Mine to Claim

There is a light in my words.

They possess a divine luminescence

That does not flow from me

But from a much greater source.

A source above and beyond me.

But the other ones, the dark words,

Where do they come from?

They take over sometimes, in spite of what I say I want.

Where does their power come from? Me, him, somewhere else? Someone else?

They seep into my soul unbidden from a place I don’t want to claim as my own.

They weave their webs around my heart and steal my light.

Their thoughts are dark, their meanings are dark, their hearts are black and broken.

I would feel sorry for them if they were not mine.

They are here to control me, to upset my basket of good and light.

They are mine to deny and disown, but mine nonetheless.

To deny their existence or my creation of them would be to deny a basic part of myself, maybe one I am not proud of but an integral part of me all the same.

So now there remains the question of what to do with them, yet again, or with the me that breeds these destructive thoughts and words…

I don’t know.  To shut them out would be to deny a part of me, and maybe invalidate my good thoughts and words as there can be no light without the dark.

But they are heavy words and sink to the bottom of my soul where they lay neglected but never ever forgotten, and never formally put to rest.

Their dark lingers in my mind as it is familiar and known. I know the depths to which they will take me if I let them, as well as the indifference they feel for my heart and soul.

I should stay away from them as they are cruel in their relentless pursuit of my mind and thoughts, in their attitudes of sorrow and despair.

I think I’ll tuck them away in a folder at the bottom corner of my desktop. Out of the way but not forgotten as

To ignore them gives them power, a power over me that unattended can take me to places I would rather not go, bad places,

 Their places,

Dark and heavy places,

But still they remain

Mine to claim.

 

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