My Child Self (still there, inside, waiting)

 

Sad little girl,

Come, sit with me.

Let me hold you, dry your tears,

Kiss your sweet little face.

I know you are hurt, I understand, I see her,

I see how she is, how she treats you.

Come and sit close, you can trust me,

I will protect you; there is no hurting here.

I know you are too little to understand, and

Too innocent to see the shame and fear she holds inside.

All you know is the pain of her betrayal.

I know and see how hard you try to please her, yet still she is hateful and mean.

I hear her tell you daily that you are not good enough, are funny looking and how she wishes she had never given birth to you.

I see and feel your pain and frustration, and

It breaks my heart to watch this happen to us.

I have learned and grown while you have waited and now the time has come

For me to come back in time to you, to a time when we were one.

Look for me and don’t be afraid, come close and I will read you a story,

I know she never did.

I will hold you like my baby and sing your sorrows to sleep,

She didn’t know how.

I will show you that you are better than good enough, and

I will prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you, in spite of what she said.

You will never be alone again,

The wait is over.

Trust me my child-self,

I have enough love for both of us, I pinky-promise.

 

 

After re-reading this post it has finally dawned on me why my anger and hurt at being neglected is still so strong… that was my punishment as a child for not being what my mother wanted me to be…. first she would yell at me and then she would ignore me, not speak to me for days at a time, and when she finally did, it was only to affirm how worthless I was… my husband treated me the same way, and so did other men in my life… unbelievable… so wrong and so sad for that little girl who still lives in my heart.

September Morning (Sarah’s Birthday)

In morning’s stillness, the owl sings to me of days gone by.

Soft darkness surrounds my heart and brings me back in time.

Back to a small building, a small town,

36 years in the past to an empty waiting room and dimly lit corridors.

To a quiet hospital’s artificial twilight while the world sleeps on,

Unaware of the new life signaling its time to begin.

It was just us, waiting together, physically connected as one

But for only a few hours more.

Your birth was the beginning of our separate journeys but as

A physical separation only, we remained together in heart and mind.

In that early September morning mist, as a tiny girl, you took your place beside me,

And changed my life with your smile.

You left the temporary shelter of my body,

And joined the permanent shelter of my heart.

Your presence in this world begin on that beautiful morning but

Your soul was already here, waiting for you to come back.

Right from the beginning your wisdom and light shown through your tiny eyes.

Your smile contagious, your grace and love profound.

You are an eternal soul born to bring a spark of goodness and light back to this world,

Your simple presence making the world and my life a better place.

You are now a woman, holding the little hand of the next embodiment of profound sprit and wisdom.

Your light is strong in your daughter and so the cycle continues.

From mother to daughter, sister to sister,

Woman to woman.

Together we are strong, loving, grace filled and eternal and build on each other’s strengths.

The time has come for us to take our rightful place in this universe.

Our life-force will change the world and the heavens and bring them back into balance.

And as it was in the beginning, the hands that rock the cradle will hold the hearts of the world and all will be at peace once more.

The change has begun.

September 3, 2015

MC

When the Clouds are Loud

Molly says, “The clouds are loud”

And she is so afraid!

Are you afraid when the clouds are loud?

And the lightening flickers across the sky and lights up the night?

And when the flashes come, do you see

Scary things in the shadows?

Are you afraid when the clouds are loud and

The wind howls and shakes the house and the rain falls in sheets and makes a pond of the field?

Are you afraid when the clouds are loud and the trees shake

And bend in fear

And the flowers cower and crows call and

The garden rolls up her skirt and hides behind the barn?

Are you afraid when the clouds are loud and the sky turns dark and

Thunder shakes the ground, rattles the windows and

The windmill blades spin in terror and

Birds hide in the cellar window wells?

And when the clouds return to silence and the world is washed fresh, does your fear wash away with the rain water?

Molly’s does.