My Hope

Lonely hearts,

collecting dust in the corner.

Words left unspoken,

Hanging like dust motes in the sunshine.

Ways left to ways,

Paths un-taken.

A love that was left behind

unused, unwanted.

Where can it go?

Is there a place for misplaced love?

A place where it  is held

and comforted

I hope so …

I Will Love Him Still

It is easy to love everyone.

Strangers are always the easiest.

We can love them from a distance,

never get too close.

I can honestly say that I wish

No one on this planet any harm,

I send my love and positive thoughts

To everyone.

I am a spiritual person and

Practice loving kindness.

It is easy to love from a distance.

It’s even easy to love casual acquaintances.

We interact in a limited way,

Smile and wish each other well in passing.

Even most friends are easy to love

We care, share and then we go home.

But the ones we love the most,

The ones who tear our hearts out, they are the hardest to love.

We love in spite of the problems,

In spite of the heartbreaks.

In spite of the disappointments,

In spite of the real person under our fantasies of love.

It takes courage to really love,

To dive in head and heart first, unaware of the depth of emotion it will cost.

Loving truly always has a price,

A price in pain, a chance to fail.

But to truly love, to get beyond all the stuff,

To push it all aside and behold the inner truth and beauty of love is well worth the effort.

He has broken my heart many times.

He has disappointed me and left me to grieve alone.

He has walked away over and over again

With “I’m sorry” flowing freely.

He doesn’t want me and yet he does.

He is afraid but tries to be fearless, he succeeds and then fails again.

He loves everyone but no one

in particular.

Yet in spite of all this, or maybe

even because of it all, I love him still.

I love him because he tries, he is honest in the moment.

He is kind and loving, in his way, and sincere.

Sometimes we have to look hard at a person

to really see them.  He is worth seeing.

I want to hold his heart in mine and

help him be all that he wants to be.

I want my love to wash over him and

take away his fears and doubts in himself and in me.

I want my hands to lead him

to a place of hope and peace.

A place where he can rest in me and not want for anything more.

Maybe someday he will let me take him there.

Maybe someday… and if not?

I will love him still.

Days End

The day ends in a

Summary of sunshine.

The drifting clouds

renew our hopes and

As we walk together in the evening breeze,

My hand finds yours.

The softness of shadows and illusions of magic at twilight

Remind us that although the road is long and sometimes difficult,

Our love, left to itself, will always bring us home,

each to the other.

Nothing More

Lavender moonshine seeps in through my window,

Loves softest color.

Silent passions smolder and

Our heart felt connection grows.

I have no need for words,

He already knows.

His eyes see through me to my soul and

Mine through him.

There is no need for others

When we are all there is.

My heart is warmed by his soul,

My body by his hands.

I  need nothing more than this love

nothing more.

A Ghost and A Spirit

So different, yet the same,

So loved and missed equally.

Why, why be given

Just to be taken back.

Better to have loved and lost?

I cannot agree.

The ghost lingers in my mind

in my soul, in my heart.

His kindness and wisdom overwhelming.

His leaving not his choice.

His love, his kisses, his arms,

heaven.

His soul vibrant and alive,

Curious and seeking, the seeker found.

His knowledge given freely but

A troubled spot existed.

What to do, how not to hurt,

how to have it all, never realized.

Taken to spare the pain of decisions ?

Possibly, but taken to soon.

Forever missed – missing what was and what

could have been.

His ghost lingers , will never fade

Will always reside in my soul.

And then the other, the spirit,

He resides in my soul as well.

My choice, not his.

He loves but doesn’t

He comes and goes

Is mine, is not.

Each day brings something new.

His love is passionate and wonderful.

I ask for nothing in return.

He may not have it to give.

He is troubled in his soul,

Tries to hide, tries to love.

Conflicted and searching.

A beautiful soul tormented, he draws me in and pushes me away.

But in spite of it all, I love his tormented soul, his powerful sexuality,

His grace and projected kindness.

But I sense frustration and darkness within him.

I could help if he would let me.

And so it continues, he comes and goes,

loves and doesn’t, wants and needs but rejects and has a place in my soul forever

A ghost and a spirit reside within me and yet sadly,

I will remain forever alone.

Nothing Less

What to write about besides love…

I am sitting and thinking…

Trying to find something but nothing else is quiet as interesting.

Sometimes I wish that were not true, but I know that it is.

Wanting and dreaming,

Hoping for him, all of him.

But what of everything else?

Does anything matter as much?

Does anything else make me feel like this?

Other things and other types of love matter, of course, but nothing is like this.

He tells me I should try to expand

My idea of love, he tells me my idea of love is too narrow,

Too defined by romantic love, He says

I need to count all the other love I am surrounded with

All the other kinds of love, not just

The man/woman love, the couples love, the romantic love.

I know he is right and I do value the other loves

In my life, my children, my friends,

My past loves and family but that kind of love is not the same,

For me not the same kind of love at all.

To give myself to him, not just emotionally but

Physically is overwhelmingly beautiful and

So very powerful. It is a physical expression of the depth of feeling

And trust I have for him, like nothing ever before, a complete surrender.

There is no need to hold back, no judgments.

All that I am I share with and give freely to him.

But then again maybe I should expand my definition of love, maybe I need to include something less than this love, less than this physical attraction between he and I but,

I don’t think I can.  For me, at least, nothing less will ever do.

Summer Evening Sadness

Summer evening sadness

Music and sand dunes.

Lonely sunsets and

Warm breezes

Stir my soul and

dry my tears.

But they return unbidden

To drownd my thoughts

In memories of you,

Your voice, your depth of soul.

The sweet music,  your music, your songs, your essence

drift by in silence filling notes.

I close my eyes and I can feel you, smell you

taste your lips against mine.

We are one in the softness of a

summer evening.

The softness of a love so deep

we can only glimpse its beginnings.

A depth so vast only

God can see, we are not strong enough.

I feel your soul rest in mine

In the summer moonlight.

One soul complementing the other until

there is no other, only one.

Come to  me my love, let the freshness of the summer ocean

clean our souls and erase the spaces between us so

Love and light is all that remains.  I love you –

do not go to that place without me, my heart would break.

Instead, echo my love, my thoughts, my words.

Take my hand and lead me to your heart soul

and love me there, please.  We have no beginning and

no end so hold me and

Remember the times of summer evening sadness, music and sand dunes.

A Love Affair

I have hopes and dreams of love.

With no pressure, no confinement.

 

How can I make him understand and trust?

How can I convince him to truly believe and feel safe?

 

I want him, I need him, I love him.

I don’t want to pressure, or expect.

 

I want to be open and welcoming, a friend of his soul.

Truly wanting in a good sense, truly loving all of him.

 

I don’t want to assume or

Make guilty.

 

I don’t know what the future brings.

I don’t know what it holds for me or him,

 

But I believe in our time together, a time with

No demands or ties – except any we choose to freely give.

 

I know love will flourish under these conditions,

Love for its purest sake, in its most intimate beauty.

 

Not for maintenance, or show

Not for convenience, or selfishness

 

But for itself.

A love to share in those most special moments together.

 

A part of a full life, he to his and

Me to mine, separate but in harmony.

 

Always with our special time and place of coming together.

Our private place of passion and warmth which may be limited in time, but never in scope.

 

A time I wouldn’t trade for anything,

I need nothing more.

 

A love affair in its truest sense,

In the way it was meant to be for him and me.

 

Maybe not in the traditional sense but in our way.

Our hours of love, of heart, of heat and passion.

 

A commitment to  our friendship, to our way of loving.

To our hearts, in our time, in our love, in our giving, one to the other.

 

Not meant to be understood by anyone else, not meant to be rated or judged.

Only for us, only for us.

Earth Smiles

To die into life,

A concept I can feel once again.

The leaves rustle in the wind and

Flowers grow and bloom in beautiful colors, they know how.

The sun rises and fuels life and

God rises and fuels love.

I can feel myself within each leaf,

Within every tree as part of its soul, its being.

A massive explosion of summer, a season of rebirth.

The land bursting forth with the love of life.

Every inch of earth covered.

Activity never ending.

Creatures of the dark, creatures of the light,

all working together, all encompassing.

I feel myself in each one of them,

some sightless under the earth, some soaring above.

The large and the small, all components

Of creation, all within me and I within them.

The forest is reaching out to me,

welcoming me home, embracing me with vibrations of spirit

The waves of acceptance have returned and

The separateness that has clouded my heart for three years is gone.

We all reside together as one and

I am thankful all is as it used to be, as it should be.

My cats’ eyes are alight with the knowing,

And the earth smiles in agreement.