I loved touching him,
I loved being touched.
I loved holding him,
I loved being held.
I loved kissing him,
I loved being kissed.
I loved loving him,
I loved being loved.
But he is gone
And has taken with him the
Touching,
Holding,
Kissing, and
Loving.
The once warm darkness we shared in early morning loving
Is now empty and cold.
Memories are all I have left.
My sorrow is complete.
From my bedroom window
I watch the woodland change with the seasons.
On the corner of the house, a maple branch hugs the windowsill
Its leaves framing my view of the forest.
How can I explain the secret life of leaves I observe from my window and the
Magical growth that takes place in silence unseen?
I can think of no words to use, so instead I just watch, I watch the breeze
ruffle the leaves and the branches move together in the wind like fans made of feathers.
And then the rain comes, and I watch the drops play the
Leaves like keys on a piano.
I am content with my role as watcher and marvel at the strength and skill the trees employ when they interlock their arms to form an impenetrable force of gentle power in silence.
These graceful tree spirits are woven together by the hand of God to create
The framework of the forest.
They surround my home and speak to my soul.
My heart hears their thoughts and hopes,
And I realize and know that they are
Not so different from me.
I understand and accept that we share this planet and are
Children of the One in all our varied forms.
All connected,
All equal in the eyes of our creator.
And the peace and stillness of the wood
pervades my soul and feeds my spirit and makes me one with those who stand outside looking in.
I will make you soup, my Lord and
Fill it with the spices of life so that you may taste the wonders you have given to me.
There will be salt for truth and
Pepper for hurt.
Sugar for love and
Bitters for sadness.
Potatoes will let you taste the flavor of the earth and
Beets, the warmth of the soil.
Carrots will spill out their liquid orange sunshine for your pleasure and
Savory herbs will add flavor to surprise your taste buds with every sip.
My delight in the life you have given me makes me what to give back to you so,
I will make you soup, my Lord
And I will stir it with love.
I don’t have a love like that.
Thought I did, once.
Maybe I should make one up?
I could, but
Would it have the same hold,
The same power and depth of feeling
If it only existing in my mind?
Although my mind takes its direction from my heart,
Is my heart to be trusted?
Would I make the fantasy so good that every reality thereafter would be a disappointment?
But then, isn’t that inevitable anyway…
A remembered event is most often better than the event itself.
In looking back, my memory adds flavor and substance to one who really was without either.
He was just a shell of my creation, a vessel for me to
Fill with what I wanted him to be.
I made the vessel strong to hold what I needed, or so I thought.
It was my error. The vessel of my own making wasn’t up to the task.
So as payback for my mistake, I continue to miss something I never had,
To love someone who didn’t exist and to cherish a love that wasn’t returned.
How could it have been?
It was only a fantasy and
Faith in a fantasy is as
Empty and sinking as the leaky vessel that carries it.
We are supposed to learn from our mistakes.
Or so I’m told.
This moment, this one
Precious moment.
Like no other,
Only you and me.
At this second, no one
And nothing else matters.
All sound is blocked from my mind,
All I can hear is your voice.
My eyes can focus only on you; my body feels only your touch,
All else fades away.
My soul fills with your presence
Your strength and your love. Nothing can compare.
In this moment, we are all that exists,
We have no need for anything else.
Space shrinks to the size of your room
And the universe is contained in the pupils of your eyes.
The eternal truth resides in your touch and
I can hear the harmony of the heavens in your sighs.
In this moment we are aware and know that there is no heaven
No hell, no past, no future,
Just now, just you, just me.
Timeless, all consuming, beautiful and right.
Lonely hearts,
Collect cobwebs in the corner.
While words left unspoken,
Hang like dust motes in the sunshine.
But Life goes on with paths un-taken, names forgotten, hearts neglected.
A love was left behind,
Unwanted.
Where did it go?
Is there a place for misplaced love?
A place where it is held
And comforted or does it just dissipate slowly
Like dew in the sunshine…
I don’t know.
I just
Don’t
Know…
That epic love, the one we can only know in our deepest heartspace, the one that remains in secret just below the surface, always. The one we don’t speak of, ever…
It is a love other women of deep emotion and passion will understand as they have felt it too.
That one where all the signs and signals said beware, stay away,
But you didn’t, you couldn’t.
It was the Cinderella fantasy come to life.
A love too good to be true,
And was.
But it remains a time and a love that will stay in your heart and at the edge of your mind forever.
One that brings tears in the present but fond, soft and gentle memories in the future.
A love that was never meant to last, there was too much passion. It was too intense and raw to be maintained for long.
It came into your heart like an avalanche of emotion, a storm of lust, a tide of love to overtake your Being and then just as violently as it came, it was gone, leaving you lost and heartbroken.
But in spite of all the pain, it changed you for the better into a woman who felt a love she will never forget, never imagined was possible and will never repeat.
But then, if you are honest with yourself, you knew from the beginning that it was never really yours to keep,
Didn’t you…
In bits and pieces,
Dribs and drabs,
Bit by bit, he fades away.
Less and less and less… until
There is no more, and
All that is left is brittle pieces on the floor
To be swept under the rug where no one will see,
No one will care, no one will know, not even him.
No one.
Except me.
Only me…
The doors and windows are open wide and welcome
The wind as it blows through my house and my soul.
It brings a beingness of light and truth, peace and love, disguised as wind.
Trees sway in its beauty,
Souls sing in harmony with its truth and
The unconscious void is filled with its one love.
I know that the empty void from my past existed only in my mind.
My mind was deluded and swayed by the ways of the world but now,
I am neither of the world nor in the world as
The world is in me and you and you and you…
There is no separateness in our beings but great diversity in our humanness,
As it should be, as it was meant to be. The contrast is beautiful.
“Between the silence of the mountains and the crashing of the sea, there lives a land I once lived in and he’s waiting there for me” Moody Blues
So… will you meet me there, in the silence of the mountains, in the void of fullness, in a world of our own making
Where the wind blows its truth into our souls
And surrounds our hearts with love?
If I get there first, I’ll save your place.
Will you do the same for me?
heartwordsforpoetry 