The silence of midnight
The silence of wanting.
Dark time, soft
With sadness.
A scent, a look, a memory,
Almost enough.
I long for that touch
That voice, that look.
It fills the night, turns the silence of longing
Into loving and giving.
The soft sadness replaced with his touch
His hand to hold.
His kiss to make mine
A light in the darkness but
Never to keep.
Soul searching,
What will I find?
The truth or just
My version of it.
What do i want from him?
For him to be what I want?
How unfair, how bizarre.
A stuffed animal in the corner
Would have as much soul,
one of my making.
Knotted ropes
slug round the edges.
Tethered to trees,
Tethered to hearts.
A mix of emotions,
Strong and weak.
Inappropriate in this need,
Soul grazing.
Fueling my heart,
But with false wants.
Irrational needs,
to much to hope for.
I want it all, now
before it is too late
Before life is over and
I have lost.
The chances are over, nothing is left
I have missed it.
I want to love.
To love and be loved now.
I have waited far to long already,
But the hope fades
The darkness wins and
I am no more.
4/15
MC
Is he real or just a thought,
Just a beautiful thought.
A real flesh and blood man, or just my
Projection of what I have always hoped for.
Oh but real he is, my mind could not make this up.
It is beyond thought, beyond truth.
His eyes look into my soul
And carry me to places I have never been.
His kisses turn me inside out
And leave me breathless.
His hands hold my heart and
Caress my thoughts.
His sexual power is limitless,
And his lovemaking magical.
He is a man of spirit and light,
Kindness and love.
A talent and a gift with a
Soul of tenderness.
The world stands still when
We are together and time ceases to exist.
This way is my acceptance, my choice
My rules, and my sacrifice.
I can change my expectations,
But not my feelings.
There are some things that will never change,
Never cease to be a part of me, and my love for him is one of those things.
And what of that? Is it a sorry fate,
An overwhelming sadness, it could be but
It is not, instead it is a love with no bounds, no bonds, no limits, no lies, no guilt.
Just tenderness, and belief, a belief in each other and mutual respect.
I recently read a definition of the term relationship. “A relationship is a heart searching for a home and longing looking for a place to be”.
My heart has been searching for years and has finally
found a home,
But the door is shut.
The longing can see in through the windows,
but they are all broken.
So I will accept this and will sit and hold my heart,
and cradle my longing, while waiting for time to stop again and
for his eyes to carry me to those places
where the door is always open, and the windows whole.
Train whistles
On fog shrouded nights.
Rain drops on the window make
Streaks of street lights.
The scent of the warm night pavment cooled by the rain
Rises from the street and in through the third floor window.
The grass and driveway
glisten in city head lights.
Daytime’s dust and dirt are washed away.
The morning brings sunlight and blue sky.
The night rain has worked its magic.
The world is new and clean, ready to begin again.
A lifetime spent waiting.
Hurry up and wait.
Wait for what?
For everything.
wait to eat, wait to love
wait to be loved.
Wait to have enough,
Wait to give enough.
I live to love, to be.
Waiting takes time, precious time.
Time better spent living and loving,
eating and being.
wait no more, give it now,
love now, live now.
Come, take my hand, my love,
Let me show you how.
4-10-15
MC
White and yellow with
green centers, flowers of the field.
Daughters of nature to
make beautiful the hearts of love.
Softness surrounds,
Beauty overflows and light spills from their tiny faces.
Green stems uphold their joy and
reach for the warmth of the sun.
God smiles through flowers.
Turbulence of soul,
Confusion of heart.
That instant when you know
When you trust and
All else falls away.
The essence of love is all that remains.
The abandon of laughter
Of tears.
One joined with the other,
No separation, no conflicts.
A total acceptance of all there is
Of the other’s heart and soul.
To share as one
No division of being.
But it is all just a dream.
My sadness in longing for
What will never be, can never be
Because it doesn’t exist.
I am chasing an impossible dream.
Refusing to believe it can never be
In spite of proof.
Proof that human hearts will never
Live up to my longings
Not even my own.
That storybook love that takes your breath away,
That stops your heart,
That lets you lose yourself in his eyes,
I’m told it isn’t real, but
I have felt it.
How can it be just an illusion?
A one-sided dream?
Not a truth, a fairytale love,
Never to be returned. But I did find it, once
It was a wonderful, soft, warm, moment in time
When I lost myself in his eyes and let myself believe that the fantasy was real.
And it was, but only for a moment, an eternal moment.
But only one,
Only mine
One sided
Dream
It is food for my soul,
Inspiration for my work.
It fills me with the love of life,
And shows me the joy of sharing.
It is a gift to hold but
Never to keep, as it is meant to be shared.
It shapes my poems
And my dreams.
It turns my world
And dries my tears.
It helps me to trust
And teaches me to be trustworthy.
It shows me the light in the dark
And convinces me to have hope for the future.
It holds my heart
When no one else will.
It shares my pain
And cries with me in the night.
And when this life is over,
It will show me the way home
Night watch, waiting for sunrise.
The clock ticks, it is 2:30.
The world feels like a different place
At this early morning hour.
The forest sleeps, as clouds drift and
Night surrounds.
There is peace in silence,
Broken only by the hoot of an owl,
The bark of a fox and the slow
Steady breathing of my love.
His body is draped over mine
As if to hold me here, to keep me from escaping
And being lost
In another place.
A place of dreams, a place
Of memories of joy.
But he keeps me with him,
In sleep as if in love.
I long for his hands to protect me, his heart to shield me,
And as I lie awake with my longing
the owl hoots and the fox barks and
I close my eyes and melt into my love.
It should be tender and safe in his love,
I know he is capable of giving me all that he is, but he won’t.
So instead it is sad and hollow,
As I am in love, alone.
4/6/15
MC
Hope, finally hope.
A light at the end of… what?
Despair, loneliness, emptiness, or a
Self imposed punishment?
Punishment for loving so deeply
Without care or thought of the consequences.
That depth of connection and feeling,
It was all that mattered.
But then he died.
He was gone but the connection and love remained.
It turned into sorrowful resignation
All done – never again, he’s never coming back.
And when the darkness could get no deeper,
And the gaping hole in my soul
Refused to believe it would ever heal,
It came, at first just a thought,
A glimmer but
With such potential.
Showing me that it was possible
Proving that the heart has no limits
No drought of feeling.
It has the capacity to heal and
The willingness to take that chance,
Yet again, in spite of me.
The old pain will never fully heal
But now it serves as a reminder
Of the depth and power of emotion
And the pain of loss.
A pain that proves the existence of all there is
And how it can be again.
But only when belief and faith are there.
And so I continue the search, in love with love,
Never to give up,
Never to allow the despair and
Rejection stand in my way again.
Never.
11/9/14
MC
heartwordsforpoetry 