October nights of one sided love and two sided lust,

To be the last, unknown, three months ago…

 

And if I had know,

Would it have been any different?

 

Not for him, I know, but

For me, probably.

 

His loving is so powerful,

My surrender to him was so complete,

 

In mind and soul for me but for him

In body only.

 

Why do I hold these dates in my heart?

My head wants to forget, but my heart just wants.

 

Most days now I can stop myself from thinking about it but on dates

That bring back events, the same old longings take over.

 

My mind tells me so, but

My heart says stop thinking, beware,

 

The mind is not to be trusted,

If you listen, it will take all the progress back

 

And it will leave you in the shallows yet again.

It doesn’t care where you end up as long as it gets its way.

 

It must have learned from him.

 

Forget the dates, forget the sighs my heart feels,

The words my mind repeats and breathe.

 

I need to return to my stillness and

Eckhart’s words on days like today and

 

Just be.