It was just a game,
But it was all we had.
The rules were written as we went along.
He lead, I followed.
Everything changed from week to week
But always stayed the same.
The music played to fit the game and
Players changed with the tunes.
I never doubted in the moment,
Only in the absence, and it seemed to always be the time of absence.
The reality of the missing would come to me
Before the leaving.
I would rest my head on his chest
Listening to his heartbeat.
I would try to hold him inside me, all of him,
In each fleeting moment and then he was gone.
Once again reality would return to embrace the void, and
The long anticipated fulfillment became just another memory.
Then came the waiting for his
Footsteps on the wooden porch,
The rattling of the outer door,
And the bells ringing on the inside.
I knew it was just a game, his game,
But it was all I had.