Twilight Blues

Twilight, just a time of day,

The time between.

A peaceful quiet,

Time of togetherness and comfort, the end of our day, well spent.

His hand in mine, we walk the dew kissed meadow and stroll the wood line

Our bodies hold the heat of the day and our hearts are refreshed by the cool evening air.

Echoing and haunting calls of the wood thrush sing us to the house.

The warm amber light of welcome shines from the kitchen windows,

A softness of love, a refuge for us, for our hearts.

The beginning of the night, to rest , loved, in each other’s arms until morning…

But what of now,

This alone and empty now.

He has gone and the thrush calls just empty sounds,

He has taken the bird’s song with him.

Twilight time has turned sad and lonely

The loneliest part of the day.

Wet and cold is the dew covering the grass.

I have forgotten to turn on the kitchen light, again.

As the darkness of another lonely night promises to settle around my soul, I sink to my knees at the edge of the wood, where the meadow meets the trees

And sob into my hands, the tears flow and soak the ground around

me like a bitter rain.

Bitterness at loss, sadness for myself that without him I can not feel

The sweetness of this life, how the days warmth lingers on my body,

Cannot see the love of the kitchen windows,

Or marvel at the thrushes call.

Now all is dark and lonely, I pull my sweater tight to warm the chill

And rush to the dark house.

I slam the door behind me, shut out the sadness and darkness,

Ban the loneliness, quell the tears and turn my back on twilights’ pain.

Without him it has lost its magic,

As I have lost mine.

Disapointments of the Past

I think disappointment is the worst,

worse than heart break.

you really think you know him

you can feel him, smell him

when he is nowhere near.

hear his voice in your head

feel his touch in your soul.

you really think you know him.

you believe it all.

others say beware, but you know better

after all, you are the one he loves, what do the others know.

It is all so comfortable, so right, so true,

Until it isn’t.

until you realize you have been made a fool of yet again.

I don’t know which hurts more

my disappointment in him or in me.

Want is no more…

I fear the well has gone dry,

the tears are used up,

they hold no more.

pain

is replace  with hope.

fulfillment is seen  in the distance, a waiting and wanting,

a dream, a hope, but no more.  It shifts with the sand.

the dunes dissolve and rise again in heart felt power,

the power of the winds of change, destroy and rebuild,

love destroys and rebuilds.

winds come and blow it away, hope rises and the tide builds it back again.

long suffering connections, lost in love,

drowned in hope, starved with affection.

fed on the shells, husks, real

sustenance  withheld and shifting like dunes

need sinks the ship and want can hold on no more.

Magic at Midnight

Midnight, the night is deep,

Darkness complete.

Time is right, magic is in the air.

A fog of silence and forgetfulness rolls in and settles between the trees.

They creak and groan as the soil around them releases its hold and

The forest floor itself moves and then rolls away, dissolving into the fog.

Exposed roots and life bask in the dankness of the new moon as

the night creatures rise to stare in wonder at the unfamiliar sky.

The remaining soil becomes transparent and the life below is revealed.

Beds of moss hold sleeping creatures and startled owls take flight.

Another world, one of roots and life,  rocks and tunnels

A world of soft, dark, warmth and welcome.

The very place where life began, the essence of creation,

where soil and water, life and earth mixed together to hold the seeds of the future planted there.

Planting the future, with God’s hand and love until

Daylight brings the magic to an end.

Soil solidifies and

The forest floor is rolled back into place.

The underground world breaths deep and is content once again

To remain hidden, and hold its secrets close.

Safe in its disguise, all is hidden.

Magic sleeps and the owls come home to rest.

All is quiet and held in secret silence

Until that strange scent of mystery is in the air

and the fog of new moon and magic reveal

the life and love of the hidden world.

Sunday

Today my senses have been filled.

All emotions coming in their own time, in fits and

Torrents of pleasure.

Love in all its forms.

For child, grandchild, music and words.

Love for him and the sky,

And the sounds of the field.

The love of life,

God’s words in varied forms, audible and not.

Morning love and passion with

Smiles and light – caring, warm, intense and perfect.

Child and her small one, perfect complements of each other,

Hearts in line.

Wind & Chi, a field of hope and eternal gratitude for what once was and will always be,

and as i sit

the Kirtan flows and joins the gratitude of the space.

My poetry place- a joining and treasuring

of kindred sprints never met.  A wealth of beauty and positive light.

People and words to cherish and hold dear, truly a gift.

And an afternoon spent with words, books and thoughts of him

serenaded by Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto #3, too lovely for words,

Yo-Yo Ma’s cello perfection and Rufus Wainwright’s words – profound and moving.

A Sunday spent in love with life and all it holds

so simple, so easy, so right.

I am grateful to be

Just be. I need nothing more.

4/26/15

MC

State of Mind

State of Mind

Reflection of innocence.

The innocence is trapped there,

It and I are not the same.

I am not a figment of my imagination,

It is quite the opposite.

There is a separation, I now can feel it. A feeling and a knowing,

Something new for me, its time has come.

I see the space between us, feel its presence

As I watch, detached.

It is interesting to be the observer of my own mind.

To see how it skips from one thought to another.

It can not see the connections,

But I see them.

It is a study in separate togetherness.

I feel like my mind’s teacher,

Watching it grow and change,

Nudging it in the right direction.

But just like a child, it

Doesn’t always listen!

It puts up a fight, insists it is right, throws a tantrum,

And threatens to give up or run away.

I watch from a respectful distance, but still feel

Its pain, its confusion, its self-doubt.

But I never abandon it; sometimes I wish I could,

Wish I could just turn and walk away,

Leave it behind in its mess, its suffering, its drama

But its innocence and need always draw me back.

Back to hold its hand and lend my shoulder for it to cry on, after all

If I give up on it where would either of us be?

Sitting

Emptiness as fulfillment,

Void of light.

Pleadings of matter

and truth.

An isness only the small

can possess.

We had it, but now it is gone,

It may take a lifetime to get it back.

Fleeting as twilight to dawn and

Heartbeats in the night.

Sounding their worth,

longing for truth and light.

It comes in a shift,

A shift of perspective.

A physical line travels

Across my vision and I am

Transported to another place, to

Another way of being.

The emptiness becomes filled,

The darkness bright.

A space alive with currents,

Crossing and churning.

They bring me to the edge but I have not

The courage to just be, not yet.

The melodies of bliss float

Past my head and drowned my heart in their beauty.

The energy rises from my spine to

The top of my head and erupts, Kundalini awakens.

From the depths of my soul,

The wanting is cloaked in energy and light.

Sounds drift in and out, senses are

Heightened and then dulled.

The truth reveled and at once hidden again,

A puzzle solved and then broken.

I can’t hold on, the more I try

The farther away I am.

It fades with the wanting,

It recedes with the clinging.

The physical line shifts back,

Travels across my field of vision and is gone.

My eyes slowly open and take in

The alter in front of me without seeing.

Buddha sits, lotus candles flicker, Quan Yin holds the vase, and

Jiso waits to bless.

The singing bowl starts to hum on its own, and the

Room vibrates with its energy.

As the vibrations fade back into silence,

The Lotus goes dark and Buddha sleeps.

The emptiness is once again empty and

The light has faded to gray.

But my soul holds back and keeps another small grain of truth

Each time I make this journey.

And the grains will come together and build until someday,

Maybe someday, I will be whole.

A Season of Growth

Translucent fresh green fir branches

In morning angled sunlight.

Winter’s leftovers scattered in

Shaded patches of snow.

Flatten forest litter, autumn’s evidence blended with

The woodland floor, the stage is set for the next act.

Fresh green pachysandra shows first through the

Dried leaves, a promise of the greening to come.

The cool breeze stops for a second and my body is instantly

Warmed by the sun, from the inside out.

The Dark trunks and branches now etched across the sky

Will soon be hidden by a torrent of green to remain

Hidden away until autumn revels the bones.

The roar of the falls is back,

The encasement of ice has melted and the

Water and sound flow freely once more.

Open spring evening windows let in the

Voice of falls and peepers, owls and fox.

It is the sound track of the season of birth and growth, begun in

Earnest almost as if it knows of its time is limited in the cycle of seasons.

A short time of fevered growth, life shared and reproduced.

A lifetime in a season, until the year’s circle revolves and

The long time of quiet, white, rest

Returns again.

Meeting in Darkness

Souls meeting in darkness

And passion.

Sweetness in acceptance, a perfect fit,

The essence of man and woman, as it is meant to be.

No drama, no pretense,

Just truth and faith.

Truth in what we feel and faith

That all will be as is it meant to be.

The night is full and twilight

Is sweet and sensuous.

Morning comes and he leaves, again.

But this time there is no sorrow in parting, as it is only “goodbye, for now”.

I know he will return when the time is right

And the darkness is soft.

His scent lingers in my bed and his hands

Have left handprints of heat on my skin that warm my heart long after he is gone.

There is no place in my life or heart for drama, as I am tired of it all,

There is only room for love and acceptance.

Acceptance of the fact that the time he gives to me and the time I give to him

Will remain ours and only ours forever and

That special, unique part of us that we share,

Expressed in whispered words of passion and caring

Will never be given to anyone else.

It is ours alone, no matter what the future brings.

And so in time, the passion will begin again

And it will be as if it had never ended.

4/21/14

MC