Category: light

Nostalgia

On By MiCoIn changes, childhood, courage, faith, family, hope, light, love, past times, poetry6 Comments

Nostalgia, longing,

Is that what they call that slow, sad ache in my chest?

 

I get it when I think of my distant past,

My childhood, those days of security and family.

 

Parents who took care of everything, a father who was

Always there and the most honest man I have ever known.

 

The nostalgic pain is refreshed when I go on line and look at

Pictures of the town I grew up in and the memories they bring.

 

Today I am sitting in my writing desk listening to an infomercial on the tv in the other room.

It is an ad for recordings of love songs of the last 50 years, the nostalgic ache is as great as the music is beautiful.

 

A Time/Life collection of love songs from the past a few of which are:  “At Last” by Etta James, “Stardust” by Nat King Cole, “Chances Are” by Jonny Mathis, and one of my very favorites “What a Beautiful World” by Louis Armstrong.  Where have all the good love songs gone?

Are they gone because love isn’t the same today as it was then?  Is it because sex means nothing more than a bodily function to most people? Are people really that difference now than they were in the recent past, or do they just not know any better?

Have we changed so much that love and sex are not personal or important anymore?  I hope not although that is the way it seems more and more.

But I refuse to believe it even though I have loved and surrendered myself, all of me in truth to three men in my life and have been used and left behind by each of them.

Did I expect too much, expect them to be more than they are capable of? And was the past really so much better or have I painted it with unrealistic and romanticized memories based on songs?  I don’t know, maybe.

But I remember my dad dancing with my mom in the living room, and I remember him telling me that there was no greater job to be done in this world than the one my mother did taking care of us and our home.

He lived and treated us and everyone in his life with respect and love.  My ideas on how things should be are greatly influenced by him, and for that I am thankful.

Maybe it is because of him that my disappointments of the past and the most recent one have so deeply affected me, my dad is a hard act to follow.

But on the other hand it is because of the things he taught me that I will try to keep my heart open in the hope that maybe somewhere out there is a man who remembers the old love songs and what they really meant.
A man who is open to love and trust, understanding and compassion.  I’m sure he exists; I just don’t know where to find him.

 

In Honor of Small Things

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, changes, earth, faith, god, light, love, love poetry, nature, peace, poetry, spirit, sweetness, thanks, Zen4 Comments

“The Great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for” Eckhart Tolle  A New Earth

 

Such wisdom in so few words.

But what is the Great if not a compilation of the small.

 

Nothing is too small to be part of the one,

The Great unmainfested, is manifested in everything, including the small, especially the small.

 

It is through the ordinary manifestation of the One that it’s true

Heart and meaning is able to shine through.

 

Honor all “things” as part of the creator

Made touchable, reachable, real.

 

Ceremonies and traditions, ways of honoring the small things, act

As symbols and representations of caring for the One, the One all pervasive energy, the Creator.

 

Everywhere I look I see evidence of that truth.

When I open my eyes each morning, I acknowledge and honor the new day.

 

A new beginning with each sunrise, with each chime of the cuckoo clock

As the fresh born light angles across my bed and bedroom walls.

 

My breakfast food of sweet potatoes and spinach

Lies in splendor on the golden yellow dish,

 

The lightly colored beautiful orange sweet potatoes shine

In stark contrast to the dark green warmth of the spinach.

 

They are contrasts in wholeness, beautiful small things to be honored and appreciated.

As is the tea steaming in my tea mug which shares the mug’s space and honors its useful emptiness, tea honoring mug honoring tea.

 

The shower water’s warmth and the soap’s scent of softness and peace

Honor my body and I honor their usefulness and dedication to service without selfishness.

 

And with each step and in each and every place I go throughout the day

I try to take the time, maybe only a second or two, to notice and honor the small things.

 

After all, I am a small thing too.

A New Life (a continuance of my post “Now” as I continue to grow, change and understand):

On By MiCoIn changes, courage, faith, fear, god, growing, hope, light, love, poetry, spiritLeave a comment

“What a liberation to realize that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.” Eckhart Tolle

 

It is liberation, a true freedom from me,

Not freedom from the real me, of course, but from the one my Being watches.

 

My ego and mind work together to mostly cause me trouble.

They thrive on the pain and disappointment in life and are always looking to bring more.

 

The drag me down, make my body hurt, and

Make me reactive instead of responsive.

 

It is not only freeing to know that I am not that voice in my head

But is also guilt removing, it enables me to forgive myself.

 

For as Christ said on the cross, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”

But this isn’t to say that to hurt others and lash out in anger is ever ok.

 

It doesn’t mean that we can do or say whatever we want and then

Justify it by saying it wasn’t me speaking, it was my crazy mind and obsessive ego.

 

The above is especially true when one has gotten to the point of acceptance of the truth.

The truth of the true Being that is me, the one who watches.

 

Once that acceptance and truth is known and truly felt with one’s entire being, there is no going back. So now, when the ego and mind get the upper hand,

 

It is my responsibility to rein them in, keep them in check, watch them carefully and not allow them to take me over,

 

For not to do so would not only be a disservice to others but also a betrayal of myself.

Star Soul

On By MiCoIn dreams, earth, hope, light, love, nature, peace, poetry, seasons, spirit, sweetness, Zen13 Comments

Star shine drips from the night sky and runs along the naked winter tree branches like syrup

Leaving iridescent trails of silver to wrap around the rough barked trunks.

 

The sliver shine lights my way

As it spills star souls on the forest floor and

 

While I follow the star trails, eons pass in an instant and eternity sleeps

In the soft warm glow of acceptance and starlight.

 

The cold surrounds my soul and heart in these winter depths and

Dense air adds clarity to my vision as I walk the trials of the stars.

 

These star trails take me to a different place, a place at once new and ancient,

A place to observe all in silence while cloaked in the winter wood.

 

I see mosses hold their breath in the glow of the star-flow and hear them whispering their secrets to a silent waiting cosmos while holding tightly to the trunks of the trees.

 

Late geese fly across the moon, their cries urgent in the night sky

Confused by the uncommon shimmering silver ground below.

 

I am not alone in this realm of silver winter as

The forest is full of the souls and spirits of summer’s love.

 

I feel them all around me, darting in and out of tree shadows,

Stopping to watch me from behind drifts of truth and light.

 

The discarded autumn leaves warm the soil beneath the drifts

And life waits in patient stillness.

 

My mind becomes as still as the waiting life as I travel the empty space between the stars reflected in snow’s white depth.

 

There is no urgency in me or in this place

Only the beauty and silence of peace and star light.

 

The winter forest is a secret,

A complete world in and of itself hiding in plain sight.

 

Its silence a decoy to protect its love lying safe and secure underground.

Go to the forest; breathe in the silent dripping starshine,

 

Follow the starlight as it traces the outline your soul.

Blend with the magic of the forest as

 

It is only there under the canopy of eternity that you can become as silent and still

As the dense crisp air surrounding you and once again, as in the beginning,

 

Go home to that place within that holds you in the soft silver glow of now and

Within  that silent place returns you to wholeness.

 

The soul of the winter forest knows and understands you.

She waits for your return.

 

 

Now

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, changes, dreams, faith, fear, god, growing, heartbreak, hope, light, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, peace, poetry, sadness, spirit, suffereing12 Comments

I was at the bottom with

No end in sight.

 

Mind numbing pain and sorrow

Blocked my vision and stopped my breath

 

But then, from a soul sister, in the silence of despair

Came a glimmering of hope,

 

A way to stop my ego, to

Reign in my mind.

 

She brought wise words of knowing,

A knowing and watching, a feeling and seeing.

 

And as I accepted that seeing and knowing, the thoughts began to drop away

One by one like autumn leaves.

 

There came an absence of words,

A deep stilling of my soul.

 

Finally a way to be, just be, the only way,

But not quite a total release as I was yet too weak, too exhausted from my struggle.

 

Parts of my ego and anger still held on, their grip

Like tentacles wrapped around my heart.

 

I wanted to let go, I thought that maybe the “wanting” was in the way,

But I accepted that soon even the wanting would be of no consequence, it would drop away on its own and

 

The anger would stop sneaking up on me,

Grabbing me from behind when I least expected it.

 

I know now that my ego and willful mind will not

Let go without a fight.

 

A fight to remain in charge, to perpetuate their control

And continue deluded behavior.

 

But I have changed, grown, and can now watch them from a safe distance and

At times even smile at their antics,

 

But I grow tired of their stubbornness, their uncooperative nature, their disdain for what is best for me.

 

They do not have my best interest at heart.

They have no heart.

 

Those two are not who I am and when I am finally in tune to the being that is my true self,

All else will naturally fall away and I won’t have to “deal” with either of them,

 

Nothing else will exists but the Now and

There I will happily stay.

 

Come My Love and Take My Hand

On By MiCoIn earth, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, peace, poetry, sex, sweetness7 Comments

This poem is a re-post from a happier time,  a time when my illusion of love and trust was still in tact….

 

Come my love and take my hand, lead me

Through the simmering summer heat

 

To the dark softness of the

Shaded forest.

 

Ferns erupt from the

Moss covered earth

 

And the fragrance of dark soil

Pervades and surrounds my senses

 

As you surround my heart.

Take me through the woods

 

Through time and space

to a softer place.

 

A place to share love, trust and life.

Lay me down among the arms of the stream

 

Where it welcomes our heated bodies

With its cool, smooth water.

 

Lie with me and kiss the water from my eyes

As it runs in rivulets over my shoulders and across my body.

 

Your hands are warm on my body

In contrast to my water-cooled skin.

 

As we become one from two we

Blend into the flow of the stream

 

As inseparable as the individual drops

Are from the ripples our bodies make in the water.

 

Our union of joy becomes as integral a part of nature as the blue sky above

And the gold speckled stream bed beneath us.

 

The nakedness of our bodies becomes

The nakedness of our souls, nothing hidden, nothing false.

 

Our hands stay linked together as our passion

Warms the air around us.

 

Steam rises from our skin as the sun’s rays

Dry our water sprinkled bodies.

 

The contrast of light and dark plays out between us

And mimics the light of the sky and dark of the shaded forest around us.

 

Both are beautiful in their simplicity and

Are the complement of one another.

 

Our passion is unending and all-inclusive

Perfect in its symmetry and balance.

 

Man and woman,  two sides of the same equation

A world in balance – perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

Winter Forest

On By MiCoIn dreams, earth, faith, light, love lost, nature, poetry, seasons, spirit, sweetness, Zen8 Comments

The essence of the winter forest

Is human and divine.

 

Its emptiness is overwhelming

In its fullness.

 

Its love is sweetened by sorrow

And its sorrow is purified by love.

 

Its silence is deafening

With voices muted by cold but

 

The trees are full of love and patience and can

Heal our hearts from hurt and loss if only we will ask.

 

Yet, most perceive only what they want to see and miss the beauty of the winter forest,

Lift the veil and see the truth,

 

Can’t  you hear it calling?

 

A 4 a.m. awakening – a burst of light in the darkness, finally…

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, darkness, family, god, growing, heartbreak, hope, light, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, peace, poetry, sadness, spirit, suffereing, sweetnessLeave a comment

I have not been mistaken,

It is the real him that I see,

 

The one behind the addiction.

The addiction is not who he is.

 

I love the real man and there in is were this intense pain and sadness is coming from.

I thought my pain had been for myself, my disappointment in him and me, how could I, the real me, have loved someone so dishonest, so capable of such deception.

 

What was wrong with me?   Now I realize my sadness and pain is because the man I love does exist beneath the addiction and my tears are for that man, the one trapped in his own sorrow.

 

I see what is behind all of this, maybe more than he sees himself

And that is why I cry,

 

It is when my mind is most still that my tears flow the most freely.

They bubble to the surface with ease when my mind is free and calm, the truth shines through, not to be ignored or mistaken for what it is not.

 

That is why the pain and sadness are so strong; they come from the stillness within me, from the depths of my soul, the place of wordlessness, the place of no mind, the very essence of my Being.

 

The intensity of this emptiness was overwhelming but now it is filled with love, complete and whole, compassion for self and others and a connection to everything. It is the same connection I have always felt but now it is set to the music of the universal consciousness.

 

A 4 a.m. awakening – a burst of light in the darkness, finally…

 

I can’t deny these emotions; to do so would be to bury them in an unhealthy way. They are real; my body says it is so.

 

They have a right to a place in me, in my being. They are what make me human but not what make me me.

 

The first step to dealing with them is to know and see

From where they come.

 

The tide of sorrow flows thorough me, from my head to my toes and oscillates between low and high continuously much like the natural rhythms of the tides and seasons.

 

My mind’s perception of this flow causes my suffering. Pain in life is inevitable; suffering with it is up to me.

 

A shift to no thought makes all the difference, my love for him is not a bad thing, something to get rid of, to fight with, to kill off, no, it is a part of me, a valuable part.

 

My ability to love in spite of all this deception is a strength, not a weakness. I have been consumed with this drowning sadness because my mind viewed this love as a failure, as an obstacle to overcome, as something I was doing wrong, as my fault for trusting, loving, but this love was not and is not a mistake.

 

Instead it is a testament to the real me, beyond my mind, beneath my mind, deeper than anything my mind can throw at me. My mind cannot deceive me any longer. I will not allow it to. I am the watcher, the observer of this madness.

 

To love is always good; truly loving not with the mind but with the soul is the essence of goodness and light.

 

He is a prisoner of himself.

What his soul seeks his mind confounds and that I feel is the essence of my sadness and heartache for him.

 

I have been confused by why this pain and sorrow is so deep and has such a grip on my soul, but now I understand. While my understanding doesn’t lessen the intensity of the emotion, it does give it a frame and boundary and by my awakening, my mind’s control is removed.

 

The why is no longer important, the endless scenarios of the past can stop torturing me, the prophecies of a sad and dismal further can be put to rest. The love is not gone, it never will be because it is soul deep and now it has found its place to rest within my heart and my peace has been restored.

 

I don’t have to stop loving him, I never will, this love is held close to my heart and will be forever.   Whether this truth matters to him or not, I may never know.

 

But as much as my mind would like to know and would like to be with him, the watcher knows better and will hold and comfort my being with a love greater than my mind can ever understand,

 

And that will make all the difference.

Whoever He Is

On By MiCoIn changes, courage, dreams, faith, hope, light, love, love poetry, poetry, sadness, spirit, sweetness, symphony, Zen9 Comments

Sad loneliness surrounds me, who will fill my heart

My soul, my body and how will I find him?

 

I am at home today, spending quite time alone

Watching the winter white fill the forest.

 

There is a pot of beef and barely soup

Simmering on the stove,

 

Skies waiting outside the door

And wine chilling in the snow.

 

This could be a wonderfully sensuous and

Loving day but instead it is tainted by loneliness.

 

I have no one to share it with,

The man I love and want isn’t who I thought he was,

 

He is not interested and so I sit at my desk alone

Thinking…

 

How will I find him again?

Will it be real this time?

 

I need him to hold me, come ski with me

Share a bowl of fabulous soup and

 

Sip my wine,

The sweet wine of love for two.

 

So the afternoon rolls on

The soup perfuming the air and Bach filling my soul with beautiful notes.

 

If only he would come to fill my heart,

Whoever he is…

Winter Trees

On By MiCoIn faith, family, god, hope, light, love, love poetry, poetry, seasons, spirit18 Comments

 

Winter Trees

 

Winter Trees, communing through my living room window, 12/24/15

While I am taking a break from blogging and facebooking, etc. just for the next few days to give my full attention to my family and the other loved ones in my life at this most joyful time of year,  I needed and wanted to wish each and every one of my many followers the very merriest of holy days, whatever your beliefs may be, now and in the new year to come.

So, my very best to each and every one of you and all your loved ones and yes, even to you, the one I have called the Predator because in spite of myself, or maybe because of my true self, I love you.

Merry Krishna-Christ-mass ! 🙂