One Can Only Hope

The white-hot anger

Has begun to fade.

 

It is fading to an

Orange glow

 

A perpetual reminder,

A caution flag.

 

Reminding me to beware

To stay strong and protective of my heart.

 

I am still in shock

Shocked and dismayed over his

 

Ability to deceive, manipulate and then

Attempt to justify his actions.

 

He claims to accept responsibility but it what way?

Does he apologize?

 

Does he express remorse or compassion

For the hearts he has destroyed and crushed, hers and mine?

 

No, he turns the situation into a dramatic opportunity, an excuse to project himself as a victim, a victim of his own deceptions.

 

He texts me and she in the dead of night to call us angels and

To tell us he would die without our intervention.

 

As if we and everyone around him exist solely for his

Benefit, again, as always, it is all about him.

 

The level of his hypocrisy and continued self-delusion

Is staggering.

 

He seems to think we can protect him from himself.

It is a sad and deluded state in which he exists.

 

The other woman, the one he lead me to believe was a psycho bitch, is in

Actuality a lovely and loving beautiful soul.

 

He says there has been drama with her in their past

And now that I know his truth and see what he really is

 

Any drama that may have occurred is totally understandable.

If his guitar had been available this weekend, I would have run it over with my truck!

 

The irony of this situation

Astounds me.

 

His cries in the night for love and acceptance no longer

Move the hearts of the two women who truly do love him.

 

His lies and manipulation have destroyed

What he wanted and what we were willing to give to him.

 

This situation has drained both she and I physically and emotionally.

So my new friend, it is time to put it and him away.

 

Time to try and fill his space in our hearts

With other joys, joys that will not disappoint and betray us.

 

Be kind to yourself and fill your life and heart with all that you love and

All who love you and I will try and do the same.

 

Hopefully we will both soon find other hearts willing and able to love and cherish ours

In a way that he is incapable of.

 

I feel sorry for him but sorry in a strong way, not as a weakness that will enable him

To ease his way back into my heart, soul and bed.

 

Sorry in a way that will allow me to feel compassion for him

And his sorry state of being,

 

In a way that will allow me to be hopeful that someday he will understand himself and

Will stop trying to manipulate those around him and will just let things be as they should.

 

A time when he will be comfortable enough within himself and love himself enough

To truly be able to love another.

 

A time when he will recognize and accept with an open and true heart the

Joy he has spent a lifetime looking for and will understand and see that

 

It is a joy he has already been given by a number of good and kind women but one he

Has betrayed each and every time.

 

Maybe that knowledge and truth will prevent him from doing it yet again,

One can only hope.

 

 

4 thoughts on “One Can Only Hope

  1. This is so on point M. I think we are living parallel lives….Though I don’t think S would call me an angel, lol. But I feel like you, compassion for his dysfunction and hope he will take this time to overcome it. At this age, there isn’t a lot of time to waste anymore. My anger is tempered now with love, but he’ll never get that, that I can love him and not want him in my life. I hope for him, and for Rodney. It is their own lives they waste, we will recover and grow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like the way this piece progressed. It went from this bitter rant to this beautiful poem of forgiveness. I don’t know if this is inspired by real events or is purely fictional, but it’s very strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, unfortunately, it is inspired by the man I love who is not who or what I thought he was, a very sad situation, one that I will not get over easily, but my writing helps… thank you for reading Michelle

      Like

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