I died in my dreams last night.
It wasn’t a scary, tragic death,
No falling off a cliff or
Being hit by a truck,
But a slow, comforting, amber colored death.
A gentle fading away of my sprit and heart.
A last look at a loveless world, and
A sad acceptance of failure and sorrow.
But a small hope remained in my empty heart, a hope that the passage would lead to
Something greater, better and more beautiful.
Some say our dreams reflect our truth,
I feel this one reflects mine.
I have died to the hope of love.
Not the family and friends love that I treasure, but that deep personal love.
A love to share with only him, a once in a lifetime love that is
Physical, spiritual and everlasting.
My heart has been deceived one too many times.
I have given it freely and have had it returned to me broken and unwanted.
My heart was fed just enough to keep it hoping and waiting and loving,
Only to be dealt the final blow of a violated trust and a promise not kept.
Such a simple thing to ask,
But I guess that was too much to hope for.
A friend told me the other night that it was my own fault; I allowed it to happen,
Her words made me feel embarrassed, ashamed that I had
Let him treat me the way he has.
But I think the person doing the mistreating should be the one to be embarrassed and ashamed.
I won’t be made to feel ashamed for trusting him completely and loving him with all my being. It is the only way I know.
People are always saying to me that “you are right where you are meant to be, God put you there so you could learn and grow.” To that I say, Bullshit!
It is a cruel God who hurts his children,
Who punishes them for loving and trusting. That is not a God I will ever believe in.
But if I am wrong and this is the truth of God’s workings in my life then I guess I should
Thank him for putting me in this place of pain and sorrow, of heartbreak and loss.
You have proved your point, God, and I have learned my lesson well.
You are cruel and not to be trusted.
So I thank you and want you to know that I have learned what you wanted me to know,
But if it’s all the same to you God, don’t do me any favors, I’ll take it from here.
6 thoughts on “I’ll Take It From Here”
So hard to comprehend. I’ve heard that these people teach is the most important hardest lessons. But I shake my head and ask for mercy. Xo
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I’ll pray for your happiness dear , sister . Its hard but hope you will be fine, soon. Don’t worry things will turn out right for you.
Thanks, Franz, I hope you are right, just have to find a way to pass the time without thinking of him, I’m not having much success …
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I’ve been there. I know that how painful it is for you like a fresh cut wounds sliced deeply to the bone it’s very hard to heal it needs time and proper medications . In time what remains are the scar tattoed to our skin a painful remainder of the past then we’ll realize that we have lost the best part of ourselves and try to find a new way of living , a fresh start and a new beginning to love again ….this time we’ll know better and we are wiser we can see through the evil intents of the heart of men and we know the reason why the relationship fails so we learn to avoid the same traps again.Just believe in second chances ….by learning to forgive yourself and him you can let go. Love even if it’s painful there is no perfect relationship the best part he’s there beside you willing to change and give himself to you. If not its his loss not yours if he realize that he wants you back then it’s too late you have moved on with the hurts and pain that he hurls at you ………then, he’ll learn to regret what he have done to you and see the best loving person that you are it’s his turn to suffer for life . Such is the realities of life.Love you sister there are lots out here who loves you so much.Peace and light be upon your soul.
Thanks for your concern and lovely, encouraging words, I will be ok, eventually, I love you too my soul sister 🙂
Very strong emotions. But, I loved the essence of it.
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