A candy drawer.
Do you have one?
I do.
It’s a secret, special place,
One filled with an assortment of sweets.
The last drawer in by bureau,
The one I can reach from my bed.
It sits closed most of the time,
Filled with sugar and yummies.
It is a place that gives me permission.
What shall it be tonight?
A spice drop, bit of chocolate, or a refreshing fruity burst?
Its all up to me, every time, my choice,
Only mine.
If only life were as accommodating and approving
As my candy drawer.
This well isn’t dry,
Not yet.
I feel it stirring,
Waking up.
There is a sense of fullness in my head.
My thoughts are racing, competing, but none are clear.
They are busy working things out on their own,
Hidden from me in a misty veil
Until one, that special one, breaks through
And brings with it a flood of words.
Not from me but through me from
Behind the veil.
I can’t tell the veil when to lift,
It tells me, and after it has had its way,
Has said what it needed to say,
It slips back behind my eyes, rests and is silent.
And the words sleep and are at peace until
The stirring begins again and the veil is lifted,
Once more.
Its duality is open and alive.
Broken but still alive.
It feels tight around my heart, but runs loose in my soul.
It appears useful at times,
A burden at others.
It has been too long and
I have grown tired of its games,
Its stubbornness,
Its selfishness.
I will send it packing.
I’ll sit on the suitcase top and stuff it all in and
Then I’ll watch it drag itself down the dusty dirt road alone
With bits of colored clothing sticking out through the hinges
Until it is only a cloud of dust fading in the distance.
But when I turn to leave, to finally put it in the past where it belongs, I will see it again,
Coming back at me from the opposite direction.
And just when I thought I was done…
Seashells and wave echoes
Swirl and laugh in the emptiness behind my eyes.
I have let it go, sent it away,
Opened the lock and set it free.
This open space is vast, quiet and soft.
Wave echoes roll around the edges of my inner space
And blend with the stillness that never stands still.
There is a flow and a wash to this interior space.
A space that holds it all and more.
More me, more us,
All together in the vastness of love and peace, so come,
Kick off your shoes and dance with me.
Listen to the song of the seashells and watch,
Watch the empty space fill with us and more.
Catch the wave echoes when they come around again but
This time, this one last time,
Never let go.
It will come to me,
It always does.
Not when I expect it to
But in its own time and
By its own rules.
So I wait, and wait
Until the time is right,
The rules are followed and
We turn to each other and say,
“Hello again, I have missed you”.
The woods are still and quiet tonight.
Exhausted from growing all day,
They rest in the softness of the dark.
No demands, no impatience to grow, produce, or succeed remains.
Nothing moves tonight.
The air is heavy with dew,
Leaves hang limp on relaxed branches,
And grasses lean on each other and sleep.
Dawn will come soon and
Growth will begin again.
The fast and noisy world will awaken and
Life will continue its mission to grow but for now,
For this silent night,
All is peaceful and still,
At rest in the arms of darkness.
Star lit straw flowers and
Curled parsley sing in the garden at midnight.
The basil dances in the moonlight while
Bee balm signs to the rhythm of chirping crickets, and
the night is full of song.
But inevitably the singing bowls of fox glove announce the rising of the sun and
The symphony of the night returns to silence once again.
In the beginning, my beginning, my mind
Was my friend, my ally, my confidant, but no more.
My mind has become my enemy,
One that shares this space inside of me but cares not for my well-being.
Its thoughts turn night into day, lust into love, and want into envy.
It whispers its lies in my ear, distracting me from my truth.
I need to fight back and spend more time sitting and focusing on my
Return to that initial, eternal mind of being.
In time, when the process is complete,
My mind will return to its beginning state as my life navigator and soul companion.
Its taunting will stop, its search for drama will cease,
Its remembering of a hundred hurtful events a day will end,
And once again, as it was in the beginning,
It will be my friend.
The heavenly scent from the milkweed blossoms feeds my senses,
And the dew-soaked field sings to me in words unspoken.
The sweet summer night wind is alive with twinkling lights and
Fireflies sparkle in the humid mist, rivaling the stars.
He and I are are brought here together by light and love and once again
Drink in the sweetness of a night kissed promise.
We have no need for words in this place of wind and Chi,
And exist together in silence among the night flowers glowing with starshine.
I feel his words,
I see his emotions…
I dissolve in the star-shine with him and once again,
He and I are one with the night sky and the field of flowers.
Nothing brings him closer to me;
Nothing brings me closer to his heart.
In love we once more share the beauty of darkness
And walk together in this field of light at night,
But our time is short as the morning always comes and with it
The sun’s light to melt our magic.
So together we face the heartbreak at sunrise and say goodbye again as
The sun evaporates the dew,
Smothers my tears,
And leaves me in this place, alone.
I loved touching him,
I loved being touched.
I loved holding him,
I loved being held.
I loved kissing him,
I loved being kissed.
I loved loving him,
I loved being loved.
But he is gone
And has taken with him the
Touching,
Holding,
Kissing, and
Loving.
The once warm darkness we shared in early morning loving
Is now empty and cold.
Memories are all I have left.
My sorrow is complete.
