The Yellow Room

I am not a quitter but there comes a time

When the fight is lost.

They say to resist is futile, as some things cannot be defeated

And may not need to be, so,

I have taken the advice given and

Have made the decision.

I have gone to the room,

Cleaned the cobwebs out of the corners, painted the walls yellow,

Arranged the flowers on the table and freshened the bed with clean, crisp linens, after all,

He deserves only the best.

It is a south facing room,

I know he likes the sun and heat.

I looked at all the other rooms – all unoccupied,

But none were quite as nice.

I don’t think he will be lonely there as

I will always be with him.

I’ll have to find a safe place to put the key;

I know I will use it often.

Especially at first,

I know he will come out a lot.

I’ll have to hold him gently in the palm of my hand,

Put him back in and lock the door each time; there is no other way.

I know I’ll complain about the inconvenience,

But it really will be my own fault, as I’ll still think of him too often.

They say in time I’ll see him less and less.

I’m not so sure of that, but I hope they’re right.

But right now I can take no more; he refuses to leave so I have no choice

As he comes uninvited into my thoughts daily.

So when those thoughts and feelings overwhelm me,

I will hold his essence in my hands and send him back.

And when I send him back, he will need no direction

As he knows which room is his.

It’s the first one on the right,

The only yellow room in my heart.

 

The Ballet of Life

 A play of light and shadow.

Bodies move and sweep emotions into being.

The interplay of physical and emotional strength portrays a

Man and woman connected in dance as in life and love.

Two bodies move as one in response to

The primordial rhythm of existence.

The two become one in spirit and flesh as

The opposites of each other.

Their hands and hearts glide together

Joining the masculine and feminine in an endless dance of love and power.

He shares his with her and she hers with him and

The dance becomes a battle of love, a flow of exquisite pain and destroying joy.

For to love for loves sake,

To flow together in the dance of eternity,

To believe in the union of man, woman and music

Is to become one with the ballet of life.

 

I Am Sure

 

Revelations come to me when I least expect them unwanted, but insistent that I listen.

They are the kind I don’t want to know and  don’t want to hear.

But they come anyway .  Maybe to clear the way,

To open my  heart and eyes and speak the truth to my soul.

But they are hard truths to take.

My heart says no, but my head and soul say “Yes, listen and know”.

My heart is a child, trusting , self-deluding and innocent.

My soul aches for her in her time of pain and sorrow.

Love is not only felt by my heart, my soul loves too.

But my soul  is blessed with a stronger constitution, a greater consciousness, a better understanding.

 It is older and wants to protect my heart, wants to spare her from pain but knows it can’t.

So it warps itself around my heart and holds her while she weeps and sleeps.  It knows that time will heal her and is patient in the waiting time.

My soul knows my heart is good and kind and that she loves unconditionally and breaks because of it.

My soul knows that my heart knows no other way to love so it waits and loves and holds and protects with gentle hands and the love of God.

Together, in time,  we will love again,  all three of us,

I’m sure of it,  my soul told me so.

Extraordinary

Be extraordinary in your ordinariness and

Marvel in the beauty of everyday blessings.

Notice how snow piles up in leeward corners of windows during a storm

And the rings raindrops make in puddles.

Admire the spirit of sunflower seeds sprouting in

October under the bird feeders.

Let the sparkling morning spider webs on

Summer grass fill your eyes with the freshness of love.

Feel the sweetness of warm, wet, baby kisses and

Hear the snap of clean linens on a spring morning clothesline.

Watch and listen for the ordinary ways God speaks to us

A million times a day and see …

Bees dancing on pebbles in the bird bath and

Crisp autumn leaves ringed with October morning frost.

Hear a Wood Thrush’s echoing, haunting song at dusk and

Watch clear glass jars and white porcelain bowls dry on the kitchen counter.

Notice frost fingers splaying across winter windows and

Soak in steaming soup on a cold December day.

Marvel at sun sparkles on freshly fallen snow and

Baby sighs in the night.

Drink in the light in your lover’s eyes and

Savor his sweet kisses at midnight.

Smile at the tea balls ringing like temple bells in the silverware drawer and

A ring of stateless steal measuring spoons in a baby’s fist.

All just ordinary things but extraordinary in their beauty and simplicity,

Just like you and me.

Night Shadows

Sheets of white surround me in

A blanket of feathered softness as dreams of him linger

 on the edge of sleep, my being cloaked in night’s darkness.

Through my darkness, I watch the night shadows drift past the windows,

They have lives of their own, the darkness becomes them.

The textured blackness of night can be comforting in its sameness.

A sameness that frees me from the eyes of judgment.

And as I lie back and watch his image leave the edge of sleep

I feel him join with me in whispered prayers the essence of which lingers on when sleep has fled.

But they are short lived prayers and are consumed by the night shadows to hide in the sameness of the textured blackness

Unanswered, dissolving and alone

Forever.

The love and stillness of forever.

 

Our destiny is love,

In its form of being and nonbeing.

It flows from the source,

From the beginnings of timelessness.

From the place of no time or deception as time is limiting and

Deception is the extinguisher of love.

Loves lies around the edges of our worldly existence,

Waiting for its chance, for an opening to flow in.

It is patient and forgiving but is not to

Be taken for a fool.

Love cries with agony watching our abuse of and unkindness towards each other

But it will never walk away or give up on us.

It sees and is the stillness in me and

Recognizes itself in you and all beings and nonbeings.

There is a lack of labeling in love, no separateness of one from the other.

It does not merely exist in some abstract form as it has no form and is alive in the stillness of all things.

Love seeps into existence in fragrant vapors of stillness and

Frames the portal to eternity.

Isness and non-duality are the very essence of love, the connection of being and nonbeing,

The beginning and the end, the beginingless and endless formlessness of all form.

Love is the essential formlessness of me and you and

The non-separate nature of us all.

So  forget my name but remember when you and I were the formless within each other.

And when you again feel that deep stillness  and

Have found your remembered place in me,

Come and hold  me and once again we will share 

The love and stillness of forever.

Because of Him

 

Gratitude for the smallest 

Becomes gratitude for the eternal,

Because the eternal exists in even the smallest of things,

Like a baby’s smile, a milkweed bloom, and crystal blue winter skies.

An autumn leaf, falling softly and quietly,

Releases its life full of gratitude willingly in a celebration of color,  it knows.

It is the smallest of things in my life that cover me in warmth and

Feed the fire of my gratitude with love.

I am thankful for sunrises and sunsets,

The defining moments of each day’s beginning and end.

I am grateful for my children and grandchildren and friends –

All manifestations of God.

Even the light in the eyes of the the wild ones of my forest home

Shines with the spirit of the heavens and the intimate knowledge of Krishna’s grace.

And when I am in danger of forgetting these things, these perfect and beautiful things,

something as simple as seeing my clear glass canning jars, standing in a sparkling row,

Can bring me back to myself, to my home,

The home I hold deep within, the one that holds the essence of me.

It is my gratefulness that fuels my passions for the loves in my life, from acorns to hummingbirds

Grasshoppers to lightning storms,

Soft kisses at midnight,

And sweet love in the morning.

I am grateful to exist in a flood of grace and love.

Grace that is endless and effortless, and love that is freeing and all encompassing.

My heart is full and my smiles are because of him.

Hari Om

My Heart Has Been Reborn

 

My heart now knows and feels that

Which my mind can only dream of.

This change in attitude has produced

A change in my reality.

Losing that burning anger has

Opened the doors to peace and

My emotions have taken on a new life with

A fresh perspective.

What once was clouded and dark

Now is clear and shines with an inner light all its own.

My old thoughts are powerless against me,

Their negativity replaced with the beautiful truth I see in his silent smiles.

In truth is found respect.

My perception of what was has shifted and

True compassion has filled the once painful void in my soul.

That which I saw in anger

Now is tempered by a flood of loving kindness.

So, the sting of the cruel mother’s words, the hurtful ex-husband, the heartless lovers of the past

Has faded and softened into acceptance,

An acceptance of the frailties and humanness of being human.

The unintentional infliction of pain and betrayal has lost its power to hurt and linger now that

My eyes see with a new light.

It is the light of amber afternoon love, of kindness, beauty and strength.  A deep, deep love without conditions —  as God meant love to be.

So now I can relax and just let it be.

Let it all unfold as it should and must, and be what it may.

I finally understand that my wanting and needing are just more obstacles in the way of just letting what is meant to be… be.

Please be patient with me love, my heart has recently been reborn.

A New Day

This is a day to walk away from what was

And begin anew.

A new life, a new hope,

A new light and home,

A new season, a new feeling,

And sometimes a new beginning from the old.

 A time to rebuild, renew and remold –

Myself.

In these beginnings there exist endings.

Some welcome, some not.

What I thought was, wasn’t and

What I thought was done, was not.

But now there is a mellowness, a warm light,

A subtle joy in these changes as

I sense a grace in my thoughts, a softening of my soul,

A warming of my heart,

A fullness of my being and

A richness in my life.

This new now brings me peace, gratitude and

Strength, along with an acceptance of what is,

The ability to let go of what was as it is gone,

And to think not of what may be as that is yet unknown.

And so with faith I will rest in the arms of the now and hold dear against my chest,

Like the tiny body of a baby, my heart and watch its pain and sorrow melt away and

Drift with the tide out to sea,

Comforted by the light and love of the full moon.

At last I can rejoice in the here and now

And hold close the loves in my life without fear.

I will fill my soul with gratitude for this new peace and

Begin each day with love for the miracle it is and

The joy that these new beginnings bring.

Hari Om

The Water’s Fine

 

Don’t wait, take the plunge.

Hold your nose and jump in.

How else will you ever know if it is too soon or too late?

If you will sink or swim?

Where will the answers come from and when, if not now?

I have waited before,

Have stepped back from the edge

Just in case I was wrong.

But now, at this time in my life, there is no wrong, there is only what will work now,

 Or more accurately, what I will make work now, for in this present moment, anything is possible.

And if I should get tired of swimming and start to sink, I can just put my feet down and ground them in the earth. 

It is never too late because it is always now.

So stay with me in this present moment where there is no room for fear,

Trust me, take my hand and take the plung,

The water’s fine!