I am learning, I am trying
That 10% is so hard to take, sometimes.
In the night of longing, of troubled soul
I was shown the truth, the why …
I have loved, but not in the way I should
I have loved what I wanted, not what was before me
So now I am trying, to love you as you are, and
Not who I want you to be.
I have no expectations (90% of the time)
There is love because there is, and not for what
I will get in return, but still
Some days I am sad, that 10% brings me down,
It turns me around, clouds my mind with questions
With doubts, mostly with fear
It yells in my head… where are you? why don’t you call? who are you with?
Have you forgotten me? why? why? why? So many fears…
It threatens to tear me apart, make me do stupid things, things I’ll regret,
But now at least I understand it more, I can taste the deceit it poisons me with
I can see it for what it is, another obstacle to overcome, one that
Blocks my way to true freedom and peace.
So I will keep trying, keep listening and truly hearing
I don’t want to lose again,
I don’t want to watch you walk away,
Because I have pushed you away, unable to stop myself.
I tell myself the 10% has to go, but then again, maybe it shouldn’t, maybe it serves a purpose.
A reminder to me of how poisonous that way of thinking is.
Be patient with me, my lover. I know
The book and his words will work their magic and
That 10% will fade and go to a place in my heart
Where I can hold it as a reminder. A reminder to insure that the poison will
Never become a threat to me and you and our place of warmth, passion
And train whistles
heartwordsforpoetry 
Here’s to train whistles!
LikeLiked by 1 person
every time I hear a train whistle now I think of him… I know, kind of odd 🙂 but just one of those things! His place is very close to the train tracks 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems that trains affect many people in terms of memories.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hello twin sister hope things are going well today. Hope you well and happy as always. May our loving God guides and protect you always and binds us with his undying love. Have faith believe and things will turn out for the best. Deceit and betrayals the most painful part in marriage but hoping is what keeps us going. Love and light to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you, my sister, love to you as well. I will keep hoping… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
be brave and have faith be strong . God is good…. love you much
LikeLike
Thank you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
welcome
LikeLike
Working through it, it’s hard. Love and light. – Deb
LikeLike
Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
Hah, at least you are honest with the line “I have no expectations (90% of the time)” I enjoyed the flow of it. -OM
Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow 🙂 Love x I hope you have a lovely night x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have nominated you for this award; go check it out! 🙂
https://fortunesexpensivesmile.wordpress.com/2015/05/06/the-versatile-blogger-award/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very good Michelle! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
wow!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gorgeous.
LikeLiked by 1 person