He doesn’t cry for me,
He cries for himself.
The magnitude of the pain he has caused
Makes him uncomfortable.
He can’t believe he is
Capable of such unkindness, it is not his way.
He is not a bad person,
Confused perhaps, but not bad.
He tries to love everyone and
In theory that is a great and noble way to live and so
His aura glows, his eyes speak kindness and
His soul shines through with good intentions.
I think he is capable of all the those good things, they are in his heart,
But he is also a man, just a man.
A man who has had to suffer the injustices of this society,
Who has had to endure heartache, broken dreams and all the other issues life has thrown at him.
He is not immune to pain or mistakes, and
It is unfair to expect him to be.
But being merely “human” does not give anyone license to
Hurt another human being, intentionally or not.
I don’t write these lines to hurt him,
To point out his faults – I have as many.
I write these lines for myself, to try and make sense of this heartbreak
This soul devouring sadness, but as hard as I try …
I cannot hate him; it would be easier if I could.
My love for him is too strong and fills my heart; there is no room there for hate.
But he already knows all of this, he knows what I think, what I feel, who I am
And somehow that makes this hurting worse, precisely because he did know all along…
So, did I expect too much of him? Expect him to be something he’s not, to live up to my standards? I don’t think so.
He is capable of being all that I envision him to be,
All that he wants to be and more,
And that is why I cry for us both.