The white-hot anger
Has begun to fade.
It is fading to an
A perpetual reminder,
A caution flag.
Reminding me to beware
To stay strong and protective of my heart.
I am still in shock
Shocked and dismayed over his
Ability to deceive, manipulate and then
Attempt to justify his actions.
He claims to accept responsibility but it what way?
Does he apologize?
Does he express remorse or compassion
For the hearts he has destroyed and crushed, hers and mine?
No, he turns the situation into a dramatic opportunity, an excuse to project himself as a victim, a victim of his own deceptions.
He texts me and she in the dead of night to call us angels and
To tell us he would die without our intervention.
As if we and everyone around him exist solely for his
Benefit, again, as always, it is all about him.
The level of his hypocrisy and continued self-delusion
He seems to think we can protect him from himself.
It is a sad and deluded state in which he exists.
The other woman, the one he lead me to believe was a psycho bitch, is in
Actuality a lovely and loving beautiful soul.
He says there has been drama with her in their past
And now that I know his truth and see what he really is
Any drama that may have occurred is totally understandable.
If his guitar had been available this weekend, I would have run it over with my truck!
The irony of this situation
His cries in the night for love and acceptance no longer
Move the hearts of the two women who truly do love him.
His lies and manipulation have destroyed
What he wanted and what we were willing to give to him.
This situation has drained both she and I physically and emotionally.
So my new friend, it is time to put it and him away.
Time to try and fill his space in our hearts
With other joys, joys that will not disappoint and betray us.
Be kind to yourself and fill your life and heart with all that you love and
All who love you and I will try and do the same.
Hopefully we will both soon find other hearts willing and able to love and cherish ours
In a way that he is incapable of.
I feel sorry for him but sorry in a strong way, not as a weakness that will enable him
To ease his way back into my heart, soul and bed.
Sorry in a way that will allow me to feel compassion for him
And his sorry state of being,
In a way that will allow me to be hopeful that someday he will understand himself and
Will stop trying to manipulate those around him and will just let things be as they should.
A time when he will be comfortable enough within himself and love himself enough
To truly be able to love another.
A time when he will recognize and accept with an open and true heart the
Joy he has spent a lifetime looking for and will understand and see that
It is a joy he has already been given by a number of good and kind women but one he
Has betrayed each and every time.
Maybe that knowledge and truth will prevent him from doing it yet again,
One can only hope.