The poetry of my heart
Follows the song of my soul.
The heartache drowns me as
The sorrow completes me.
I must hold it close,
Protect it from those who would cheapen it.
From those who don’t believe
It could have been.
It should have been.
2/2/15
Category: darkness
In or Out of Time
Transient whispers in the night,
Loves softness is given in kisses.
Bodies connected by touch and heat,
Hearts untied in space and now.
Time stands still and holds us there with it and
Darkness and light exist together in our hearts and minds.
Our souls intermingle in beauty and
Sadness.
Sadness for the perceived separateness and beauty at the knowing
That there is no separateness in space or time.
I need to find you again, in or out of time.
I want to hold you, but where have you gone?
Will you wait for me there?
Do you exist in one other than God?
Do any of us?
Be Dissolved In The Liquid Son
Imposters by fate but still
Miracles at birth.
Holed up in falsities
Missing the point.
Unsettled souls reap only what
They sow, no gifts are given or received.
No promises kept, no dreams fulfilled.
Maybe next time, but next time never comes.
It is the same ending, over and over and over.
A sadness steeped in familiarity,
Seduction for its own sake
The only prize.
It is a shallow, stagnate prize
But the only reward there is.
It is time to break this spell of soullessness and
Open to the pain of your deluded being.
Absorb it, take it in and by doing so defuse
Its dark energy.
Deny its claim on you,
Step away from its hold and
Watch, watch as it shrinks
And fades.
Watch it be consumed by the light,
And dissolved in the liquid love of the Son.
Watch it be taken from you
To hurt you no more.
Awaken and feel the light and goodness
Of who God made you to be.
It is there, already in you, see it for yourself
And when you do…
There will be darkness no more.
God’s Space
The night sky displays
A sea of stars that are
Lights to my soul,
Pinpoints of hope in the darkness.
It is a sweet darkness,
A still darkness, in the arms of God.
He is holding his creation close to his heart but
Giving it space to grow and spread its promise of love’s light.
The confluence of channels of prayer, the gathering of oms has the power to
Open the sails of change.
Sails that steer ships with hulls full of enlightened souls
Through the darkness of God’s space
Populating the emptiness between the stars
And the heart of the Creator.
It is though us that His word becomes
And His darkness is empty no more.
Dreams
The dreams, they come and they go
Realized and not.
Fantasy and fulfillment,
Mine and his.
Which are which?
Mine overlap each other.
The night time not their only province.
They wake me and hold me
Sometimes up, sometimes down.
His hands can hold both ways.
Too much importance in
Misdirected feelings.
The sounds replete with endings,
The beginnings done in silence.
Masks of unreality, his and mine but
No one knows but me.
All the tales have been told,
The smashing is all done.
Vibrations are all that are left
But like a tuning fork
Will they cause the other to answer?
The Now of a Heartbeat
The darkness in the depth of my tea mug
Is as vast as the universe.
Its emptiness the very thing
That makes it useful.
But depth is relative,
My cup can be as deep as the ocean and
The universe as shallow
As a thimble.
The night sky calls to me
To come and explore the spaces between.
But they are all the same, the spaces between you and me
Hate and love, all and nothing – no space and only space.
We are made of space and little else so my being can hold this limitless space
And my body the universe just as
Infinity exists in the now of a heartbeat
And forever is defined in the bloom of the milkweed
Soft Sadness
The silence of midnight
The silence of wanting.
Dark time, soft
With sadness.
A scent, a look, a memory,
Almost enough.
I long for that touch
That voice, that look.
It fills the night, turns the silence of longing
Into loving and giving.
The soft sadness replaced with his touch
His hand to hold.
His kiss to make mine
A light in the darkness but
Never to keep.
Originally posted February, 2015
Haiku 2-16-16 pm
The ticking clock tells me why
Time flows now to now
Seconds move through space alone
3:00 am, Blurry Eyed, Movie Watching, Can’t Sleep, Heart Ramblings.
I’m watching a wonderful movie, one I have seen many times but
not for a long time. “Pretty Woman” so incredibly romantic and sweet but misleading, a modern continuation of the fairytale. Impossible and at the same time – beautiful.
I grew up believing that love and romance could really be like it is in the movies,
That out there somewhere I would find a man who would love me unconditionally. But more importantly, one who would not only love me but like me… want me to be happy, want me, period.
Maybe I tried too hard, maybe I shouldn’t have put him and his needs and wants before mine,
Maybe, maybe, maybe…. I’m tired of trying to figure it all out, tired of feeling not good enough,
not good enough for him, whoever that him may be and then, after all is said and done, hear from other people how highly he thinks of me. Why haven’t any of them treated me that way, why wait until I am gone to say it.
I can’t believe I’m crying over “Pretty Woman” but I am.
What does that mean….
I’m 61 years old, I’m not an idealistic girl, I know what and how life is.
It is hard, people are people, hearts are hearts, pain and love is pain and love… but why, why does it all have to be so hard, why can’t I find one who can share the dream, not perfect but deep, love at its best, when it matters most.
Love like that is almost sad it is so deep, so close to not being, so strong and overwhelming to be uncomfortable, uncomfortable because it is so precarious, so fleeting, so impermanent but eternal at the same time. We spend so much time on the wrong things, the job, car, house, status, impressing people to get where we want to be. But I don’t care about any of that…
I just want to be in his arms, his, the one who is capable of loving.
I so want to hold him, to wrap myself around him, feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine, his soul release into my body, his life essence mingle with mine, is it so much to ask for, too much for him to handle, I know… I need to go back to bed . Too much for me to handle right now too….
Pretty woman is waiting for her knight on the white horse.
I told him what he could do with his horse, but I was wrong, he never had one, ever …
Inner Stillness in Predawn Darkness
There is inner stillness in the predawn darkness as
The forest begins to stir around me.
They seem to notice my presence
“Someone is among us”, they mummer.
As I sit in silence and wait,
The Eastern sky begins to lighten and
The earth responds with movement,
Air movement, a stirring, ever so slight and gentle,
More sensed than felt.
I continue to sit in silence and wait.
At last I can feel them coming closer, one by one.
Not in outer distance but in inner peace.
As they circle me I can feel them saying “Welcome,
We were wondering when you would come”.
“We are drawing closer to protect you,
We sense your weakness; we give you our collective strength.
Take us as we are as we you, you must know by now that
Your heart is not alone here and never has been”.
They bring such wisdom in their silence.
Such kindness without motion or audible voice
But a voice nonetheless, a voice that is felt with the soul
Not heard with the ears.
A voice that is eons old, no, older than that:
A voice that has existed since the beginning of time.
Since the time before manifestation.
Their voice speaks to me in the sweet darkness of the woods
Telling me a tale of love, acceptance and kindness,
A story of life, of the essences of loss, the pain of suffering
The agony of misunderstanding, of mind induced perceptions and
Selfish longings and needs.
But there is sympathy and empathy in this voice too because they know the pain,
They have felt the suffering, tasted the tears and watched their own hearts melt with disappointment.
The agony of loss is no stranger to their collective heart, so they truly understand my
State of mind today and give me comfort and love in a way only they can.
They know how I miss he who passed through the veil, they know him and he them. They are one together and it is his presence they allow me to feel here in this mourning morning softness.
The trees are my saviors; they surround me with their gentle strength and hold me in their arms
In the hardest of times, they understand without judgment, they feel my heart beat with theirs
As they stand together – silent sentinels of everlasting light and hope in
Noble silence and truth.
I am renewed by their strength, honored by their kindness and
Forever grateful for their love.
2/1/16
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