To want so much is foolish,

Or more accurately, just wishful thinking.

I grieve the absence of something that never was

And never could be.

But my love is there unbroken in all its fullness and desire.

I desire all of him, his heart, body and soul but it is only his body he feels free to give me.

He says he loves, but I know he doesn’t know.

His history has proven that he is still that little boy, alone in the dark.

He moves from one heart to another

Always looking, always needing renewal, approval and adoration.

He will never be satisfied with anyone – especially us,

The ones who know, and we, in spite of our knowing,

Are the ones who truly love, who know and feel

The truth as it really is, not just as we and he would like it to be.

He is what he is,

And can be no more.

He thinks he is there this time, but

Slowly and steadily it will come back, it always does.

It creeps in at first unnoticed and then when noticed denied  but

It always wins out in the end, it just happens and always will, every time.

It is a pattern with no hope for change.

So my heart will continue to bleed for me and him while I wait

For his arms and kisses to take the pain away yet again—

Even though I know it will only be for just a little while.