My Love is such sadness.

It lives in my tears,

In my pain,

In my wants and needs.

My love hopes and dreams,

Longs and pleads.

It is an emotion

Twisted by fate.

But with no coincidences and

No mistakes.

It has a life of its own

It grows and dies.

It lives and breathes

And suffocates my heart.

Sometimes it is warm and tender

Sometimes cold and hard.

It speaks to my soul in tender words

And then destroys me with silence.

My love expects too much

And settles for too little.

It betrays me at times,

And then returns home, head hanging in shame.

It gives itself away

Without my permission

And then in stubborn rebellion

Withholds itself even from me.

Such a convoluted emotion

With a will of its own

And a determination to survive at all costs in spite of me

And sometimes because of me.

But it always remains hopeful,

Waiting to be shared.

Wanting to be accepted and returned in kind,

maybe someday, I tell it, maybe…

What is different,

This time from the last?

Same hearts and souls.

Same bodies and minds.

But different intentions,

A shift in perspective, mine.

Needs are the same,

Wants the same too.

But the same love?

Perhaps not.

I am afraid to ask,

I don’t want to know.

The answer may

Destroy my illusions.

But this time there is no one to blame but me

As I am the only one who loves.

My heart and soul will have to survive with

Only as much as he freely gives, without question.

It was my choice,

My decision to make and I have made it.

My mind becomes good at hiding from itself and

Seeing only what it wants to believe.

A kind of sad resignation

Of what is and an acceptance

That this is all it will be.

Stolen moments when the world stands still.

When my heart joins with his and for those few hours

We are all that exist, all that matters.

And in that moment,

As he cradles my body and heart in his arms,

His eyes see through me to my soul

And he knows and understands.

Our connection is complete and

Nothing is more beautiful or more right.

But in the end, the morning always comes again and

With bad coffee and breakfast pie, he is gone.

The longing and loving and wanting begins anew

As if it had never been fulfilled.

Until the next time,

When the world stands still, again.

3/29/15

MC

You are just the right size, my love

In every way…

Shoulders wider,

Chest fuller.

Narrow hips and

Just a bit taller.

We were made from the

Same clay, you and I.

Not so much as copies but complements

Of each other.

Made in his likeness,

In his heart.

This union is made of memories reclaimed from the past.

A connection formed over time, not created anew.

A past together that was

Lost and then found.

A perfect fit.

3/15

MC

It changes by the minute, oscillates freely.

Shifts in path, no course, no direction.

It floats and drifts,

But never leaves.

Soft at times it understands,

Hard at others it doesn’t.

It takes me on day trips into night where

Dreams are shadowed by doubt.

It beats with my heart in faith,

And finds truth in unexpected places.

It rockets to heaven,

Then sleeps at my feet.

It turns with the tide,

And makes me crazy.

It screams to me in the night,

Then smiles to me at daybreak.

It holds me close but still

pushes me away.

It is fickle and tough,

Stingy and old.

It knows no past,

Hopes no future but

glides between our hearts

binding us one to the other

and becomes all there is.

3/15

MC

My seeping eyes reflect

Twilight’s shadows.

Footsteps unseen in the rain and sorrow’s river drips and falls and

Leaves no trace of sorrow’s pain.

The day breaks with stark white light and cleaves my heart as

Only in shadow does the hope remain.

Reality’s light seals his fate.

To be, to stand and weep no more, his hand to brush away the pain.

To be is all that stands between us as

Sorrow steals its icy grip and seeping eyes are still.

2/12

MC

The shadow of Buddha on the wall

Surrounded by plants and candles

Marking a place of love and light

Passion and togetherness.

Alone in his solitary isolation

Sitting and watching, always watching.

White bed covers and soft music surround my body

As he surrounds my heart.

If only it could be that simple.

As simple as light and shadow

As simple as yes or no

On or off, now or never.

If only…

3/15

MC

Night cries in darkness

Sounds of the soul.

Draped in velvet as

Songs sung in whispers

Floating between the night trees.

Silent, invisible swirls of spirit

Mingling with my mind and

Illuminating my soul.

I lie down on the moss and

Seep into the earth

Becoming one with the trees and

The night sky.

Distance dissolves and everything exists

At the same point in time and space.

A singularity of spirit and soul,

Human and Devine.

Never to be separated, never to be

Lost, one from the other.

Home at last.

3/15

MC