What to write about besides love…

I am sitting and thinking…

Trying to find something but nothing else is quiet as interesting.

Sometimes I wish that were not true, but I know that it is.

Wanting and dreaming,

Hoping for him, all of him.

But what of everything else?

Does anything matter as much?

Does anything else make me feel like this?

Other things and other types of love matter, of course, but nothing is like this.

He tells me I should try to expand

My idea of love, he tells me my idea of love is too narrow,

Too defined by romantic love, He says

I need to count all the other love I am surrounded with

All the other kinds of love, not just

The man/woman love, the couples love, the romantic love.

I know he is right and I do value the other loves

In my life, my children, my friends,

My past loves and family but that kind of love is not the same,

For me not the same kind of love at all.

To give myself to him, not just emotionally but

Physically is overwhelmingly beautiful and

So very powerful. It is a physical expression of the depth of feeling

And trust I have for him, like nothing ever before, a complete surrender.

There is no need to hold back, no judgments.

All that I am I share with and give freely to him.

But then again maybe I should expand my definition of love, maybe I need to include something less than this love, less than this physical attraction between he and I but,

I don’t think I can.  For me, at least, nothing less will ever do.

I have hopes and dreams of love.

With no pressure, no confinement.

How can I make him understand and trust?

How can I convince him to truly believe and feel safe?

I want him, I need him, I love him.

I don’t want to pressure, or expect.

I want to be open and welcoming, a friend of his soul.

Truly wanting in a good sense, truly loving all of him.

I don’t want to assume or

Make guilty.

I don’t know what the future brings.

I don’t know what it holds for me or him,

But I believe in our time together, a time with

No demands or ties – except any we choose to freely give.

I know love will flourish under these conditions,

Love for its purest sake, in its most intimate beauty.

Not for maintenance, or show

Not for convenience, or selfishness

But for itself.

A love to share in those most special moments together.

A part of a full life, he to his and

Me to mine, separate but in harmony.

Always with our special time and place of coming together.

Our private place of passion and warmth which may be limited in time, but never in scope.

A time I wouldn’t trade for anything,

I need nothing more.

A love affair in its truest sense,

In the way it was meant to be for him and me.

Maybe not in the traditional sense but in our way.

Our hours of love, of heart, of heat and passion.

A commitment to  our friendship, to our way of loving.

To our hearts, in our time, in our love, in our giving, one to the other.

Not meant to be understood by anyone else, not meant to be rated or judged.

Only for us, only for us.

Hazy, hot summer,

Trampled feelings.

Sweat and sweets,

A mix of pleasures.

His hands are magic,

His soul smolders.

Light and dark play out in

Him and through me.

He takes me there with him

But I don’t know how to get back.

So he leaves me there to flounder

And want, to wade, to sink.

The water is too deep,

The price I have to pay to steep.

No longing is enough,

No fulfillment is right.

The end always comes,

But doesn’t’ last.

Each time it changes,

This different than the last.

This simpler but less

In some ways.

The passion is the same,

Everything else is not.

Can passion be disconnected

From the rest?

For some it is,

But not for me.

And so I flounder and sink,

Wade and struggle.

Some days my head is above water

Some days not.

But I stay, wait out the flood

Look for the way back, and finding it

Come home to rest, to start again

To follow him always, the passion never dies.

Trust and not.

Abandonment, not fair.

Why am I punished again

For their mistakes?

For their inability to love,

To care, to be.

So much trouble,

Not worth the effort.

Or is it? I don’t know,

How will I know?

Will it change and become

Or stay more of the same.

More of the same seems

To be the means and ends.

More time spent in sorrow

Than in joy, must mean something.

A game, with no winners,

A love with no losers.

A pain with no beginning

And no end.

A familiar story,

A heart breaker.

But not mine,

My story is different.

The heartbreak starts my story and

The end never comes.

I don’t want it to,

But it has to.

I need

I want

I cannot wait any longer

The time is here

But I am not ready and so

The story continues.

Lone time gone –

Ending times not counted,

I love, I love, I love,

But to no avail.

They are not available,

Some still here, some have passed.

What are the magic words

To make it happen?

To make his heart stop mid-beat

When my eyes meet his.

I know it can happen,

I know it can.

It shows in the sun,

The paths shadowed in pain.

Rains washing

Snows freezing

Two doors down,

The slams keep me awake.

Lights fade in dreams,

And hearts roast on the fire.

None of it makes sense

Seems so easy, so simple.

Why isn’t it ever

Why isn’t it now.

I do not love easily,

My love is hard.

I want it all, now.

Don’t hold back, I never do.

I can’t read your mind,

I won’t do your dance.

I want what I want,

But will give you all that I am.

Do you think you can handle that?

Maybe.

My passion is all encompassing and

I will give it all to you.

I don’t do anything halfway

And expect you not to either.

Don’t play stupid games with me,

I’m not a child.

I will not tolerate being treated badly.

Be good to me, and I’ll give you my world.

A world of passion like you have never seen or felt,

A love from the bottom of my soul, and a passion that will all but smother you.

Don’t throw that world back at me

I wouldn’t do that to you.

Intentional neglect will never work.

If you want me to go, say so, but don’t put it on me to let you go because I won’t.

I dislike cowards, don’t be one.

Say what you mean, and only what you mean.

I can take your rejection if it comes,

But not your coldness.

There is no need for that,

I didn’t ask for this.

Be as good to me in the end as in the beginning.

Smile if you say goodbye and feel the pain in my heart, you put it there.

I didn’t expect to love you, didn’t want to

Neither did you, but love happens.

Don’t lie or make light of us,

That isn’t fair.

It could be wonderful if you would let it,

But then again, it could be a mistake.

There are no guarantees

No sure things, so

Think about what you do,

As I do not love easily.