Holders of Stars

I have joined my sisters and retreated.

Back and back to the very beginning,

Not just my beginning but yours, ours.

Back to when the sacredness of women was honored.

A time when it was known and valued that women were

The givers of life and holders of stars.

Society has changed over the years, but in our hearts there remains

An understanding of the continuity of our original place and purpose.

We know that we are not in or of this world

But exist in our eternal beingness.

We are awake and are coming back to claim our rightful place.

The past is remembered in our collective consciousness and it is with renewed Courage and strength that we again dance in the forest,

And the forest dances in us.

Once more the mountains and ocean belong to us,

And we to them.

Our renewed story is a recognition of our eternal story.

It is the story of our connection to the divine,

Not one limited to any certain place or time but a story for all eternity.

The same eternity that resides in a milkweed bloom, a bird’s egg,

A baby’s laugh, and our hearts.

And although our voices remain soft and gentle, we will no longer be silenced.

We are not done with this world and

The writing of our collective story will never be finished

As it has no beginning or end.

Our time is now and together we will step out of time one by one and

Rejoin our story where we were forced out of it years ago.

We are still the givers of life and

The holders of stars.

Sacred women once more,

As one voice and mind.

Together again and always.

He Understood

When I stopped talking to God,

He stopped talking to me.

When I stopped listening to him,

He stopped listening to me.

He is not spiteful,

Just  honest.

When I blamed him for my circumstances,

He shed a single tear in eternity and was sad for my choices.

When I was angry with him for a death,

He understood.

When I questioned the reasons for my being,

He sent inaudible words of encouragement into the lonely darkness of my soul, words only I could hear.

When I pulled my hand from his grasp,

He stood back and quietly waited for my return with infinite patience.

And when my errant ways finally did lead me back to him,

He treated me as if I had never left.

 

I Am Here

I am finally, totally, here and I will never leave you.

You don’t ever have to be lonely or afraid again.

I am here.

Through the years I have come and gone.

Sometimes stayed close, but sometimes stayed away.

At times I was lost to you in this secular world,

Tied up by my thoughts and indifference.

But a change has come, an awakening. 

It has happened slowing, in subtle ways and small steps and now,

I am here.

I will hold you while you sleep.

I will witness your dreams and shoo away your nightmares.

I will hold your heart and put its broken pieces back together.

You will never be away from me again.

I am here.

It will be just you and me now, you and me forever.

There is duality but no separation as I have come home to the place I never left.

Back to the heart that has been the same

Throughout all time.

I am here.

I will finally step into the job that was mine

All along.

I will be your protector, your biggest fan, your patient teacher

And, most of all, your greatest love.

I am here.

I am sorry you have suffered, have been abused, unloved and broken.

I have learned that you are defenseless against the world without me, so now,

I am here.

Here with clarity, purpose, vision, emptiness, power and love.

  Never to leave you again.

To do so would be impossible because I now see that I am you, I am your heart and soul, your “I Am” with no beginning and no end.

You are my vehicle for experiencing the world, for sensing and knowing the manifested arising from the un-manifested.

  You are my beating heart, my body friend and my charge to protect.

  You are my very own

human—being.

A Beautiful but Bumpy Ride

Wisdom leeches out of melting snow banks and

Star light travels from the ground up as

moonlight seeps though the pores of the earth and floods the sky with peace.

Come, sit by my side in the forest at midnight and

Feel the earth’s truth in her being.

Be still and let your soul be free.

Then hold me tightly as it is a beautiful but bumpy ride!

My Child Self (still there, inside, waiting)

 

Sad little girl,

Come, sit with me.

Let me hold you, dry your tears,

Kiss your sweet little face.

I know you are hurt, I understand, I see her,

I see how she is, how she treats you.

Come and sit close, you can trust me,

I will protect you; there is no hurting here.

I know you are too little to understand, and

Too innocent to see the shame and fear she holds inside.

All you know is the pain of her betrayal.

I know and see how hard you try to please her, yet still she is hateful and mean.

I hear her tell you daily that you are not good enough, are funny looking and how she wishes she had never given birth to you.

I see and feel your pain and frustration, and

It breaks my heart to watch this happen to us.

I have learned and grown while you have waited and now the time has come

For me to come back in time to you, to a time when we were one.

Look for me and don’t be afraid, come close and I will read you a story,

I know she never did.

I will hold you like my baby and sing your sorrows to sleep,

She didn’t know how.

I will show you that you are better than good enough, and

I will prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you, in spite of what she said.

You will never be alone again,

The wait is over.

Trust me my child-self,

I have enough love for both of us, I pinky-promise.

 

 

After re-reading this post it has finally dawned on me why my anger and hurt at being neglected is still so strong… that was my punishment as a child for not being what my mother wanted me to be…. first she would yell at me and then she would ignore me, not speak to me for days at a time, and when she finally did, it was only to affirm how worthless I was… my husband treated me the same way, and so did other men in my life… unbelievable… so wrong and so sad for that little girl who still lives in my heart.

My Mind

 

My mind has become my enemy,

One that shares this space inside of me but cares not for my well-being.

It turns night into day, lust into love, wants into envy,

Truth – my truth – into lies.

It whispers in my left ear, words

My right side, it knows, will reject.

In the beginning, my human beginning, my mind

Was my friend, my ally, my confidant, but no more.

 

So I spend my time sitting and focusing on my

Return to that initial, eternal being,

 

And when that process is complete,

My mind will return to its natural state as my life navigator and soul companion.

Its taunting will stop, its search for drama will cease,

Its creation of a hundred hurtful scenarios a day will end,

And once again, as it was in the beginning,

It will become my friend.

 

It Waits

It waits with patience hands

Outside our knowing, waiting to be let in.

Its story is always the same,

Its truth dependable but not always what we want to hear.

There is no hypocrisy, no deceit in its soul.

It is the soul that fills the void, that encompasses the eternal.

It exists in rhythms of time, tides of dependability,

Cycles of freedom and seasons of hope.

It can be ignored, but never escaped and so it waits,

In beauty and joy, in bliss and acceptance, in love and peace,

For us to wake up and realize it is but a mirror of ourselves,

The face of our existence, the light in our souls,

The essence of our being

Before we were born.

All the Light of a Million Suns

 

His hands are weightless

His smile, eternal.

 

His eyes hold all the stars in the universe,

All the light of a million suns.

 

His energy charges every cell in my body and

His love powers and drives my nightly dreams.

 

When he speaks to me, his words feel like a warm soft blanket

Draped  with love over my shoulders.

 

His voice comes to me in the silence of meditation telling me to stop,

To let it all go.

 

He tells me that good will only come to me

After I throw out and reject the darkness.

 

He watches in silence and sadness as

I try but fail over and over…

 

He knows he can’t do it for me.

I know I can’t do it for myself.