Shadows are empty outlines.
A suggestion of life in a void of darkness.
My shadow follows me faithfully until I step aside
And light returns erasing the darkness and setting me free.
All I need to do is step aside, just step aside…
Category: courage
Again and Again
My life is contained in a shoe-box beneath my bed,
At the bottom of a green glass vase of pennies, or maybe
In the prayer flags hung over my mirror holding the cut-out owl Karen made for me.
My soul is contained and content in a mildewed pod growing in the land of wind and chi.
My future and hopes lie waiting in my pendant box, waiting for my questions with answers I may not want to hear and
My love, where is that? In my heart or his? Love and lust are confused and linger in the scent of him on my heart.
My future is no more concrete then a speck of dust illuminated by the sun’s rays peaking through my lace curtains.
And death, what of that?
When it comes I will seal it and I in an empty bottle and set us adrift on an ocean of eternal possibilities and
Where the tide will take us is where we will stay and begin again, and again, and again…
A Beautiful but Bumpy Ride
Wisdom leeches out of melting snow banks and
Star light travels from the ground up as
moonlight seeps though the pores of the earth and floods the sky with peace.
Come, sit by my side in the forest at midnight and
Feel the earth’s truth in her being.
Be still and let your soul be free.
Then hold me tightly as it is a beautiful but bumpy ride!
Liquid in Your Soul
Your hands caress me as
Your heart unfolds my very being.
I am worse than putty in your hands –
I am liquid in your soul.
Take care,
You may drown in me.
Words
I deal in words.
Words are cheap.
Saying things doesn’t make them real.
Words can mislead, lie, and twist the truth.
Words were never meant to be taken literally.
Take Care
There is peace in my body,
Light in my eyes,
Love in my heart, and
You in my soul.
I am an interesting mixture of
Timelessness and words.
Hold me close and I will enlighten you,
Love me deeply and I will give you heaven,
Hurt me and your thoughts of me will stain your soul
Forever, so, take care and
Be mindful of how you hold me.
Silent April Snow
The early spring silent snow
Fits my mood.
It is a white dusting of truth
Accentuating every little branch and twig,
Making every little lie all the more obvious.
The silence into which the April snow is falling
Seeps through my eyes and into my heart
As if to smother and quiet its
Telltale beats.
It comes as blessing and a curse by
Prolonging the inevitable with maybe that one last chance.
But I know the sun will come out and
It will all be just a memory …
Once again.
Mine to Claim
There is a light in my words.
They possess a divine luminescence
That does not flow from me
But from a much greater source.
A source above and beyond me.
But the other ones, the dark words,
Where do they come from?
They take over sometimes, in spite of what I say I want.
Where does their power come from? Me, him, somewhere else? Someone else?
They seep into my soul unbidden from a place I don’t want to claim as my own.
They weave their webs around my heart and steal my light.
Their thoughts are dark, their meanings are dark, their hearts are black and broken.
I would feel sorry for them if they were not mine.
They are here to control me, to upset my basket of good and light.
They are mine to deny and disown, but mine nonetheless.
To deny their existence or my creation of them would be to deny a basic part of myself, maybe one I am not proud of but an integral part of me all the same.
So now there remains the question of what to do with them, yet again, or with the me that breeds these destructive thoughts and words…
I don’t know. To shut them out would be to deny a part of me, and maybe invalidate my good thoughts and words as there can be no light without the dark.
But they are heavy words and sink to the bottom of my soul where they lay neglected but never ever forgotten, and never formally put to rest.
Their dark lingers in my mind as it is familiar and known. I know the depths to which they will take me if I let them, as well as the indifference they feel for my heart and soul.
I should stay away from them as they are cruel in their relentless pursuit of my mind and thoughts, in their attitudes of sorrow and despair.
I think I’ll tuck them away in a folder at the bottom corner of my desktop. Out of the way but not forgotten as
To ignore them gives them power, a power over me that unattended can take me to places I would rather not go, bad places,
Their places,
Dark and heavy places,
But still they remain
Mine to claim.
A Play of Stillness (2/24/17)
I sit on the stage.
Darkness surrounds me.
The audience, if there is one,
Is silent.
There are no props on the stage
Only layers of black curtains.
Although I don’t remember auditioning for a play,
Here I am.
It’s odd that there is no music or
Other players.
So I sit in my darkness for what seems like forever
But there is still no sound, no movement, no life.
Just stillness and a mild sense of confusion.
I feel the space in front of me more than see it.
I sense it is there, curtains in a circular shape
A boundary perhaps but between what and where?
The other side is unknown and unknowable
Until the show begins.
But will it begin? Still there is no script or other players,
No music or lights.
I run my hand through my hair to prove to myself that
I am still real in this sensory deprived place.
But what is real about an empty stage, a wordless play,
A playerless story?
I begin to realize that
None of those things matter.
All is stillness and non-duality.
The “show” never begins and never ends.
The circular curtain and empty stage contain eternity
And this space is an empty place within me.
There will be no play, no script,
No lights, no audience.
This story is mine, the darkness my stillness,
The only witness, me.
Just me as part of the universal consciousness
Acting out a play of well-rehearsed lines without ever saying a word.
Each player a part of the whole
Never separate from the others.
All joined in the cosmic drama
Of existence.
The curtain rises on one story, one actor, one consciousness
In an act that never ends.
My Child Self (still there, inside, waiting)
| Sad little girl,
Come, sit with me. Let me hold you, dry your tears, Kiss your sweet little face. I know you are hurt, I understand, I see her, I see how she is, how she treats you. Come and sit close, you can trust me, I will protect you; there is no hurting here. I know you are too little to understand, and Too innocent to see the shame and fear she holds inside. All you know is the pain of her betrayal. I know and see how hard you try to please her, yet still she is hateful and mean. I hear her tell you daily that you are not good enough, are funny looking and how she wishes she had never given birth to you. I see and feel your pain and frustration, and It breaks my heart to watch this happen to us. I have learned and grown while you have waited and now the time has come For me to come back in time to you, to a time when we were one. Look for me and don’t be afraid, come close and I will read you a story, I know she never did. I will hold you like my baby and sing your sorrows to sleep, She didn’t know how. I will show you that you are better than good enough, and I will prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you, in spite of what she said. You will never be alone again, The wait is over. Trust me my child-self, I have enough love for both of us, I pinky-promise.
After re-reading this post it has finally dawned on me why my anger and hurt at being neglected is still so strong… that was my punishment as a child for not being what my mother wanted me to be…. first she would yell at me and then she would ignore me, not speak to me for days at a time, and when she finally did, it was only to affirm how worthless I was… my husband treated me the same way, and so did other men in my life… unbelievable… so wrong and so sad for that little girl who still lives in my heart. |
heartwordsforpoetry 