A Glimpse of Joy

 

Wednesday morning musings,

A kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts.

They flood in like sunlight

Through the clouds,

A glimpse of the crystal blue beyond the gray,

Fleeting but beautiful.

My desire to hold onto that spark, that glimpse of joy,

Is my downfall.

It is not meant to be held,

Not meant to be captured.

To hold it close would be to smother it and

Deplete its joy.

Instead I need to learn to move with it, become part of it

Not as an observer but as a participant,

Only then will I feel the joy inside

Where it was meant to reside.

Hallelujah

In or Out of Time

 

Transient whispers in the night,

Loves softness is given in kisses.

 

Bodies connected by touch and heat,

Hearts untied in space and now.

 

Time stands still and holds us there with it and

Darkness and light exist together in our hearts and minds.

 

Our souls intermingle in beauty and

Sadness.

 

Sadness for the perceived separateness and beauty at the knowing

That there is no separateness in space or time.

 

I need to find you again, in or out of time.

I want to hold you, but where have you gone?

 

Will you wait for me there?

Do you exist in one other than God?

 

Do any of us?

The Soul of the Storm

 

3:30 am February Thunder

 

What is it that speaks to me through thunder?

Why does it hold such fascination?

 

Why does it bring from and to me such joy?

It is just a sound, a physical reaction to the heat of lightening, a compression and release of air pressure, That is all it is, but is it? What more does it represent to me?

 

It is nature, it is God speaking to me, it awakens in me a sense of personal connection, me to God, me to nature’s voice, me to the divine Mother Earth.

 

Lighten is the spark, the bright flash of Satori,

But thunder is the voice, the depth of feeling, the depth of God’s soul in sound.

 

Thunder emanates from the extremeness and storminess of the soul.  It is the release of charge, not the lamenting of loss but a celebration of depth.

 

The sound echoes between the hills and shakes the ground.  It cracks and air and then rolls in waves of intensity lower and lower until its vibrations shake the very core of the earth and of my being.

 

It touches me in a very primal way, a way before time, a way before and above thought, a way that has no need for thought or time.

 

I feel as a tree must feel in a storm.  I picture how it must be in my head…

 

Standing in the night, warm summer air flowing through my branches, gentle purposful breezes stirring my leaves and off in the distance the brief brilliant flashes of lighting appear.  Their light, reflecting over the towering cloud tops,  announces the storms approach.  I know what this means and I await its arrival with mixed emotions.

 

The breezes start to stiffen, my braches and leaves are tossed and startled.  My trunk is strong but so is the wind and I am fearful.  As the storm approaches, the very darkness and emotion of the air is changed.  It becomes charged with anticipation, with expectations and apprehension.

 

The rain arrives first in wind carried drops, miles ahead of the storm.  My leaves dance to the rhythm of these gentle drops while waiting for the violence of the curtains of water that will accompany the storm.

 

As the storm gains ground and draws closer, I feel it rather than hear it.  It is a deep feeling that travels through the ground and vibrates and shakes my roots.

 

Then it begins to crackle overhead and toss my limbs like whispers of silk.  My leaves are turned upside-down by the wind and my storm facing bark is soaked by streams of rain.

 

The sky lowers and pressed heavily on my crown.  Forest creatures take refuge in the shelter of my branches where I hold them tight against the onslaught of power and turbulence from the storm.

 

The storm roils through my forest, soaking the soil and bringing energy and life to the earth.  Its violence is only its great need to communicate its passion for life, and then it begins to fade…

 

It moves off to the east, dragging its lightening with it.  The thunder fades quickly with distance rolling back into the silence from which it was born and the forest night resumes its rest as if nothing had happened.

 

 

As the storm passes I return to me and to my soft, warm, dry bed and dream of being a tree as the trees watch me though the open window.

 

They understand better than I do our connection, me to them, them to me and all of us to the soul of the storm.

The Now of a Heartbeat

The darkness in the depth of my tea mug

Is as vast as the universe.

 

Its emptiness the very thing

That makes it useful.

 

But depth is relative,

My cup can be as deep as the ocean and

 

The universe as shallow

As a thimble.

 

The night sky calls to me

To come and explore the spaces between.

 

But they are all the same, the spaces between you and me

Hate and love, all and nothing – no space and only space.

 

We are made of space and little else so my being can hold this limitless space

And my body the universe just as

 

Infinity exists in the now of a heartbeat

And forever is defined in the bloom of the milkweed

The Light Everlasting

What is it trying to tell me?
Anything?

 

The quote in the window,

The quick car in the night.

 

Is it all in my head?

Probably.

 

But if not, what is trying to break through,

Break into this world through me and why show me if it isn’t real…no, I have to stop thinking…

 

I need to see the moon lit patterns of white and shadow on the snow and hear how they speak to me.

The chimes are calling me again from the silence of my soul to look, listen, observe.

 

I need to hear the hungry owl’s cries in the night, feel its silent wings move swiftly in the darkness,

Too swiftly for its pray and watch with detachment the

 

Swift death, natural and inevitable but made a villain

By my thoughts.

 

I need to leave these thoughts and become

Stillness in the chaos, I need to reenter the silent swiftness of the owl’s wings and moon shadows.

 

For It is the only place to be and

The only place I have ever existed.

 

My being had begun to seep away while I was preoccupied,

Distracted by the other, the unnatural, the evil of my own making.

 

But the owl’s wings are bringing me home now,

My time of regression is waning but it has taken its toll.

 

My heart is weaker, my thoughts harder to read.

There is no regressing without damage to me and the object of the cause.

 

Solitude and stillness, as the getaway to the road back are coming into view…

The road to the place of reclamation of my soul,

 

Back to the essence of bliss, the light everlasting and

The hand in mine.