I must not engage…


The avoidance of my issues give them power and such avoidance, rather than being a remedy, becomes self-defeating.  The power is mine, not a power over anyone or anything else but over me, and mine alone. 


The defeat of power frees me, frees my soul and heart, and lets in joy, love and peace.  My feelings will fade with time and a lack of attention as my attention reverts back to an observation of what the human heart is capable of. I now can see the depths of self-deception to which the hearts quest for love will go.  While loving is never a bad thing, fighting my feelings is keeping the ego’s power fresh and alive causing my suffering. 


My fear is also going, but slowly, and is not being replaced by indifference but with another feeling, not sure what to call it, maybe curiosity.  I must be careful to not give in to any “mind” games that give me permission to be involved with the impossible quest and “thoughts” that I, the ego I, may be able to “fix” this.  That is not for me to do, there is no “fix”.  Becoming self-aware is the best fix as it is not a fix for anything but me.  With me is where my power lies.  The power of the eternal I AM.


So here I am, sitting looking out my back windows where the silence is deafening.  The space between the trees is the same as the space around my heart.  It is filled to overflowing, light and joy in abundance but still, I have to remain aware, aware that not growing weary is the key.  They will come, the weariness and weakness, and I must not fight back.  I need to let them come, acknowledge them and thereby take their power away, over and over again, as often as necessary.


But in spite of my best intentions, I feel hope and joy fade as quickly as they came.  I pray that each time doubt will go away more quickly but I must not rush it or over think it because that too will refuel its power.


I must be vigilant but not insistent!


To love another in this life is a bonus, not a guarantee.  To love another, to share that sacred space, the heart space, mine, is such a joy when the love is right.


The anxiety I am feeling is fear, a fear that this freedom will leave me, will stop and never return.  I must have faith in joy and peace, as it is only my ego driven thoughts that appear to take it away.


This ego has no power over the me that I Am….


But wait, the ego is strong and is fighting back, again…


I must not engage…


4 thoughts on “I must not engage…

  1. Anonymous

    This is quite the introspection M. I hope you are successful in your quest. You deserve to be loved for that person who you are. Not to be treated so callously. Fight the good fight, you will win. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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