He runs his hands over my body like he owns it,
And he does.
He whispers love and lust in my ear like he owns me,
And he does.
His words wrap my heart in love and joy like they own it,
and they do.
His deception tears my heart out and stomps it into the dirt,
and it hurts.
The sadness he leaves with me will hurt forever whether he meant to or not
and so it will.
He will never be replaced in my heart,
I don’t want him to be.
This love will never end
Because I will not let it.
How do I balance the hurt, hate and love
The betrayal of my soul, the disregard for my heart.
I feel like the rock just below the surface of the river water
Just below the air, my lungs ready to burst with want and need,
Just inches above it is clear,
Hope just out of my reach.
I wish wishful thinking could make it true, I wish your heart could beat with mine and
Know the pain you have caused.
I can’t hate you for loving someone else but this
Physical and emotional betrayal was so unexpected, so cold, it is love turned to lies.
I can’t image why you thought it was alright, but I guess you had
No thoughts for anyone but you, only what you wanted, what you needed.
Your tears can’t wash this one away,
They can no longer cleanse the mud from my heart.
You can’t take back your actions and
Your cruel indifference,
You can’t stitch up my heart and hide it back in my chest, where no one will see, no one will know what you’ve done…
Not this time, my heart won’t let you in spite of what I might think or say.
It’s other half is missing.
You took me to your bed last week and made me feel like a queen, like I was the only one,
You went to her bed this week…
I hope you realize that you have destroyed an honest, loving heart
With your dishonesty and practiced indifference.
Indifference is as abusive as a punch in my face would have been
Except that it hurts more.
All of this is so unnecessary, so wrong, so unfair
So much pain, my reward for loving you so much.
He seems sad inside, an unhappy place.
There is a war that rages within, the sides are undefined.
His light has to fight to get out, and it turns cold in its struggle.
He is alone but his loneliness is crowded.
There is no room in his heart, it is full of useless memories,
Wasted space, rooms of used feelings, empty promises, broken dreams.
Nothing belongs only to him, just his, only his.
He tries to be universal, but his soul is battered and sore.
He dreams and wants but denies himself,
He holds tight as he pushes away, searching,
Always searching and seeking,
Stop… be still…let it catch you.
I can’t fix him but I can
Hold him and love him while he mends.
Dreaming
The air is crisp and biting as it travels down into my lungs.
I hear the trees’ bare limbs creak and whine in their icy blankets.
The ground is cold and hard where the grass once tickled my toes.
I savor the brief few minutes of sun that warm my naked face.
I miss the smell of dirt and the sound of rustling leaves…
I miss the sound of heavy booted feet on rocky mountain paths…
I miss the long awaited cool breeze on a hot summer day…
I miss bird song, thunderstorms, and roasting marshmallows on the campfire…
But Spring will come again as it always does,
The sun will shine and the snow will melt,
The ground will soften and grass will grow,
The trees will wake and grow their new leaves,
But for now,
It is silent…
Everything is sleeping…
Waiting….
Wishing…
Dreaming of Spring…
Teardrops resting in my eyelashes make stars of the candle flames
That dance before Krishna and Radah.
My heart melts like wax in their presence while
My soul longs for a love like theirs.
I search for the truth in him, I won’t give up, but it remains elusive
And hides behind his eyes.
So I wait and want, love and hurt and cry but
Still it hides.
It has not the courage to tell its story so it stays hidden from me in shame with
Lust its frequent disguise.
Are you in my book?
My book of stories and riddles.
Chapter after chapter of notes
And songs sung sideways.
Gongs chime in the twilight,
And history rewrites itself.
Clouds slide low and breezes
Stir the stars.
The stars flicker and swirl to the sideways songs and
Ring the gong with their dusty tails.
The chapters crumble in dry flakes
To the ground and fuel the cold fire of my soul.
Happiness lurks just out of reach
Behind woodpiles and hemlock trees.
Night winds turn the pages and
Frozen dew cracks the binding.
Are you in my book, love?
I want you to be.
Come, sit and sip with me,
The tea will warm our hands, the wine our hearts.
Hold my hands across the table,
Watch and feel my eyes melt into yours.
Your heart hears mine but you pull
Your sweater tight and muffle its cries.
Let it out, it only wants to share
Don’t be afraid,
It won’t leave you for me and mine
Won’t leave me for you, but
They will meet when
Our chests touch and
Their harmonic beauty will speak to us of peace and love and
Lull us to sleep
Among the tea mugs
And wine glasses.
Notes of soul,
Words of flesh,
The sound of time is
Love expressed.
Chants whisper to me
As their cords of light infuse my spirit.
The names of God swirl in silent eddies
And drain through the fibers of my heart
Where traces of love are
Caught and linger.
The universal love holds no space or time
It is all and nothing.
Come my love, hold my hand and
Sing with me the names of God in love and watch
Watch and be amazed as the magic unfolds again.
Winter is not a time of loss,
Not just a time of cold.
It is a pause,
A break in the cycle of growth and light.
A time to rest, step back, step in,
And reflect.
The dark time brings us back to hearth and home,
Back to our roots and each other.
We share this quiet time within ourselves,
Deeply formed thoughts reflected in firelight.
Winter is a time of shared isolation.
We are all closed in, alone with each other.
The trees are quiet, too. All
Sounds are muffled by the snow.
Burrows and dens surrounded by the white warmth
Shelter life until spring.
Crystal cold water runs beneath a
Covering of ice,
Sneaking away to the open sea,
Escaping the slowing by cold’s icy grip.
The cold penetrates all, it slides
Silently over the sills
And in through the cracks and settles
In pools around my feet.
Cold turns the air into crystals of ice,
That sparkle as diamonds in the sun.
But the sun holds little warmth in winter.
Her light for illumination only.
She has given the world over to the other side
A universe and life in balance, as it should be.
The light and warm time will come again, it always does
It is trustworthy.
So I am content to sit by the fire and marvel
At the wonder and beauty of winter.
I appreciate my place in the flow of the seasons
And my oneness with all creatures.
Join me, step back and observe, listen and be still
Hear the magic and grace that surrounds you.
Let the crystal blue sparkling sky fill your eyes and heart with the joy of the season
And be at peace in this time of waiting.
I want to touch your face and
Trace the bridge of your nose.
I want to run my fingers around your
Ears and eyebrows.
I want to outline your lips with my finger tips,
Those soft luscious lips.
Your songs sing in my heart,
And play in my head at daybreak.
But you are not impressed by my love.
You are unmoved by my soul.
And yet I persist, my heart leaves me no choice.
Maybe one day yours will open and let me in.
I want to take nothing away.
I want to soak in your soul,
Feel your breath mix with mine,
Hold your heart in my hands,
Run my finger tips over your body,
And sip the sweetness of your love and fill you with mine.
Would that be so bad?
heartwordsforpoetry 