“I never knew just what was wrong with me, until your kiss helped me name it…”
Such a beautiful line and so true, for me.
And now what?
My soul is back in the lost and found – again.
Do you think about it? Do you feel anything?
What manner of love was it or was it love at all? I know it was for me.
And that connection I felt between us, the one so strong
I could feel it in the dark of night from 10 miles away,
You said you felt it too…
Did you really?
All the things you said to me, those loving, lustful wonderful words you whispered in my ear,
Were they all exactly the same words you spoke to all the others?
Was there anything at all about me
That made me even the slightest bit special to you?
And why did you tell me?
You said as soon as you saw me that day you knew you couldn’t lie to me.
Why? What was difference this time?
Anything?
Why did you keep walking or running away, just to come back over and over?
I don’t understand.
I am lost in a dark confusion with a million questions to ask
But I am afraid of you.
I am afraid to know anymore.
I don’t think my heart could take it..
So what do I do, tell me
Poetry Man, tell me.
heartwordsforpoetry 
Love, euphoric bliss, painfully withdrawn or dead, but never mundane.
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A million questions remain unanswered, don’t they? I don’t know why, but I stopped asking, and stopped wondering. I know what it was to me was real. He always thought he had two separate relationships, one with me, one with her and that they had nothing to do with each other. The only flaw in his thinking was that he didn’t bother to pay attention to the fact that neither of us wanted a man who had a relationship with someone else. Rodney was a lot like Scott I think. Scott once told me that those things “just happen”. I looked at him in disbelief, and said, you don’t just find yourself naked with someone….at some point you decide this is what you’re going to do.” (That was long ago, and I think he was trying to justify at the time, why he cheated on his gf with her best friend. Which I didn’t know about at the time.)
I just don’t think there will ever be any good answers from a narcissist. Never any closure that makes sense. I’ve let it go, as an experience I had, with a man who was emotionally stunted at about the age of 14. Whatever. I know there are bigger and better things ahead for me, and for you.
Until you know that too, write away!!! Your writing is beautiful! xo
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I just realized I wrote a post the other day asking these questions. Why we can never be friends. I think it’s the same sentiment, just wanted you to know you are not alone…..
http://learningtolivelikewaterblog.com/2015/12/29/why-we-can-never-be-friends/
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I did read your post, it was great and it is good to not be alone, so I’m not completely crazy… I wish I could get more answers but I just can’t see or talk to him, I know I would crumble, it is hard enough to look at his pictures… I should stop but I can’t… love you Deb, have a happy new year. I’ll be home, have four of the grandkids spending the night! Should be fun! 🙂
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That’s awesome. I talked to Scott after the original breakup right up to the moment I found out the whole truth, and let me say it never came to any good end. It always made things worse. So…my advice is to do what you’re doing and don’t talk to him. Or see him. (I did that once, it was unbelievably horrible) have a great time with the grandkids!!! Love you too. Xo
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That part about him saying that he could never lie to you, early in the relationship…I think that is a typical tactic. The same happened to me.
http://gentlementalannie.com/2015/12/31/mask/
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I can so relate to these words. Beautifully written.
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Thank you for reading and thank you for your comment… much peace to you, Michelle
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Intense and mysterious.
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