Moon breaks her orbit and drifts between the stars,

Flirting with them as she passes.

She laughs at the seriousness of the sun

but the Son loves her unconditionally and doesn’t mind

her giggles.

And as she passes him by he winks and happily lights her way home with his love.

The Cold Light

On By MiCoIn hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, pain, poetry, sadness, spirit, suffereing, sweetness3 Comments

The early morning silence speaks to my soul.

It calms my heart and lets my mind wander back to a warmer time,

 

A time of love and light. But as the dawn draws near,

The night’s soft callings fade and take my sleepy hope with them.

 

As the horizon brightens, my heart, that was held close in sleep,

Stretches and yawns back to wakefulness.

 

A wakefulness to the reality of losing him again,

And the pain and longing is felt anew.

 

If only night’s magic and sleep’s

Fantasies could survive the cold light of dawn.

He Didn’t Answer

On By MiCoIn god, heartbreak, love, poetry6 Comments

I  heard a bird singing its heart out

this morning,

So I stood beneath the tree

and caught it’s broken heart as it fell.

“Good catch” said God, as he took it from my hands, healed it and

tucked it back in the bird’s breast.

“God, can you do that for me?” I asked,

He didn’t answer…

Maybe he was busy helping the bird and didn’t hear me,

Or maybe he just wasn’t listening.

I’ll Take It From Here

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, love lost, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing6 Comments

I died in my dreams last night.

It wasn’t a scary, tragic death,

No falling off a cliff or

Being hit by a truck,

But a slow, comforting, amber colored death.

A gentle fading away of my sprit and heart.

A last look at a loveless world, and

A sad acceptance of failure and sorrow.

But a small hope remained in my empty heart, a hope that the passage would lead to

Something greater, better and more beautiful.

Some say our dreams reflect our truth,

I feel this one reflects mine.

I have died to the hope of love.

Not the family and friends love that I treasure, but that deep personal love.

A love to share with only him, a once in a lifetime love that is

Physical, spiritual and everlasting.

My heart has been deceived one too many times.

I have given it freely and have had it returned to me broken and unwanted.

My heart was fed just enough to keep it hoping and waiting and loving,

Only to be dealt the final blow of a violated trust and a promise not kept.

Such a simple thing to ask,

But I guess that was too much to hope for.

A friend told me the other night that it was my own fault; I allowed it to happen,

Her words made me feel embarrassed, ashamed that I had

Let him treat me the way he has.

But I think the person doing the mistreating should be the one to be embarrassed and ashamed.

I won’t be made to feel ashamed for trusting him completely and loving him with all my being.  It is the only way I know.

People are always saying to me that “you are right where you are meant to be, God put you there so you could learn and grow.” To that I say, Bullshit!

It is a cruel God who hurts his children,

Who punishes them for loving and trusting. That is not a God I will ever believe in.

But if I am wrong and this is the truth of God’s workings in my life then I guess I should

Thank him for putting me in this place of pain and sorrow, of heartbreak and loss.

You have proved your point, God, and I have learned my lesson well.

You are cruel and not to be trusted.

So I thank you and want you to know that I have learned what you wanted me to know,

But if it’s all the same to you God, don’t do me any favors, I’ll take it from here.

He Owns Me

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry7 Comments

He runs his hands over my body like he owns it,

And he does.

He whispers love and lust in my ear like he owns me,

And he does.

His words wrap my heart in love and joy like they own it,

and they do.

His deception tears my heart out and stomps it into the dirt,

and it hurts.

The sadness he leaves with me will hurt forever whether he meant to or not

and so it will.

He will never be replaced in my heart,

I don’t want him to be.

This love will never end

Because I will not let it.

Hurt, Love and Hate

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry17 Comments

How do I balance the hurt, hate and love

The betrayal of my soul, the disregard for my heart.

I feel like the rock just below the surface of the river water

Just below the air, my lungs ready to burst with want and need,

Just inches above it is clear,

Hope just out of my reach.

I wish wishful thinking could make it true, I wish your heart could beat with mine and

Know the pain you have caused.

I can’t hate you for loving someone else but this

Physical and emotional betrayal was so unexpected, so cold, it is love turned to lies.

I can’t image why you thought it was alright, but I guess you had

No thoughts for anyone but you, only what you wanted, what you needed.

Your tears can’t wash this one away,

They can no longer cleanse the mud from my heart.

You can’t take back your actions and

Your cruel indifference,

You can’t stitch up my heart and hide it back in my chest, where no one will see, no one will know what you’ve done…

Not this time, my heart won’t let you in spite of what I might think or say.

It’s other half is missing.

You took me to your bed last week and made me feel like a queen, like I was the only one,

You went to her bed this week…

I hope you realize that you have destroyed an honest, loving heart

With your dishonesty and practiced indifference.

Indifference is as abusive as a punch in my face would have been

Except that it hurts more.

All of this is so unnecessary, so wrong, so unfair

So much pain, my reward for loving you so much.