Category: heartbreak

I’ll Take It From Here

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, love lost, pain, poetry, sadness, suffereing6 Comments

I died in my dreams last night.

It wasn’t a scary, tragic death,

No falling off a cliff or

Being hit by a truck,

But a slow, comforting, amber colored death.

A gentle fading away of my sprit and heart.

A last look at a loveless world, and

A sad acceptance of failure and sorrow.

But a small hope remained in my empty heart, a hope that the passage would lead to

Something greater, better and more beautiful.

Some say our dreams reflect our truth,

I feel this one reflects mine.

I have died to the hope of love.

Not the family and friends love that I treasure, but that deep personal love.

A love to share with only him, a once in a lifetime love that is

Physical, spiritual and everlasting.

My heart has been deceived one too many times.

I have given it freely and have had it returned to me broken and unwanted.

My heart was fed just enough to keep it hoping and waiting and loving,

Only to be dealt the final blow of a violated trust and a promise not kept.

Such a simple thing to ask,

But I guess that was too much to hope for.

A friend told me the other night that it was my own fault; I allowed it to happen,

Her words made me feel embarrassed, ashamed that I had

Let him treat me the way he has.

But I think the person doing the mistreating should be the one to be embarrassed and ashamed.

I won’t be made to feel ashamed for trusting him completely and loving him with all my being.  It is the only way I know.

People are always saying to me that “you are right where you are meant to be, God put you there so you could learn and grow.” To that I say, Bullshit!

It is a cruel God who hurts his children,

Who punishes them for loving and trusting. That is not a God I will ever believe in.

But if I am wrong and this is the truth of God’s workings in my life then I guess I should

Thank him for putting me in this place of pain and sorrow, of heartbreak and loss.

You have proved your point, God, and I have learned my lesson well.

You are cruel and not to be trusted.

So I thank you and want you to know that I have learned what you wanted me to know,

But if it’s all the same to you God, don’t do me any favors, I’ll take it from here.

He Owns Me

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry7 Comments

He runs his hands over my body like he owns it,

And he does.

He whispers love and lust in my ear like he owns me,

And he does.

His words wrap my heart in love and joy like they own it,

and they do.

His deception tears my heart out and stomps it into the dirt,

and it hurts.

The sadness he leaves with me will hurt forever whether he meant to or not

and so it will.

He will never be replaced in my heart,

I don’t want him to be.

This love will never end

Because I will not let it.

Hurt, Love and Hate

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry17 Comments

How do I balance the hurt, hate and love

The betrayal of my soul, the disregard for my heart.

I feel like the rock just below the surface of the river water

Just below the air, my lungs ready to burst with want and need,

Just inches above it is clear,

Hope just out of my reach.

I wish wishful thinking could make it true, I wish your heart could beat with mine and

Know the pain you have caused.

I can’t hate you for loving someone else but this

Physical and emotional betrayal was so unexpected, so cold, it is love turned to lies.

I can’t image why you thought it was alright, but I guess you had

No thoughts for anyone but you, only what you wanted, what you needed.

Your tears can’t wash this one away,

They can no longer cleanse the mud from my heart.

You can’t take back your actions and

Your cruel indifference,

You can’t stitch up my heart and hide it back in my chest, where no one will see, no one will know what you’ve done…

Not this time, my heart won’t let you in spite of what I might think or say.

It’s other half is missing.

You took me to your bed last week and made me feel like a queen, like I was the only one,

You went to her bed this week…

I hope you realize that you have destroyed an honest, loving heart

With your dishonesty and practiced indifference.

Indifference is as abusive as a punch in my face would have been

Except that it hurts more.

All of this is so unnecessary, so wrong, so unfair

So much pain, my reward for loving you so much.

Haiku 4 poems

On By MiCoIn autumn, changes, courage, darkness, fairs, faith, family, fear, Haiku, heartbreak, hope, love, nature, poetry, seasonsLeave a comment

Uncommon fair time again

All natural and good

Wholesomeness is its hallmark

Break

I expect so little now

Is it still to much?

Let go, watch me fall apart

Break

The birds are very busy

They sense it is here

Frost on the field this morning

Break

The humming birds are now gone

No one saw them leave

They slipped away in the night

Noble Silence

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, candles, darkness, faith, heartbreak, hope, love, poetry12 Comments

This silence, a noble silence of

Candles and Buddha.

Three nights, three days

Hours of silence, hours of sitting.

Heaven in bowls of homemade soup and crusty breads.

Food to nourish our bodies as this place nourishes our souls.

The bells welcome morning and

Breakfast nourishes in silence.

A retreat from ordinary life,

No jobs to do, no one to take care of except ourselves.

A beautiful place surrounded by

Beautiful people, soul sisters and brothers.

We are like-minded, but are on our own journeys.

As Shawn so rightly said, “no one can do your path better than you”.

New friends with old ideas,

Each their own but each the same.

And so I sit, just sit and be

I try to keep my mind still.

Sometimes it is,

Sometimes not.

A sinking feeling, sinking into my soul

Into that space behind my eyes that truly sees

I see it in fleeting moments of bliss

Nothing to hold onto, nothing to catch.

Hours pass by in seconds, other times

Seconds are hours.

Bells signal the beginning and ending

Three to start, three to stop.

Sometimes the end comes too quickly,

Sometimes too slowly

A moment can last forever

Or disappear in a heartbeat.

It has left a lasting, life changing impression

Am I brave enough to take these steps?

Do I know which way to go? I think I do and

If I am honest with myself, I will.

I have to take this chance, nothing will change

Until I make the choice.

If I do, in six months I’ll be fine

If I don’t, in six months it will still be the same.

Seems so wrong to have to pay this price again,

So wrong to have already lost before I even started.

So I will sit, alone in my mind, alone in my heart

And ultimately alone in my soul.

I need to return to the place of Noble Silence

And let the stillness dry my tears and harden my heart.

It is the only way to survive,

The only way to be.

Grief

On By MiCoIn faith, heartbreak, love, poetry, spirit3 Comments

The grief is still here

It rolls from year to year.

It seeps and flows through my soul and just when I think it has forgotten me,

it comes sailing back in fits and starts and claims my heart for its own.

Sometimes it makes me angry

Sometimes it makes me cry.

I just want it to stop.

I want it to loosen the chains on my heart, but it won’t.

I have met someone who holds a key, does he know he can unlock my heart,

Set me freer than i have been in years?

If he knew would he turn the key?

Sometimes his unknowing makes me angry, as if it were his choice.

“help me” I feel like yelling at him,  “you hold the key”.

but i guess that isn’t fair, not fair to expect so much of him.

He is only human and frail like I am.

But this grief has to end, I can’t do it alone., it is so much stronger than I am.

I believe the depth of the love defines

The depth and strength of the grief.

It suffocates and overwhelms me,

Just like his love did only in opposite ways. Is it a measure of love or loss?

This man, the one who holds the key, where did he come from?

Do I have the ability to unlock his heart as he has to unlock mine?

Can he and I travel this way together, help each other to live and love totally again, or is it too late, too hard, too easy to just quit and give up the dream, settle for less.

NO, I can not quit, I can not give up and let the grief win,

let it hold me down in fear.

I just need some help, can it be done?

If only I knew for sure, if only I knew…

Not Again

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry4 Comments

Supplemental love,

Hearts in disconnect.

 

Words are as useless as

Pain shattered glass and

 

Red wine stains on white carpet are like

Heartbreaks in silence.

 

Truths are hidden, my

Existence threatened.

 

But nothing matters to a

Useless soul.

 

And to begin again is

To have faith but it is empty.

 

Ice has frozen the intentions and faith has flown.

My soul is ringed in sorrow.

 

More solitary thoughts fester and

Infect my mind telling me

 

It is better to be alone, no,

Not better, easier.

 

Less hurt, less disappointment

No more love, or hurt, or me.

I don’t want to go there

Not again…

 

My Hope

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry5 Comments

Lonely hearts,

collecting dust in the corner.

Words left unspoken,

Hanging like dust motes in the sunshine.

Ways left to ways,

Paths un-taken.

A love that was left behind

unused, unwanted.

Where can it go?

Is there a place for misplaced love?

A place where it  is held

and comforted

I hope so …

A Ghost and A Spirit

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry10 Comments

So different, yet the same,

So loved and missed equally.

Why, why be given

Just to be taken back.

Better to have loved and lost?

I cannot agree.

The ghost lingers in my mind

in my soul, in my heart.

His kindness and wisdom overwhelming.

His leaving not his choice.

His love, his kisses, his arms,

heaven.

His soul vibrant and alive,

Curious and seeking, the seeker found.

His knowledge given freely but

A troubled spot existed.

What to do, how not to hurt,

how to have it all, never realized.

Taken to spare the pain of decisions ?

Possibly, but taken to soon.

Forever missed – missing what was and what

could have been.

His ghost lingers , will never fade

Will always reside in my soul.

And then the other, the spirit,

He resides in my soul as well.

My choice, not his.

He loves but doesn’t

He comes and goes

Is mine, is not.

Each day brings something new.

His love is passionate and wonderful.

I ask for nothing in return.

He may not have it to give.

He is troubled in his soul,

Tries to hide, tries to love.

Conflicted and searching.

A beautiful soul tormented, he draws me in and pushes me away.

But in spite of it all, I love his tormented soul, his powerful sexuality,

His grace and projected kindness.

But I sense frustration and darkness within him.

I could help if he would let me.

And so it continues, he comes and goes,

loves and doesn’t, wants and needs but rejects and has a place in my soul forever

A ghost and a spirit reside within me and yet sadly,

I will remain forever alone.

The End Has Come

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry11 Comments

Love lost is so sad

No matter the reasons.

No matter whose fault or no fault.

We were two people,

Two people who loved in our own ways

maybe different ways,

one from the other,

but a bond existed and

grew just the same.

And then it ended, not as either of us

Expected and not in a good way but with an honest “mistake”.

An ending just the same

with pain that went both ways

and cut just as deeply

coming and going.

An then it was done, no words left to speak

and tomorrow came and the world went on

unchanged but for the fact that it was a little lighter on your side,

the side where my heart used to be.