It changes by the minute, oscillates freely.

Shifts in path, no course, no direction.

 

It floats and drifts,

But never leaves.

 

Soft at times it understands,

Hard at others it doesn’t.

 

It takes me on day trips into night where

Dreams are shadowed by doubt.

 

It beats with my heart in faith,

And finds truth in unexpected places.

 

It rockets to heaven,

Then sleeps at my feet.

 

It turns with the tide,

And makes me crazy.

 

It screams to me in the night,

Then smiles to me at daybreak.

 

It holds me close but still

pushes me away.

 

It is fickle and tough,

Stingy and old.

 

It knows no past,

Hopes no future but

 

glides between our hearts

binding us one to the other

 

and becomes all there is.

 

3/15

MC

My seeping eyes reflect

Twilight’s shadows.

 

Footsteps unseen in the rain and sorrow’s river drips and falls and

Leaves no trace of sorrow’s pain.

 

The day breaks with stark white light and cleaves my heart as

Only in shadow does the hope remain.

 

Reality’s light seals his fate.

To be, to stand and weep no more, his hand to brush away the pain.

 

To be is all that stands between us as

Sorrow steals its icy grip and seeping eyes are still.

2/12

MC

The shadow of Buddha on the wall

Surrounded by plants and candles

Marking a place of love and light

Passion and togetherness.

Alone in his solitary isolation

Sitting and watching, always watching.

White bed covers and soft music surround my body

As he surrounds my heart.

If only it could be that simple.

As simple as light and shadow

As simple as yes or no

On or off, now or never.

If only…

3/15

MC

Night cries in darkness

Sounds of the soul.

Draped in velvet as

Songs sung in whispers

Floating between the night trees.

Silent, invisible swirls of spirit

Mingling with my mind and

Illuminating my soul.

I lie down on the moss and

Seep into the earth

Becoming one with the trees and

The night sky.

Distance dissolves and everything exists

At the same point in time and space.

A singularity of spirit and soul,

Human and Devine.

Never to be separated, never to be

Lost, one from the other.

Home at last.

3/15

MC

Come my love and take my hand, lead me

Through the simmering summer heat

To the dark softness of the

Shaded forest.

Ferns erupt from the

Moss covered earth

And the fragrance of dark soil

Pervades and surrounds my senses

As you surround my heart.

Take me through the woods

Through time and space

to a softer place.

A place to share love, trust and life.

Lay me down among the arms of the stream

Where it welcomes our heated bodies

With its cool, smooth water.

You lie with me and kiss the water from my eyes

As it runs in rivulets over my shoulders and across my body.

Your hands are warm on my body

In contrast to my water-cooled skin.

As we become one from two we

Blend into the flow of the stream

As inseparable as the individual drops

Are from the ripples our bodies make in the water.

Our union of joy becomes as integral a part of nature as the blue sky above

And the gold speckled stream bottom beneath us.

Nakedness of bodies becomes

Nakedness of souls, nothing hidden, nothing false.

Our hands stay linked together as our passion

Warms the air around us.

Steam rises from our skin as the sun’s rays

Dry our water sprinkled bodies.

The contrast of light and dark plays out between us

And mimics the light of the sky and dark of the shaded forest around us.

Both are beautiful in their simplicity and

Are the complement of one another.

Our passion is unending and all-inclusive

Perfect in its symmetry and balance.

Man and woman, two sides of the same equation

A world in balance – perfect.

3/15/15

MC

 

Why should I doubt my feelings?

Why should I think

 

I have no right to feel this way?

Such nonsense, I have every right.

 

My right to love was born with me.

How can there be no rightness in this love,

 

Right has nothing to do with it,

No place in this loving.

 

No voice in why,

Love is, just is.

 

Tender moments,

Capped in silence.

 

The Soft silky texture

Of loving,

 

Smooth, beautiful hands

Caressing my face.

 

His touch leaves its trace

On my cheeks and in my soul.

 

Time seems to deepen the wound,

Not heal.

 

Moments of early morning confusion

Bring stolen moments of comfort,

 

Until realty dawns again

And the pain begins anew.

 

9/12/12

MC

Thank you my sisters, my we’moon.

My light was dim,

And you rallied.

My heart was hurt,

And you held me up.

I was lost in sorrow,

And you smiled and encouraged.

Your prayers and thoughts

Floated to me on wings of silk,

A soft touch but some hard truths,

Hard to hear, and hard to speak, but

All in the name of love.

I love too hard,

I love too completely but

It is the only way I know how to love.

Some would say I have to learn to hold back, to not give it all,

But if my love is given to the right man,

There is no need for limits, no need to hold back.

Such action would be a lie

Against all that I know.

Such ways are others, not mine.

I thought he was the one.

I thought he could handle my love;

He can’t and I am sad for him.

But I am tired of all of this.

I am tired of thinking,

Of caring, of crying.

I am tired of wanting and watching,

of loving and hurting,

Of waiting for someone else to want.

There is wanting but no love,

Loving is a choice, for some, for him but

For me, there is no choice.

It may never be and that is a sadness

I must live with, a sadness

To be lost in another time

In another place,

Another life,

Another love.

But lost, nonetheless.

I would be gone, lost in confusion and sadness

If not for my we’moon,

The sisters of my soul and daughters of my body.

The true loves of my life,

Goddesses all.

Lovers of life and light

Never to flicker or fade

Never to abandon.

Trustworthy and strong.

Keepers of my soul and heart, the embodiment of caring,

of faithfulness and understanding.

Thank you my sisters, my daughters

My we’moon

My loves

3/5/15

I write what I feel in the moment.

Some moments I hate you,

I want to hurt you, punish you for my pain.

And a moment later,

I want to hold you and

Never let you go.

One moment I feel I will love you forever.

The next I am relieved that I don’t care anymore.

Sometimes I can’t picture your face.

Other times it is all I can see.

My heart races at the sound of your name,

My eyes fill with tears at the sound of your voice.

My heartbeats surrender to your will and

My body longs for your touch.

I have met other men,

Some are interested and interesting.

Some days I think I can,

Maybe it will help.

But reality always comes crashing in,

I can’t, it would be a lie, but

In the dark maybe I could pretend,

Only feel what I want to,

Only see your face instead of his.

But the pleasure would be missing,

Nonexistent, I’m not an actress,

He would know, I would know, unfair, unkind, not me.

So I don’t, I didn’t, and I tell them I can’t,

I haven’t the heart.

They understand

And are gone.

So the moments of loving

The moments of hating continue, interchangeable.

Rising and falling like tides pulled by the moon.

Heart strings pulled by fate.

Will it change soon, settle down,

But into what?

A monochromatic blend of both

And with what result?

Even tempered, even toned and bland

A life and soul devoid of emotion.

I want to break my rules and tell you

That I want to see you, to hold you, to love you,

But I am afraid; afraid you will say no, again

And the pain will be refreshed or

You will say yes and I will drownd in you

No hope of survival,

The surrender will be complete

And I will be lost.

So the moments continue to oscillate

6 weeks turns into 6 months

Into 6 years, into a lifetime of love

And loss and missed chances.

Dreams and hopes unfulfilled

But profound in their tenderness.

That connection, even across the distance of time and space

Remains all there is.

What is it with my heart?

Doesn’t it understand?

I said I was done.

I can’t have what I want and need.

Besides, he is no good for me,

He just used me and threw me away.

So what about all that doesn’t

It understand?

There seems to be a separation,

Me from it, just as my thoughts are from the inner me.

A disconnect,

It has a mind of its own.

“I’m not going there,

I can’t take any more”, I told it.

“Oh yes you can” it tells me,

“You want him, you need him…you know I’m right”

“NO, I can’t… it hurts too much”, but my heart just shakes its head and laughs.

Why doesn’t it listen to me!

Why doesn’t it stop?

Why can’t I stop it, it is mine, after all, shouldn’t I be in charge?

But when I try to take charge, it beats and cries

And slams itself against the bars.

It threatens to stop, to skip town

And leave me behind.

“But I can’t follow you any more”, I tell it,

“You are not to be trusted”.

But still it doesn’t listen and takes me where I shouldn’t go

And then leaves me there alone.

It runs away with me to magical places

That only exists in its mind and makes me hope and want.

And when it is time to come back to the real world,

When the wanting and hoping haven’t worked yet again,

It cries and pleads to stay in the arms of magic,

It doesn’t want to go home, doesn’t want to give up.

And as I drag it along, kicking and screaming,

It curses me for my neglect and disbelief.

So I have to explain yet again that we can’t win, he said no and so

Together, my heart and me, we go home, and mourn and cry and hope and dream,

And hold each other tight,

But we never give up.

3/15

MC

Embrace the feminine,

Rejoin the world of light and shadow.

My sisters await,

I have been gone too long.

But they are patient, their rhythmic drumming continues,

A call for wisdom to those who have come before.

The drums awaken in our souls the

Primal sounds of life.

Listen to the crows cry in morning

Listen to the night sounds resonate with the vibrations of life.

Brook and sky

Flow together in harmony.

My soul reunites with my heart.

My place is remembered and rejoined.

My heart is endless, and knows no time or place,

It retains a place for him.

He who completes the connection,

Body and soul as no other can.

But I have learned, that to desert myself,

To love so completely that I lose myself

Is not what it is meant to be.

My love must complement who I am

Not become who I am.

My love for him is eternal,

It takes up no space and has no limits but

I will not allow it to consume me.

If only he could know, could feel as I do,

Our love would be as it was intended, the connection would be complete.

The space between us would dissolve into vapor and

We would be one in harmony with earth and sky.

Together

And the crows would cry at sunrise

And the night sounds would resonate with the sound of my sisters singing and drumming in celebration of light and love, love as it should be.

2/11/15

MC