How do I balance the hurt, hate and love

The betrayal of my soul, the disregard for my heart.

I feel like the rock just below the surface of the river water

Just below the air, my lungs ready to burst with want and need,

Just inches above it is clear,

Hope just out of my reach.

I wish wishful thinking could make it true, I wish your heart could beat with mine and

Know the pain you have caused.

I can’t hate you for loving someone else but this

Physical and emotional betrayal was so unexpected, so cold, it is love turned to lies.

I can’t image why you thought it was alright, but I guess you had

No thoughts for anyone but you, only what you wanted, what you needed.

Your tears can’t wash this one away,

They can no longer cleanse the mud from my heart.

You can’t take back your actions and

Your cruel indifference,

You can’t stitch up my heart and hide it back in my chest, where no one will see, no one will know what you’ve done…

Not this time, my heart won’t let you in spite of what I might think or say.

It’s other half is missing.

You took me to your bed last week and made me feel like a queen, like I was the only one,

You went to her bed this week…

I hope you realize that you have destroyed an honest, loving heart

With your dishonesty and practiced indifference.

Indifference is as abusive as a punch in my face would have been

Except that it hurts more.

All of this is so unnecessary, so wrong, so unfair

So much pain, my reward for loving you so much.