Train whistles
On fog shrouded nights.
Rain drops on the window make
Streaks of street lights.
The scent of the warm night pavment cooled by the rain
Rises from the street and in through the third floor window.
The grass and driveway
glisten in city head lights.
Daytime’s dust and dirt are washed away.
The morning brings sunlight and blue sky.
The night rain has worked its magic.
The world is new and clean, ready to begin again.
A lifetime spent waiting.
Hurry up and wait.
Wait for what?
For everything.
wait to eat, wait to love
wait to be loved.
Wait to have enough,
Wait to give enough.
I live to love, to be.
Waiting takes time, precious time.
Time better spent living and loving,
eating and being.
wait no more, give it now,
love now, live now.
Come, take my hand, my love,
Let me show you how.
4-10-15
MC
White and yellow with
green centers, flowers of the field.
Daughters of nature to
make beautiful the hearts of love.
Softness surrounds,
Beauty overflows and light spills from their tiny faces.
Green stems uphold their joy and
reach for the warmth of the sun.
God smiles through flowers.
Turbulence of soul,
Confusion of heart.
That instant when you know
When you trust and
All else falls away.
The essence of love is all that remains.
The abandon of laughter
Of tears.
One joined with the other,
No separation, no conflicts.
A total acceptance of all there is
Of the other’s heart and soul.
To share as one
No division of being.
But it is all just a dream.
My sadness in longing for
What will never be, can never be
Because it doesn’t exist.
I am chasing an impossible dream.
Refusing to believe it can never be
In spite of proof.
Proof that human hearts will never
Live up to my longings
Not even my own.
That storybook love that takes your breath away,
That stops your heart,
That lets you lose yourself in his eyes,
I’m told it isn’t real, but
I have felt it.
How can it be just an illusion?
A one-sided dream?
Not a truth, a fairytale love,
Never to be returned. But I did find it, once
It was a wonderful, soft, warm, moment in time
When I lost myself in his eyes and let myself believe that the fantasy was real.
And it was, but only for a moment, an eternal moment.
But only one,
Only mine
One sided
Dream
It is food for my soul,
Inspiration for my work.
It fills me with the love of life,
And shows me the joy of sharing.
It is a gift to hold but
Never to keep, as it is meant to be shared.
It shapes my poems
And my dreams.
It turns my world
And dries my tears.
It helps me to trust
And teaches me to be trustworthy.
It shows me the light in the dark
And convinces me to have hope for the future.
It holds my heart
When no one else will.
It shares my pain
And cries with me in the night.
And when this life is over,
It will show me the way home
Night watch, waiting for sunrise.
The clock ticks, it is 2:30.
The world feels like a different place
At this early morning hour.
The forest sleeps, as clouds drift and
Night surrounds.
There is peace in silence,
Broken only by the hoot of an owl,
The bark of a fox and the slow
Steady breathing of my love.
His body is draped over mine
As if to hold me here, to keep me from escaping
And being lost
In another place.
A place of dreams, a place
Of memories of joy.
But he keeps me with him,
In sleep as if in love.
I long for his hands to protect me, his heart to shield me,
And as I lie awake with my longing
the owl hoots and the fox barks and
I close my eyes and melt into my love.
It should be tender and safe in his love,
I know he is capable of giving me all that he is, but he won’t.
So instead it is sad and hollow,
As I am in love, alone.
4/6/15
MC
Hope, finally hope.
A light at the end of… what?
Despair, loneliness, emptiness, or a
Self imposed punishment?
Punishment for loving so deeply
Without care or thought of the consequences.
That depth of connection and feeling,
It was all that mattered.
But then he died.
He was gone but the connection and love remained.
It turned into sorrowful resignation
All done – never again, he’s never coming back.
And when the darkness could get no deeper,
And the gaping hole in my soul
Refused to believe it would ever heal,
It came, at first just a thought,
A glimmer but
With such potential.
Showing me that it was possible
Proving that the heart has no limits
No drought of feeling.
It has the capacity to heal and
The willingness to take that chance,
Yet again, in spite of me.
The old pain will never fully heal
But now it serves as a reminder
Of the depth and power of emotion
And the pain of loss.
A pain that proves the existence of all there is
And how it can be again.
But only when belief and faith are there.
And so I continue the search, in love with love,
Never to give up,
Never to allow the despair and
Rejection stand in my way again.
Never.
11/9/14
MC
Darkness surrounds,
Light glimmers above.
The world is at peace.
Night hides the pain,
Hides the hurt,
Softens the cold,
Enriches the pleasure,
And stills the breath.
My dreams revolve
And leave me spent.
They are awash in his warmth,
Alive with his kisses.
Smothering soul, heat and passion,
Love and life,
Rolled into one.
A dream to fulfill,
A goal to meet,
A soul to graft to.
But daylight brings reality.
It crashes in and shatters my dream.
Piece fly about like shard of glass,
Cutting and slicing my heart and hands.
My armor cracks and cannot protect me,
The shards are too sharp, too strong, to fresh,
The reality to harsh
But no longer mine or his.
It belongs to another time and place,
Outsourced to someone else.
But the result is always the same, still I remain alone and bleeding
Cut to the core.
Sadness and soulfulness creep in
And linger in the corners of the room.
And as night returns the cycle begins again,
The cycle of dark and warmth, love and life,
Only to turn to pain and blood.
Alone again – always a dream,
Always just a dream.
4/4/15
MC
Sunrise lover from
Soft, warm darkness.
Light filters in at sunrise and
Rises from the floor and spreads to the ceiling.
As the room brightens, his form slowing comes into being,
Emerging from the rumpled pile of bedclothes.
Smooth, soft, dark and lovely.
I lie with him, my face resting against his.
In the half light I can just make out
His eyelashes, resting on his smooth cheek.
His noble nose is outlined by the
Light creeping in through the window.
His lips are beautiful and full,
Soft and sweet.
As the room continues to lighten,
His breathing quickens and his body stretches.
I move back just a bit
To take in his whole being.
He is strong, lean and beautiful
All I could ever want or need.
His eyes flutter open and his smile,
At seeing my face so close to his,
Is so beautiful and welcoming
As if to say he missed me while he slept.
4/3/15
MC
The trees know,
Their arms are raised in praise.
They are the silent watchers,
Keepers of God’s grace.
Witnesses to earth’s energy and
Sentinels of belief.
Living unmoving, uncomplicated lives
With a dedication to truth, they know no other way.
Their lives are lived in darkness and solitude
But with a shared purpose.
They are the keepers of the leaves,
The holders of the inner light.
Their towering strength and imposing presence
Gives voice to the wind.
They are the epitome of trust, glorious beings,
watching and waiting.
4/2/15
MC
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