Whoever He Is

Sad loneliness surrounds me, who will fill my heart

My soul, my body and how will I find him?

 

I am at home today, spending quite time alone

Watching the winter white fill the forest.

 

There is a pot of beef and barely soup

Simmering on the stove,

 

Skies waiting outside the door

And wine chilling in the snow.

 

This could be a wonderfully sensuous and

Loving day but instead it is tainted by loneliness.

 

I have no one to share it with,

The man I love and want isn’t who I thought he was,

 

He is not interested and so I sit at my desk alone

Thinking…

 

How will I find him again?

Will it be real this time?

 

I need him to hold me, come ski with me

Share a bowl of fabulous soup and

 

Sip my wine,

The sweet wine of love for two.

 

So the afternoon rolls on

The soup perfuming the air and Bach filling my soul with beautiful notes.

 

If only he would come to fill my heart,

Whoever he is…

9 thoughts on “Whoever He Is

  1. It takes longer to recover and heal from a narcissistic relationship, than from a usual “normal” breakup because they raped your soul and got deep inside your mind. They have a way of programming memories into you that are intentionally burned into your brain, because they want you to remember them and suffer long after they leave.
    I can feel your pain and I am sorrowful that you were stripped of your heart and intruded into your soul.
    You have a resilient and authentic spirit. Your heart will slowly heal and you will eventually be stronger than you were before.
    I am sending you love and healing,
    Annie💕💕💜💜🌷🌷🌷🌷🌺🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much for your beautiful words and understanding. you are so right…. thank you also for your love and healing wishes, I know things will get better someday but for now….

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  2. Michelle..I’ve been feeling exactly this way for a couple of days. Especially when I’m alone. I just want to find him now. I know it’s not the one I loved so painfully. Most of the time I’m clear on who he is, thankfully, now. But still, I have those moments I wish I could talk to him. Usually, I run the conversation through my mind to all possible outcomes, none of them are good, I let them all go. It’s still hard, but it’s getting easier. Big hugs…xo

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    1. I know, I picture him, the one I love, but the warmth is gone, replaced with lies and hurt so… I have a man in my mind to love who doesn’t exist…. but I will keep looking just not right now. all I can see is his smile and my heart melts, so pathetic I am almost embarrassed to talk about it any more… love you Deb.

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      1. Why be embarrassed? I think connection is why we are here. I think everyone is hard-wired to seek connection. We thought we were, we were wrong, but I am sure there is someone out there who wants to be connected to us in a real way. Have a happy New Year, Michelle. I’m sure all good things are out there, waiting for us. Let the past slip away as the ball drops. xo

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      2. I guess I’m embarrassed because I can’t stop thinking about him or writing about him, etc. kind of feel like I’m back in high school and I’m 61! but it is what it is and I can’t deny my feelings or heart, have to be true to me. I’m sure there is someone out there who is not a liar and a cheat, maybe someday we will meet. I like your advice, let the past slip away as the ball drops, I will try to do so. talk to you soon, love you. M.

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      3. I think writing and thinking about it is how we find a place for what happened in our psyches, so that we can at some point move on. I mean… look at me it was almost 4 months ago that the break took place and I still write about it. Because that’s how deep my love was for him, and yours for Rodney. It takes time to let it settle into a place where we are comfortable with it in our past. I have stopped asking questions about him, because I know he is just damaged goods that didn’t know any better. At least, not on a level that he could act upon it. I actually think that the good was good….it’s just that it didn’t mean a commitment to them, it just was true for the moment with us, true for the moment with the others. That’s the hard part, I think, knowing that while they were exclusive to us, we were not to them. But it’s their flaw to deal with now. There will be some amazing man coming into your life. I’m sure of it. Keep believing. xoxo.

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  3. It will get better, can’t believe I’m saying it will, but we must believe it will. And while we wait for it to do so let’s take care of ourselves, all of ourselves. I look forward to reading more of the magic you create with words. Love, love your work. Happy New Year!!

    Liked by 1 person

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