Hurt, Love and Hate

On By MiCoIn heartbreak, love, poetry

How do I balance the hurt, hate and love

The betrayal of my soul, the disregard for my heart.

I feel like the rock just below the surface of the river water

Just below the air, my lungs ready to burst with want and need,

Just inches above it is clear,

Hope just out of my reach.

I wish wishful thinking could make it true, I wish your heart could beat with mine and

Know the pain you have caused.

I can’t hate you for loving someone else but this

Physical and emotional betrayal was so unexpected, so cold, it is love turned to lies.

I can’t image why you thought it was alright, but I guess you had

No thoughts for anyone but you, only what you wanted, what you needed.

Your tears can’t wash this one away,

They can no longer cleanse the mud from my heart.

You can’t take back your actions and

Your cruel indifference,

You can’t stitch up my heart and hide it back in my chest, where no one will see, no one will know what you’ve done…

Not this time, my heart won’t let you in spite of what I might think or say.

It’s other half is missing.

You took me to your bed last week and made me feel like a queen, like I was the only one,

You went to her bed this week…

I hope you realize that you have destroyed an honest, loving heart

With your dishonesty and practiced indifference.

Indifference is as abusive as a punch in my face would have been

Except that it hurts more.

All of this is so unnecessary, so wrong, so unfair

So much pain, my reward for loving you so much.

17 thoughts on “Hurt, Love and Hate”

  1. Oh Michelle ((((((((hugs))))))). I honestly believe it’s the indifference that hurts most. Your emotions are probably all over the place at the moment – sadness / anger / missing him and then back round again. Just take it an hour, or even a minute, at a time.

    I promise you, you *will* get through this, and please remember that you’re not alone.

    Sending big hugs and much love and strength. ❤ Holding you close in my heart. x

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  2. Oh, my dear … I hope this is just some poem you wrote for writing sake … If that is not the case, I wish you all the best in everything you do and hoping that you are on the way to healing as well. Hold on there and have faith. There are many reasons we cannot understand why certain things happened, hoping that you are recovering from all of this …

    *HUGS*

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    1. Thanks for your comforting words, unfortunately, this is true, he told me yesterday that he had slept with his ex… I am devastated and just want to curl up in a ball and die, but I won’t, I’m stronger than that but right now…. 😦

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      1. Geeezzz … I’ve been down that road before … It hurts … My ex slept with my own best friend, well, ex-bff now. That was like what, probably 18 years ago and it still hurts … I always hope for sure that this does not happen to me ever again …

        Stay strong, my dear! Hold on there. *HUG*

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      2. That is just awful for you, what the hell is wrong with these men…. I know not all men are like this but I really never expected himto do this to me, I thought so much better of him than this… such a disappointment on top of the hurt…

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      3. The same thing I thinked years ago. I did asked my ex if I did something wrong or if I don’t do good enough for him. But that was never the problem. You know what he told me? That I am too good for him and he needs something new, something different. So what? I am a boring good wife for him? It hurts back then and it hurts still … *sigh*

        Now, after 2 years with that woman, he quitted because she is more the live-free kind of a woman, who wants her own life and be single. She does not want a relation at all and she does not want any serious commitment where else he wants her to be HIS WOMAN. Served him right! And he expected me to have him return in my arms? I said go to hell and live your life elsewhere.

        But that pain lingers still in my mind from time to time … some things of the past cannot be forgotten …

        I hope you are doing fine, my dear. If anything, just message me.

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      4. Thank you Sherrie, your words are very helpful… I can’t wait to get to that place when I can look at him and not crumble and cry…a time when I can throw out his shirt, tear up his pictures and break his Songs cd in half.. this all just happened yesterday so I’m not ready for all that just yet… may take a long time, I just don’t know….

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      5. Hah! The things I did was broke down all his lovely trophies and burned all his fav. magazines. I purposely drew out loads of money and saved it. Hah!

        I was so mad enough to throw the suitcases down the river which forced him to buy new stuffs for himself.

        Oh, dear … I am sorry that you are hurt. But you know, there are reasons why things happened now. Perhaps better now than you knowing it too late. I guessed, that the Lord wants to show you He is guarding you all the while … and showed you the true person behind that mask, you know …

        That is what exactly what I told my ex, “I am grateful that I am not with you today. My life was better and I am happy.” 😛

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  3. That is funny, you threw his suitcases in the river! Good one 🙂 I’m sure a day will come when I may be happy I’m not with him but if it does, I know it will take a very long time. I waited a long time (7 years alone) to allow myself to love again, guess I didn’t wait long enough…

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    1. Many people will not going to tell you the truth because they do not want to hurt more of your feelings. But you know, true friends will tell you the truth in their own ways. But I tell you, yes, it will takes a longer time to heal. But the way to healing is worth it and along the way you shall learn a lot of incredible things that might helps you to understand and you shall gather loads of life lessons and both wisdom.

      It took me long time to heal and I am still on the way to healing, anyway. Life is never easy, but then I never want to choose the smooth road, anyway. I still, would rather chose the shaky road with tons of stones under my feet. I know I learned a lot and these things I used it today as my greatest weapon. And it has built and gives me strength too.

      I wish you all the best, my dear. I know I understand you much.

      **HUGS**

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