Lonely hearts,
collecting dust in the corner.
Words left unspoken,
Hanging like dust motes in the sunshine.
Ways left to ways,
Paths un-taken.
A love that was left behind
used, unwanted.
Where can it go?
Is there a place for misplaced love?
A place where it is held
and comforted
I hope so …
This poem is a re-post from a happier time, a time when my illusion of love and trust was still in tact….
Come my love and take my hand, lead me
Through the simmering summer heat
To the dark softness of the
Shaded forest.
Ferns erupt from the
Moss covered earth
And the fragrance of dark soil
Pervades and surrounds my senses
As you surround my heart.
Take me through the woods
Through time and space
to a softer place.
A place to share love, trust and life.
Lay me down among the arms of the stream
Where it welcomes our heated bodies
With its cool, smooth water.
Lie with me and kiss the water from my eyes
As it runs in rivulets over my shoulders and across my body.
Your hands are warm on my body
In contrast to my water-cooled skin.
As we become one from two we
Blend into the flow of the stream
As inseparable as the individual drops
Are from the ripples our bodies make in the water.
Our union of joy becomes as integral a part of nature as the blue sky above
And the gold speckled stream bed beneath us.
The nakedness of our bodies becomes
The nakedness of our souls, nothing hidden, nothing false.
Our hands stay linked together as our passion
Warms the air around us.
Steam rises from our skin as the sun’s rays
Dry our water sprinkled bodies.
The contrast of light and dark plays out between us
And mimics the light of the sky and dark of the shaded forest around us.
Both are beautiful in their simplicity and
Are the complement of one another.
Our passion is unending and all-inclusive
Perfect in its symmetry and balance.
Man and woman, two sides of the same equation
A world in balance – perfect.
The essence of the winter forest
Is human and divine.
Its emptiness is overwhelming
In its fullness.
Its love is sweetened by sorrow
And its sorrow is purified by love.
Its silence is deafening
With voices muted by cold but
The trees are full of love and patience and can
Heal our hearts from hurt and loss if only we will ask.
Yet, most perceive only what they want to see and miss the beauty of the winter forest,
Lift the veil and see the truth,
Can’t you hear it calling?
I have not been mistaken,
It is the real him that I see,
The one behind the addiction.
The addiction is not who he is.
I love the real man and there in is were this intense pain and sadness is coming from.
I thought my pain had been for myself, my disappointment in him and me, how could I, the real me, have loved someone so dishonest, so capable of such deception.
What was wrong with me? Now I realize my sadness and pain is because the man I love does exist beneath the addiction and my tears are for that man, the one trapped in his own sorrow.
I see what is behind all of this, maybe more than he sees himself
And that is why I cry,
It is when my mind is most still that my tears flow the most freely.
They bubble to the surface with ease when my mind is free and calm, the truth shines through, not to be ignored or mistaken for what it is not.
That is why the pain and sadness are so strong; they come from the stillness within me, from the depths of my soul, the place of wordlessness, the place of no mind, the very essence of my Being.
The intensity of this emptiness was overwhelming but now it is filled with love, complete and whole, compassion for self and others and a connection to everything. It is the same connection I have always felt but now it is set to the music of the universal consciousness.
A 4 a.m. awakening – a burst of light in the darkness, finally…
I can’t deny these emotions; to do so would be to bury them in an unhealthy way. They are real; my body says it is so.
They have a right to a place in me, in my being. They are what make me human but not what make me me.
The first step to dealing with them is to know and see
From where they come.
The tide of sorrow flows thorough me, from my head to my toes and oscillates between low and high continuously much like the natural rhythms of the tides and seasons.
My mind’s perception of this flow causes my suffering. Pain in life is inevitable; suffering with it is up to me.
A shift to no thought makes all the difference, my love for him is not a bad thing, something to get rid of, to fight with, to kill off, no, it is a part of me, a valuable part.
My ability to love in spite of all this deception is a strength, not a weakness. I have been consumed with this drowning sadness because my mind viewed this love as a failure, as an obstacle to overcome, as something I was doing wrong, as my fault for trusting, loving, but this love was not and is not a mistake.
Instead it is a testament to the real me, beyond my mind, beneath my mind, deeper than anything my mind can throw at me. My mind cannot deceive me any longer. I will not allow it to. I am the watcher, the observer of this madness.
To love is always good; truly loving not with the mind but with the soul is the essence of goodness and light.
He is a prisoner of himself.
What his soul seeks his mind confounds and that I feel is the essence of my sadness and heartache for him.
I have been confused by why this pain and sorrow is so deep and has such a grip on my soul, but now I understand. While my understanding doesn’t lessen the intensity of the emotion, it does give it a frame and boundary and by my awakening, my mind’s control is removed.
The why is no longer important, the endless scenarios of the past can stop torturing me, the prophecies of a sad and dismal further can be put to rest. The love is not gone, it never will be because it is soul deep and now it has found its place to rest within my heart and my peace has been restored.
I don’t have to stop loving him, I never will, this love is held close to my heart and will be forever. Whether this truth matters to him or not, I may never know.
But as much as my mind would like to know and would like to be with him, the watcher knows better and will hold and comfort my being with a love greater than my mind can ever understand,
And that will make all the difference.
“I never knew just what was wrong with me, until your kiss helped me name it…”
Such a beautiful line and so true, for me.
And now what?
My soul is back in the lost and found – again.
Do you think about it? Do you feel anything?
What manner of love was it or was it love at all? I know it was for me.
And that connection I felt between us, the one so strong
I could feel it in the dark of night from 10 miles away,
You said you felt it too…
Did you really?
All the things you said to me, those loving, lustful wonderful words you whispered in my ear,
Were they all exactly the same words you spoke to all the others?
Was there anything at all about me
That made me even the slightest bit special to you?
And why did you tell me?
You said as soon as you saw me that day you knew you couldn’t lie to me.
Why? What was difference this time?
Anything?
Why did you keep walking or running away, just to come back over and over?
I don’t understand.
I am lost in a dark confusion with a million questions to ask
But I am afraid of you.
I am afraid to know anymore.
I don’t think my heart could take it..
So what do I do, tell me
Poetry Man, tell me.
I was really interested to see this report (my first one), I love blogging, and I especially love all the wonderful people I have met here!! I am happy with my report… even after I look at others who have thousands and thousands of visitors! Really amazing and they deserve it, congrats to all!! so much fun 🙂
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,700 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.
Sad loneliness surrounds me, who will fill my heart
My soul, my body and how will I find him?
I am at home today, spending quite time alone
Watching the winter white fill the forest.
There is a pot of beef and barely soup
Simmering on the stove,
Skies waiting outside the door
And wine chilling in the snow.
This could be a wonderfully sensuous and
Loving day but instead it is tainted by loneliness.
I have no one to share it with,
The man I love and want isn’t who I thought he was,
He is not interested and so I sit at my desk alone
Thinking…
How will I find him again?
Will it be real this time?
I need him to hold me, come ski with me
Share a bowl of fabulous soup and
Sip my wine,
The sweet wine of love for two.
So the afternoon rolls on
The soup perfuming the air and Bach filling my soul with beautiful notes.
If only he would come to fill my heart,
Whoever he is…
How will I know?
Will it be obvious?
Or will I have to analyze
Each moment, each look to be sure and even then,
Will I be able to trust my judgment?
Trust another?
I met a man just the other day, he wanted me, I didn’t want him, he seemed nice,
But then so did the last one.
The last one presented himself to be just what I was looking for,
Kind, honest, loving, spiritual, he must have read my mind and adjusted his words to fit.
I don’t know how to get my faith back. My trusting nature
Was stolen, taken when I wasn’t looking.
The taking was so wrong and so complete that
I will never be the same again.
Maybe being not the same is a good thing,
Maybe it will keep me from being taken again.
But I kind of liked the old me, the one I was before.
The one who loved and trusted easily, the one who wore her heart on her sleeve.
I had been alone for a long time when I met him.
I thought it would be hard to let go and love again, but he made it so easy, I wish it had been harder.
Maybe some day my tears will stop. But for now they come at the drop of a hat and are
Always just below the surface.
Do I cry for me,
Or for him?
I no longer can tell the difference, but I know that my confusion is foolish and pointless,
He doesn’t care who I cry for, he is happy now.
He says the worst thing that could happen to him has happened
And he has realized now that it was the best thing that could have happened to him.
So once again, it is all about him,
She and I and all the others were put in his life for his benefit
While he used us and now while he says he is trying to change.
What about the pain he has caused, what about an “I’m sorry”
There is no sorry, he says he has a “disease”, so just like an alcoholic,
He has yet another excuse for his behavior. An excuse
For his raping of my spirit, for his destroying of my trust in myself and others,
For his taking what he wanted under false pretenses.
I am tired; tired of hearing myself talk,
Tired of my constant thinking about him,
Tired of talking to myself, dreaming of him, waking up each morning with him in my heart with his music running through my head.
My friends and family are tired of hearing about it too,
I don’t blame them; I bore myself but I cannot hide and deny my feelings.
My heart will not be pushed aside,
She will not be ignored and she will not rest
Until the passage of time erases his smile and touch
From my soul.
Winter Trees, communing through my living room window, 12/24/15
While I am taking a break from blogging and facebooking, etc. just for the next few days to give my full attention to my family and the other loved ones in my life at this most joyful time of year, I needed and wanted to wish each and every one of my many followers the very merriest of holy days, whatever your beliefs may be, now and in the new year to come.
So, my very best to each and every one of you and all your loved ones and yes, even to you, the one I have called the Predator because in spite of myself, or maybe because of my true self, I love you.
Merry Krishna-Christ-mass ! 🙂
A wind is coming.
I hear it in the trees,
I feel it in air,
I see it in the clouds.
It signals a change,
A departure from the norm.
A new wind, a new time.
A time to rest in His love,
A time to accept what is,
To forget what might have been.
The wind arrives and blows through my soul
And cleanses it but even its power cannot free my heart.
My heart is unresponsive and cold,
Only I have the power to change it, or at least I pretend to.
If only I truly did have that power,
My life would be so much happier.
I could choose to love who would be the best for me.
I could deny this love that won’t leave me alone and toss it out.
If only it were that simple
If only…
heartwordsforpoetry 