Category: changes

A Valuable Part of Two

On By MiCoIn candles, changes, courage, darkness, dreams, earth, faith, fear, garden, god, growing, hope, light, love, love lost, love poetry, nature, pain, peace, poetry, sadness, spirit, summer, Uncategorized2 Comments

The heat of a summer day softens and slips silently

Into evening twilight.

The shifting shadows and cooling breezes of evening chill my being and

Bring an acute awareness of sorrow and emptiness to my state of mind.

This subtle, soft twilight is lonely and empty now

But was beautiful at other times and under other circumstances in my life.

Twilight holds tenderness and acceptance of love in times of loving but

When love is missing or withheld, twilight is punishing in its loneliness.

A solitary stroll through the garden is a waste;

There is no joy in relaxing in the rocking hammock alone. 

Light sadly leaves the landscape and drains the world of color

Just as this lost love drains my soul and heart of color.

The trees along the edge of the clearing blend into a fortress wall,

Locking me out in my loneliness.

Fireflies blink on and off but evade my eyes behind the fortress of trees

and the stark cold moon light accentuates  my solitude by throwing only one shadow behind me.

In better times, when I was not alone, the deepiening twilight was a magical time,

Full of love and acceptance.

 We walked the garden paths together, basking in the glow of the moon

 And soaking in the softness of star-shine.

Our shadows moved willingly behind us, hand in hand,

And fireflies lit our way home.

I want to go back to that time, back to being a valuable part of two,

Back to the times of softened days that faded into loving nights of passion and acceptance.

I need you take me back there, please…

Always Alone

On By MiCoIn changes, darkness, dreams, earth, fear, god, hope, nature, pain, poetry, sadness4 Comments

 

I’m lying in a hammock,

Sideways,

Staring at the canopy of trees above my head.

Their branches interlaced like the fingers of lovers in an act of passion.

They sway with the gentle breeze,

Each variety with its distinct leaf waiving and dancing to its own tune.

Above and beyond the boughs lies a deep blue sky, dotted with plumes of soft whiteness

Each drifting and changing with every second, never the same from moment to moment.

I watch this scene as the sunlight slowly turns to dusk.

The sun-powered breezes fade and the forest yawns and folds in on itself and sleeps.

I should do the same

But the magic of the transformation of day into night fixes me to this spot.

All form is erased, sky and forest become one, stars twinkle above and fireflies twinkle below as reflections of one another like sky in water.

Buzzing insects sounds are silenced and

A different cast of characters takes over the night shift.

An owl awakens and his hooting echoes between the sleeping trees,

Others answer in kind.

I hear the fox’s footsteps through the dry leaves and

Goosebumps cover my neck at the sound of his bark.

Less vocal creatures slink and stalk through the forest night

Taking their turn at life.

And me, I don’t fit into either cast,

I exist equally in both worlds but am not a participant in either and

Therein lays my sorrow.

I am only a watcher and always alone.

 

Sunday Evening Sorrow

On By MiCoIn candles, changes, darkness, dreams, heartbreak, love, love lost, love poetry, pain, poetry, sadness1 Comment

Sunday evening sorrow

A lonely time, a time in between.

 

The old week has ended,

The new not yet begun.

 

Another ending, freshly felt and remembered in sadness,

Will not end as easily as last week, it continues to linger and hurt, refusing to let go.

 

I am left behind,

Alone with this Sunday evening truth.

 

There is no space

No thought, no warmth.

 

Need is strong but left unattended, neglected,

And words that linger are incomplete.

 

Conversations left unfinished,

With thoughts not expressed or maybe expressed but not received or wanted.

 

It starts and stops,

Comes and goes but comes back only to stop again.

 

How can the coming stop,

But the stopping go on and on and on?

 

I thought there was no separation,

But now I accept that there is nothing to be separate from.

 

The empty space is all that remains within me,

The void was never filled, the dream never realized.

 

One thought had weight and ruled the results,

But mine did not.

 

But isn’t there really only one thought, one truth

One meaning?

 

I just don’t know anymore, I used to think I did, used to feel it in all there was

But now, it is gone and all that is left is the doubt.

 

I want to fight back, regain what I had, what I love

But I can’t. And even if I could, it would be futile; there is no longer another side.

 

What I thought was one is now two.

There is no energy, no anger, only the wanting and needing.

 

And so I sit, just sit on my cushions

In this Sunday evening loneliness

 

And watch the candles burn away the time

And hurt of love left behind.

 

 

 

Rain

On By MiCoIn changes, courage, darkness, earth, faith, fear, god, heartbreak, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, pain, peace, poetry, sadness, spirit, suffereing, sweetness, Uncategorized, Writing, Zen1 Comment

 

The sound of rain takes me to a place of inner peace as the

Rain falls in sheets and slides down the roof over its edge in a curtain of water.

Tree leaves dance with the weight of the rain and

Flowers wash their faces in its freshness.

The sky is lower on rainy days and

Holds us close and grounded.

Sounds are muted and muffled and

Light is  defused in grayness.

But it is not a sad and depressing grayness,

But a soothing and peaceful shade

Full of the necessity of sorrow.

A rainy day is soft and dark.  It begs us to stop, rest and be mindful of our surrounds and loves.

It reminds us to take the time to be lulled by the patter of rain on the windows

Into a place of inner stillness,

And there remain, content to just be and accept what is.

I Must Wait

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, changes, courage, darkness, earth, faith, fear, god, hope, light, love, love poetry, pain, past times, peace, poetry, poetry changes, sadness, sweetness, thanks, Uncategorized, Writing, ZenLeave a comment

I have to wait, just wait,

There is nothing left to do.

Tonight is cold and dark,

I must wait for the sun.

My love is intense and passionate,

I must wait for its object.

My mind is confused and alone,

I must wait for a friend.

My heart aches and pines,

I must wait for a song.

My life is a series of waits,

But my soul is tired of waiting.

Time must slow down,

So I can catch up.

And when I do, all of the waiting will have been for nothing,

Because I will find that it  is all already here.

After The Rain

On By MiCoIn changes, dreams, earth, faith, garden, god, growing, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, peace, poetry, seasons, Uncategorized2 Comments

The joy of a muddy puddle after a rain and

Spider webs stretched out on the grass waiting to dry.

 

Rain makes tree trunks darker on west facing sides with

Moss growing toward the north.

 

Forest fallen leaves flattened by winter’s snows awaken after the spring rain and

Crisp morning air envelopes the crystal blue sky of a new cloudless day.

 

Dawn brings a new world each and every morning, while

Night’s darkness hides the transformation from yesterday to today.

 

The world of this moment is a different world from yesterday’s,

From an hour ago, from a moment ago.

 

It all is in flux, all impermanent but dependable in its trustworthy impermanence and

Therein lays the joy of a muddy puddle after the rain.

 

It Is All I Have

On By MiCoIn Buddhism Meditation space, candles, changes, courage, dreams, earth, faith, fear, god, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, peace, poetry, Uncategorized, Writing, ZenLeave a comment

I need to write.

I need to say what I feel.

 

But I’m afraid,

Afraid of my pen, of my words.

 

Afraid I will not be able to stop.

Afraid that they will take over my being and

 

Bring out all my hidden truths and fears,

Even the ones I’m not aware of and I will have nowhere left to hide.

 

It will be a flood of words,

A torrent of emotions.

 

Some familiar in their pain, and

Others new in their hope.

 

Can I be brave and strong enough to hold onto my belief in love

In spite of all those truths and fears?

 

The wind-chimes on my porch say yes,

The trees, in their silent way, nod in agreement

 

And in hope the earth turns ever towards the sun

Always believing in and following its light and love.

 

So I must be brave and follow the earth’s example and

Turn to the Son too with faith and hope and

 

Never stop believing in love for in this moment, this now,

It is all I have and nothing else matters.

 

Love’s Lessons

On By MiCoIn changes, courage, dreams, faith, god, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, poetry, Uncategorized, Zen5 Comments

 

Life’s lessons come softly in the

Darkness before dawn.

Like leaves emerge in silence,

Unfold in trust.

A trust that the world’s love

Is real and the unfolding worth the risk.

Although risk is sometimes all there is,

The risk of loving is pain but the risk of not loving is also pain.

My belief in love, trust and tenderness is strong in my soul.

It is the tenderness that lingers in the last kiss goodnight,

In the full moon’s sliver puddles on the bed sheets at midnight,

In the early morning’s sweet touching and

In the smile that wears the knowing of that early morning touch

All day long.

I have come to know and understand that life’s lessons are love’s lessons,

Sometimes harsh in their honesty but always right in their truth.

Welcome Home

On By MiCoIn changes, earth, faith, god, growing, hope, light, love, love poetry, nature, poetry, spirit, Zen5 Comments

The 12-Step, codependent no more approach and the psychological analyzing  and labeling are not for me.  While fostered by caring individuals with only the best of intentions, both approaches are run by the mind with way too much thinking involved, too many judgments, stereotyping, etc.  I am aware that both processes are based on research and the due diligence of learned people, but the basis for dealing with everything in this life came with us from birth and it is precisely all this “mind’ activity that blocks our natural coping processes from being available for our use making our collective ego think the learned professionals are the only way to go.  I disagree.

These approaches no longer work for me.  So why do I keep drifting from the one that does?  Maybe it seems too simple, this recovery has to be more complicate than Eckhart’s simplicity, but his ideas are simplicity; profound in their power.

A power to make the name calling, the judgments, the classifications of another drop away as too much mind and leave behind only what is the observer in me behind my ego, looking beyond the ego of him  to the observer within him.  This observation does not nullify or cancel the effects of his or my negative behavior but instead creates an internal understanding of the difference between my ego and my being, his ego and his being, and an understanding of the workings of the “pain-body” and the power of this moment within us both.

From reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” and Mooji’s “Before I Am” I have experienced a deep and restful peace, a peace which has nothing to do with what he might say or what I might think.   All of those things have no bearing on my inner peace.  This is a state I have tried to achieve for years but it wasn’t until last night when I read the following quote from Mooji’s book that true peace became a recognized aspect of me.  I know it has always been there as the I am behind the me and my ego but my striving and grasping for it has kept it at bay.  “Truth is not some bundle of concepts that you have to believe in.  Truth is not a concept, it is where all concepts end” says Mooji.

This peace, I hate to call it a realization because that implies that my “mind” recognized it, came over me unbidden, un-thought of, and at first, unnoticed.  It crept in as I read Mooji’s words and sat in my bed with tea cup in hand.  My body recognized it first and reacted in spite of my busy mind. I became suddenly aware of the physical symptoms of peace, slower deeper breath, normal regular heart beat and lack of thoughts.  Not a blank mind but a mind full of just being with no room for thought.

A knowing came upon me and the thoughts that were weighing me down lost their power.  It no longer mattered how it would turn out because I became aware that this being of I am, behind my ego, and this sense of peace that it provided would not be and could not be changed.

Knowing this fact and not just believing it have given me a freedom I never felt before. This morning the sky is bluer, the little birds coming and going from my bird-feeders seem to pause and look at me with an internal knowing.  The contrast of the still leafless trees against the cloudless sky is defined like the 3D effects in the movies.  Birdsong drifts to me from every angle of the woods and wind-chimes give a voice to the invisible wind.

The prayer flags gracing the front of my house flutter their prayers to the heavens with my every breath and the world stands once again as witness to another being’s awakening and says “welcome home”.